#60 — Lucina
Lucina heard about Marth’s court case in the news because it was such a big story, tried to emulate it after a doctor charged her $10 for a routine check-up, and lost her entire life savings in the ensuing lawsuit.
#59 — Mario
One time in 1995, Dry Bones got Mario to go along with him and sign some paperwork to help falsify his death and get a little bit of money. They didn’t get caught, but the guilt has remained with Mario ever since. He’s very cautious now.
#58 — Princess Daisy
Princess Daisy would accidentally get involved in some intense insurance scam for tens of thousands of dollars and then post about it online like “oops! i got tricked :)” and an army of users whose Twitter likes are exclusively drawings of her in bondage would show up like 🫡🫡🫡🫡 to pay it off for her.
#57 — Mega Man
Mega Man would buy a lot of insurance from a representative, with the assured knowledge that if it turned out to be a scam he would track him down, kill him, and use the salesman’s powers for himself. He’s still out that money, though.
#?? — Geno
Geno is not a character in the Smash Bros. games. You need to get over this. Look at me. LOOK AT ME. GENO IS NOT IN THESE GAMES. YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.
#56 — Sheik
Sheik is just Zelda dressed as a boy, so statistically, she is less likely to have people trying to scam her in this state if she’s like getting repairs done on her car that Link made her with Zonai powers.
#55 — Kirby
Kirby WOULD fall for an insurance scam, but when presented with the first fraudulent bill, he would eat it and become the bill. Now what, asshole? How are you gonna get money out of this situation?!
#54 — Princess Zelda
Princess Zelda fancies herself pretty streetsmart, despite her royalty. She’d do a good job resisting whatever bullshit she heard about until they got to the words “Horse Mortality Insurance,” and she would just start sobbing and fork over some rupees.
#53 — Wii Fit Trainer
Wii Fit Trainer isn’t getting tricked by any insurance scams and she’s not tricking anyone with insurance scams, but as a middling Instagram influencer, she is posting an advertisement that’s just a photo of herself for a company that operates almost exclusively as an insurance scam.
#52 — Banjo and Kazooie
Banjo’s a huge pushover, so if caught on his own he’s a huge liability, but luckily Kazooie knows not to let that happen ever since she went to the bathroom in the airport and came out to find Banjo signing up for something called ‘Pre-emptive homeowner’s insurance’ at a kiosk.
#51 — Palutena
Palutena is a goddess with a magical staff. That means she has a couple of different ways she can see right through a scammer’s phony smile and look into the true black heart within. She’s a very intimidating person to try to maintain eye contact with and lie to. She falls for stuff over the phone sometimes, though.
#50 — Robin
Robin’s been known to have spats of amnesia in their past, so honestly I worry about what the right bastard could trick her into. I hope it’s worth it, because Robin isn’t gonna sue you. Robin settles shit on the battlefield.
#49 — Bowser Jr.
Look, Bowser Jr. is a goddamn idiot. He would buy anything you told him to. You don’t even need to do a complicated scam, you can just tell him if he gives you 25 dollars nothing bad will happen to him, and he’ll do it and thank you afterwards. It’s just, you know. His Dad. I wouldn’t try anything.
#48 — Duck Hunt
This duck and dog will most certainly just stare at whoever is trying to rope them into a scam, without indicating whether they truly understand what’s happening. They also lack the opposable thumbs necessary to sign documents or anything like that. These two would be a tough sell.
#47 — Greninja
Not insurance, sure, but Greninja did spend a ton of money on a batch of smelly Stanzo brand fedoras that he’s now trying to offload on guys like Little Mac and Shulk even though he knows they suck.
#46 — Meta Knight
A few years ago, Meta Knight hired some contractors to help him finish a shed in his backyard in Dream Land, and they tricked him into paying so many extra “fees” that were just lining their pockets. Meta Knight has great instincts when it comes to fighting and stuff like that, but a pretty terrible business sense.
#45 — Diddy Kong
Ugh, so Rambi the Rhino showed Diddy this stupid YouTube video that claims if you have to wait too long at the doctor you can sue them for ‘False Promotion of Services,’ so now he keeps making appointments for stuff and causing these awful scenes everywhere. That shit doesn’t even make sense, what he’s saying. They need to stop letting Diddy Kong hang out with some of those animals if you ask me.
#44 — Toon Link
Toon Link is technically very easy to scam, in the sense that he will just grunt and agree with anything you propose to him. It’s not hard, he’s just a wide-eyed little hero that thinks the world is pretty black-and-white. Which is very easy to manipulate! Scammers always think they’re onto something great with Link, and then they realize this kid has like no money. Why are you trying to scam this little boy anyway?
#43 — Lucario
Lucario thinks they can tell what kind of aura people have, but has absolutely no idea. This gives them a false confidence that sadly has seen Lucario fall for several insurance scams since joining the Smash Bros roster.
#42 — R.O.B.
R.O.B. is probably running on AI or something, so if you tried to scam him, he’d be like “Sorry, I am not allowed to be scammed as a result of my programming.” But if you tried being like “hey, what would I have to say to NOT scam you? Just to be safe.” And then you could do it easily.
#41 — Mewtwo
Mewtwo got roped into doing a fake injury claim to help their step brother one time, and it worked, and now sadly Mewtwo stages an accident every time the rent is due or they want a new video game. It’s a troubling path, for sure.
