People have been wondering how they find “the one” since humans had the mental capacity to understand loneliness and the physical dexterity to play an instrument while awkwardly singing at someone. The answer is simple. You just have to be you, put yourself out there, and play a lot of Mario Party. Whoever you don’t end up swearing a blood-oath of vengeance at after a game, that’s the one. There is no stronger test for love. Now that wedding bells are in the air, here’s every mainline Mario Party board ranked by where your reception should be.
67. Chaos Castle (Mario Party 10)
This is a scam. All the marketing materials show a grand castle, but when you get there you’re told you’ve only rented the lawn and that the lawn is a giant pool of lava.
66. Bowser’s Gnarly Party (Mario Party 4)
Another venue that is mostly lava with absolutely no room for tables! Everyone is going to have to stand and hold a plate to eat, which is fine for a cocktail hour, but is a real bummer for dinner.
65. Bowser Station (Mario Party 9)
There’s even less space here, but it gets bumped up because with no gravity, standing isn’t really an issue. Eating food that’s constantly floating away will be tough, but at least your guests’ legs won’t get tired.
64. Magma Mine (Mario Party 9)
Your photographer is not going to be happy with the lighting down here. Also, lava is constantly rising to burn you and your guests alive, but mostly the photos of them dying are going to be underexposed.
63. Boo’s Haunted Bash (Mario Party 4)
Do we really need to tell you to not have your reception in a haunted house? Too much can go wrong! Someone could get possessed and try to kill everyone else. Blood might drip from the ceiling and ruin your donut wall. Three dudes with busted Geiger counters could crash the party and not shut up about a cold spot by table 5.
62. Boo’s Horror Castle (Mario Party 9)
If you’re dead set on having your reception in a haunted house, at least do it in this mansion. You’ll probably be dragged to hell in a pool full of black ichor, but at least it HAS a pool!
61. Haunted Trail (Mario Party 10)
Technically your reception wouldn’t be IN a haunted house here, but it’s still a bad idea. This is slightly better because angry spirits can’t lock you inside while they set it on fire and have your party join their damned ranks.
60. King Bob-Bomb’s Powder Keg Mine (Super Mario Party)
Unless “Black Lung Chic” is in your wedding mood board, it’s recommended to avoid the Powderkeg Mine.
59. Bowser’s Enchanted Inferno! (Mario Party 7)
Renting out a whole amusement park for your reception is pretty sick and this is the most budget friendly option since everything is on fire
58. Bowser Land (Mario Party 2)
For those divas who want to upgrade to a not-on-fire option, Bowser Land is still affordable to rent out, but still pretty deadly.
57. Wario’s Battle Canyon (Mario Party)
A warzone is a terrible spot for your wedding reception, which is unfortunate because what could really quell the feuding Bob-Bombs here is seeing your true love
56. Bob-bomb Factory (Mario Party 9)
This place is barely set up to be OSHA compliant, let alone set up for you and your guests to drunkenly do The Cupid Shuffle.
55. E. Gadd’s Garage (Mario Party 6)
Another venue that’s a total trap. You will be inviting your friends and family to be used as guinea pigs in a warehouse full of a mad-man’s horrifying inventions. It’ll turn into your Big Fat Jigsaw Wedding.
54. Bowser’s Magma Mountain (Mario Party)
Everyone is going to sweat there asses off, plus Bowser has locked himself in the DJ booth and is only playing his playlist, “We Are Family 24hr Mega-Mix”
53. Koopa’s Seaside Soirée (Mario Party 4)
Koopa’s in way over his head here. He’ll keep telling you everything’s ready, but he doesn’t have any infrastructure set up for events like this, the only building keeps getting washed away, and he’s mysteriously MIA when you ask for a refund. A documentary will be made about this terrible reception.
52. Snowflake Lake (Mario Party 6)
This winter-wonderland was recently bought by Mike Lindell. He’s going to rebrand it as “No Snowflakes Lake: A Very White Retreat For True Patriots”. It’ll suck for your reception, but you’ve probably got an uncle who would love it.
51. Luigi’s Engine Room (Mario Party)
It’s hot, cramped, and covered in oil, so unless your wedding theme is “The Rave From The Second Matrix”, it’s best to look elsewhere”
50. Peach’s Birthday Cake (Mario Party)
Getting your cake, flowers, and venue all wrapped in one seems like a great deal, but you just can’t have someone else’s name splattered all over the place on your special day.
49. DK’s Treetop Temple (Mario Party 8)
You don’t want someone else’s name everywhere and you definitely don’t want their face! The only people with giant, terrifying statues at your reception should be you and your partner!
48. Creepy Cavern (Mario Party 3)
If you are willing to risk one of the many Thwomps and Whomps causing a cave in as they jump for the bouquet toss, you can not beat the lighting design down here.