Press "Enter" to skip to content

Coming to Xbox Game Pass: Anything and Everything We Can Get Our Fucking Hands On

REDMOND, Wash. — Xbox announced at a recent Developer_Direct that they were planning to capitalize on the extreme success of Game Pass and add literally anything and everything they could get their fucking hands on to the platform.

“We’re planning on aggressively expanding Game Pass even more in the coming months,” said Phil Spencer, head of the Xbox brand. “We’re talking movies, TV shows, books, those little comics you get with Bazooka gum. I don’t give a shit what it is, as long as the consumer ties all of their digital media to Xbox so they can’t go anywhere else.”

Some subscribers have expressed concern over the growing number of games on the service.

“I love Game Pass, but honestly the huge amount of choices just stresses me out. There are more games on there than I could ever play, and even though I’ve never even considered half of them I don’t want to cancel my subscription, just in case I want to play Hi-Fi Rush eventually.” said Taylor Montgomery, a Game Pass subscriber for the past three years. “I usually end up just getting high and replaying Powerwash Simulator, and that’s cost me about $612 so far.”

Several indie developers are sharing their experiences with Microsoft’s aggressive push for new games to release on Game Pass.

“I’d been in a rut creatively for a little while, until I finally had an idea of what to do next,” said Lyle Finnegan, a solo game developer. “Before I had even moved, someone from Xbox crashed through my window and offered me $200k to put it on Game Pass. I tried saying no and they upped it to $250k, I tried saying no again and they pointed a gun at my chest and said $300k. So look out for my next project on Game Pass day one!”

As of press time, there are currently eighteen million five hundred six thousand three hundred seventy-five games on Game Pass, with eight more being added next month.

We\'re giving away 50 Hard Drive t-shirts and other merch items to Patrons this week.
Become a patron at Patreon!