#13 — Godzilla
We have seen multiple versions of Godzilla raise a child. He’s okay at it. Sure, Showa-era Godzilla resorts to corporal punishment, but they didn’t know any better back then. It does seem like his children only find themselves once they’ve left the nest, though.
#12 — Rodan
Rodan was ready to raise Baby Godzilla as its own. I have nothing but respect for Rodan.
#11 — Godzilla Junior
Godzilla Junior probably isn’t ready for kids yet, but I think he’ll get there. He has plenty of positive role models in his life to draw upon. If he chooses to bring Godzilla III into the world, I’m sure he would do a good job.
#10 — Titanosaurus
Honestly, I just like Titanosaurus because he’s so strong. Imagine how many “my dad is stronger than your dad” arguments his kids would win. That’s everything I would want out of a parent.
#9 — King Kong
It’s unclear if this version of King Kong has ever had children, but primates typically nurture their young for an extended period of time. Toho’s Kong does hit the berry juice a little too hard, so he might want to cut back on that if he becomes a father.
#8 — Minilla
Talk about parentification. Minilla has been forced to deal with Godzilla’s problems for a long time. While he lacks the physical strength of his alternate universe equivalent, Godzilla Junior, his emotional intelligence is through the roof. He would be an empathetic and attentive caretaker.
#7 — Anguirus
Okay, so Anguirus is uncle-coded too, but he’s more like late season Uncle Jesse: grown up, more stable, ready to take on more responsibilities. He would have had the emotional capacity to raise Minilla if Godzilla had died in a tragic accident, like a plane crash. He’s probably thought about that exact scenario before. Like, a lot.
#6 — Gorosaurus
Gorosaurus is basically just a T. rex. Find me a child who wouldn’t want a T. rex as their dad. You can’t. I’m sorry to all the dads reading this, but your child would trade you for a dinosaur in a heartbeat.
#5 — SpaceGodzilla
It might be surprising to see SpaceGodzilla make the top five, but think about it: What did he do that’s so wrong? Took Little Godzilla away from Big G? They’re not even blood related, and I doubt Godzilla went through all the proper adoption procedures. I see SpaceGodzilla as the kaiju version of Child Protective Services. He took a displaced youth into his protection and set some clear boundaries, and everybody acted like he was the bad guy! That’s just the world we live in, I suppose.
#4 — Giant Condor
Birds take excellent care of their babies. It’s kind of their whole thing.
#3 — Zilla
Zilla spends its entire solo movie building a nest and stockpiling food for its offspring. It grieved their deaths. I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional just writing about this. The movie didn’t earn a reaction this genuine.
#2 — King Caesar
King Caesar would be the ultimate single dad. He would always find a way to come to your aid during times of need, whether it was helping you with your homework or talking you through relationship issues. Just make sure you don’t wake him up unless there’s a real emergency.
#1 — Jet Jaguar
Who could be ranked higher than the ultimate single dad? Why, the shape-shifting, child-protecting robot who marries him, of course! Now, you might be thinking that the two kaiju never get married — or even appear in the same movie — in canon, but I would ask you to keep an open mind. Google “Jet Jaguar slash King Caesar” to learn more!
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