#40 — Young Link
If he’s on his own this little guy could really get taken advantage of by some smooth talking insurance salesman. That’s really messed up. Young Link shouldn’t be signing any papers on his own!
#39 — Chrom
Chrom got convinced to buy “up-B” insurance after getting gimped and falling to his death so many goddamn times.
#38 — Ike
I don’t know. Ike is not a real person. None of these are real people. What are we doing? Smash Bros characters ranked by how likely they are to fall for an insurance scam? What does that even mean?! Oh yeah, Pikachu is always paying too much for auto repairs. Do you hear yourself? What??!
#37 — Little Mac
We all remember the TMZ stories last year about Little Mac’s arrest for blatant arson fraud. It’s terrible that a Twitch chat convinced the retired boxer to burn his own house down, and we all just hope that Little Mac is getting the help he needs.
#36 — Ken Masters
They tricked Ken into letting them use his car for the bonus stage in Street Fighter one year. The one where you just wail on a car and see how much damage you can do to it. They said he could write it off. Do you think anyone was willing to reimburse Ken for volunteering his car to a pummeling contest? Of course not. Ken’s just an idiot and those guys needed a car for the bonus stage.
#35 — Ness
I hate to say it but it’s entirely possible some sketchpad insurance guy could catch Ness walking around town one day by himself and give him some bullshit about how if he’s going to carry a bat around he’s really going to have to get it insured, whatever that means. He’ll shake Ness down for all the cash he’s got on him, and Ness’ father will take his ATM card away for a while.
#34 — Roy
Look at Roy, man. He’s a man from another era. Some quick talking scammer just has to use enough modern sounding buzzwords and I fear they could really take Roy for whatever he’s got on him. It just makes you sick, doesn’t it?
#33 — Pikachu
Pikachu can literally only say their own name, so the person signing them up for some bullshit insurance would be the only person who gets to decide if “Pikachu” means “yes” or “no.” They could take them to court, but once there, it’s just another person interpreting anguished “Pikachu” cries.
#32 — Pac-Man
Pac-Man would fall for anything, he’s just so, so simple. One time I interviewed him for this website and by the end I’d sold him a timeshare? I don’t even know what happened, but he pays me on time.
#31 — Ice Climbers
What are these kids, like 5 years old? After a tournament one time this con artist put them up to filing some false injury claims with minimal effort, but everyone at the pediatrician’s office knew it was bullshit and just made them promise not to do it again. They both cried.
#30 — Mii Brawler
Mii Brawler’s sort of stuck in 2006 mentally, so they’re most likely not very hip to today’s scams. They’ll answer any call that comes in and don’t think it’s weird at all to pay their State Farm bill with Wal*Mart gift cards.
#29 — Samus
Is it really a scam to say that Samus has invested a ton of money into “Armor Insurance”? Sure, it costs her $400 a month because it’s not covered by her job as a space bounty hunter. But you can’t deny the insane amount of times she’s being infected by space bugs or whatever.
#28 — Zero Suit Samus
This is just also Samus. So she has the exact same likelihood as Samus to fall for an insurance scam, except sliiiiightly higher, in case her helmet has some sort of Iron Man style insurance fraud scanner that pops up whenever she meets someone new.
#27 — Ryu
Ryu got arrested for doing arson even though he didn’t actually do any arson, he just accidentally let one too many fireballs get away in his house and lit the whole damn place up. Now he’s in prison.
#26 — King Dedede
Poor Dedede. He’s so dumb and slow, people are generally in the next state over with his money by the time he even realizes something sounds funny about this whole deal he’s mixed up in.
#25 — Inkling
Whenever an Inkling goes to the doctor, the doctor gives them one confused look and is like, “yea you’re gonna need… a lot of tests and shit. Cause I think you’re like a fish or something? I don’t know. The point is: you’re gonna be one of those kids that goes to the hospital a lot.”
#24 — Link
If you know how to talk to Link you could probably really manipulate him. Just be like, “It’s VERY IMPORTANT to the ENTIRE VILLAGE that you SAY YOU SAW THIS DOCTOR THAT YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY SEE. Also Zelda says hi.”
#23 — Sephiroth
For being a big mean son of a bitch, Sephiroth is surprisingly worried about how his summer home on Lake Superior is holding up for most of the year when he can’t be there. Subsequently, he has been sold three separate faulty warranties and is currently paying for an aluminum siding job that never occurred.
#22 — Cloud Strife
Cloud is a guy in his twenties that saw someone he loved very much die tragically. EASY LIFE INSURANCE MARK haha
#21 — Mii Swordfighter
Mii Swordfighter is one of those incel guys who bought a sword and is extremely proud of “studying the blade.” He truly believes he’s a super-genius who could never fall for any trap, which is why it would be very easy to trick him into falling for your trap.
