KEARNEY, Neb. — Quest giver Brahm Elga’art the Wise was reportedly calm and collected as his New York-to-Los Angeles flight caught fire and tailspun 35,000 feet into the ground, according to other passengers who were disturbed by his behavior.
“I try to make small talk like the good old days before smartphones, yaknow? So I poke the young man next to me on the shoulder, he takes his headphones off, and he tells me, ‘Do not speak to me again unless you carry the Glade Scepter of the Undead,’” said Ellen Sherfield, who was seated next to Brahm the Wise for the entire flight. “I later saw the engine catch fire out the window, and he just smiled at me and said, ‘Gomhaen shant permit me to die until His will is done.’ Is that a Mormon thing?”
As the plane began its rapid descent, Brahm the Wise took the opportunity to speak animatedly about the Glade Scepter of the Undead, including its forging and subsequent theft by the Lich Queen and her Sodden Thrall, its location in a hidden stash in the undersea catacomb of a long-lost civilization, and the enchanted hat he offered as a reward to anyone who could retrieve it for him.
“My husband Paul’s been needing a new Fortified Elfsteel Helmet ever since his hair started going,” Sherfield continued, “but I reckoned it’d be better to consider his offer when we were safely on the ground and everybody wasn’t screaming our heads off. In the worst case, you know, maybe I could’ve looted it off him if he didn’t make it?”
After the plane touched down in a nearby field, rescue operations on the ground were hampered by Brahm the Wise’s erratic behavior and apparent immortality, according to the National Transportation Safety Board.
“First responders found Mr. The Wise crouching on one knee in a pile of rubble, clutching his chest and weakly grunting curses at no one in particular,” reported NTSB spokesperson Eoin Farrell in a televised press conference. “He stood up after several hours in a, uh, belligerent state, it says here. Summoning soul imps from the earth, blasting innocent and guilty alike with holy fire from his hands, and so forth. My condolences to those impacted.”
When reached for comment, Brahm the Wise only repeated the phrases “Hello,” “Can I help you?” and “Glory be to Gomhaen” in no particular order.
