BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local freak Ted Neal has confirmed he will start playing the popular JRPG series Final Fantasy with, surprisingly, the first entry, sources have confirmed.
“It just seemed like the logical thing to do,” said the obviously maladapted Neal. ‘When you want to start something, you gotta start at the beginning. Sure, I could have picked a more modern or fun entry, but then I wouldn’t be able to lord the fact I played every single one over people’s heads. I’ve also heard these games are complex and convoluted. So I’ll make the slog through game after game just to make sure I understand all the lore about crystals and cute boys. Sure, the lore gets reset every game, but at least I’ll catch the small Easter eggs you didn’t! It’ll be a long journey, by my calculations I should be at Final Fantasy X by 2030, but I know at the end I’ll be rewarded for my hard work in ensuring I’m tired of this series by the fourth one.”
Those familiar with the series are questioning Neal’s choices
“This is absolutely insane,” Final Fantasy fanatic Terry Howard said in response. “Who picks the first Final Fantasy to play first? It’s like playing Donkey Kong to get ready for Super Mario Wonder. This guy should have definitely picked VII, which I know to be the objective correct choice since it’s the one I played first. Anyway, why would he even want to play the absolute worst entry? Well besides III. And XIII sucks too. XI and XIV are MMOs so it doesn’t really count. X is cringy. XVI is barely even Final Fantasy. Honestly, he should just play VII, and not the remake either!”
Series creator Hironobu Sakaguchi was shocked someone planned on playing his original game.
“Wait, really? He’s gonna choose that one to start?” questioned the game development icon, barely looking up from his game of Final Fantasy XIV. “Like, he does realize you can play almost any entry on basically whatever console you want? I know that’s the one that’s started it and I should probably be happy people still care about it. But seriously, you could’ve just played Final Fantasy XIV. We all know it’s better and it even has an expanded free trial which lets you play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award-winning Heavensward expansion up to level 60 for free with no restrictions on playtime!”
At press time, Neal has dropped Final Fantasy I after finding it too boring, and has decided to start Dragon Quest I instead.
