#15: Historia Reiss
Sure, she tried to get everyone to call her a new nickname at the start of camp, but that’s what summer vacation is all about. She’s got a fucked up family situation and she’s really trying to find herself before school starts back up. It couldn’t hurt to indulge her a little bit.
#14: Marlowe Freudenberg
Marlowe applied to camp because he thought it would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience to leave his mark on the next generation while also finding fulfillment. He believed that small, noble acts like this could lift up humanity and usher in a golden age. After all, children are our future, right? And don’t they possess some sort of untainted wisdom? Unfortunately, he learns the awful truth: Kids are little shits, and we are doomed.
#13: Samuel
Samuel is usually just a normal counselor who does his job to a satisfactory degree. He’s getting “Meets Expectations” across the board on his end-of-year evaluation. Just don’t ever say anything about the rival camp across the lake that could even be slightly construed as a compliment. He will freak out and try to fight you.
#12: Sandra
Vomiting then being able to immediately gather herself and participate in a suicide charge against a giant ape shows that Sandra has immense constitutional fortitude. That’s the kind of person I want on my staff when the spray park breaks down on the hottest day of the session.
#11: Franz Kefka
Having staff with mediation skills is a huge boon to a camp, and not just for resolving disputes between campers. Remember, most of the staff are teenagers. Even if Franz is only mediocre at the rest of his duties, knowing that one of these bozos has a cooler head is a huge relief for the administration.
#10: Hitch Dreyse
Sure, Hitch only applied to the camp because she thought it would be an easy way to make some money over the summer, but you know what? She’s right. The job isn’t rocket science, and she’s more than competent enough to get away with half-assing it. Yeah, she always seems to get out of spray park duty, but the kids really like her and her paperwork is error-free. She can find fulfillment elsewhere.
#9: Boris Feulner
Boris absolutely aced his interview and was made a Senior Counselor during his first summer. He consistently gets excellent evaluations, knows the handbook backwards and forwards, and has been Counselor of the Week a record four times. All of his coworkers hate him, even the administration.
#8: Sasha Blouse
Sure, she’s gonna be a great archery instructor. The real reason she’s ranked this high, though, is that she knows how to rob the camp commissary blind without getting caught. There’s one counselor like that at every camp, and they’re far more useful than you might think. They know where everything and everyone is at any given time. Sasha is a personal organizer in human form.
#7: Jean Kirstein
Jean grew up attending the rich camp across the lake. Still, despite some initial tension, he starts to fit in better as the summer goes on. Frankly, he’s a lot more likable than some of the more prominent counselors. I’m not sure if he’s ever done anything wrong.
#6: Marco Bott
Marco is the most popular staff member throughout training. There were a few moments when it seemed like things might have gotten out of hand in a hurry if not for Marco’s positive attitude. He ebulliently leads roll call on Opening Day, setting the perfect tone for a fun and exciting summer. That afternoon, he breaks his femur on the high ropes course and has to resign.
#5: Annie Leonhart
Annie decided to work at camp because it’s a normal summer job for a teenager, and that’s all she wants: a normal life. She is immediately assigned to supervise all recreational activities. She keeps to herself and focuses on her work, developing a reputation as a hard-ass who isn’t here to socialize. On the last day of the season, she thanks a confused Armin for being such a good friend, since he usually sat at the same picnic table as her at lunch.
#4: Mylius Zeramuski
Pretty much all we know about Mylius is that he told Eren not to go after the Abnormal Titan. That might not seem like much, but telling kids not to do something they’re obviously about to try is, like, 90% of a camp counselor’s job. He’s qualified.
#3: Mikasa Ackerman
Okay, yeah, obviously Mikasa has the skills to be a top-tier camp counselor. The campers love her and she somehow manages to keep even the rowdiest amongst them in line. The administration worries that she is getting distracted by her feelings for another coworker, but it never actually affects her work. Unfortunately, she is destined to have the worst end-of-camp hook-up of all time.
#2: Armin Arlert
Armin would be great at running Arts & Crafts or the Drama program. The kids would love him and he would come to work in a great mood every day, thrilled to be doing work he enjoys alongside the people that he loves most. God, I wish that Armin lived in a world where he could just work at a summer camp.
#1: Hannah Diamant
Sorry, guys, I had to give the top spot to Hannah. She is the only character that I know has completed her CPR certification, so she wins by default.
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