The world of Attack on Titan is brutal and unforgiving. The young protagonists repeatedly experience unimaginable trauma, which can make it difficult to relate to them as the story progresses. While many of these characters are beloved, they almost all eventually commit acts that are indisputably monstrous and evil. But what if they lived in our world? What if the 104th Training Corps were just normal teenagers looking for a standard summer job while school was out? If you were a summer camp director and these kids applied, which ones should you hire, and which should you “forget” to call back after the interview? Read on to find out.
Honorable Mention: Levi
Sure, he’s not a member of the 104th Training Corps, but some of you dorks would get mad if I didn’t include him. Levi is definitely the weird guy who has worked at the camp for way too long. He even still goes to all the parties even though he’s too old to be hanging out with the other counselors. Everyone is keenly aware of how sad that is, but he has nowhere else to go. This is the only place he’s ever felt at home.
Ymir is never with her assigned group, instead sneaking off to spend all of her time with Historia. She even leaves the premises to get herself coffee at lunch without going around and getting everyone’s order. Worst of all, she is always mysteriously absent at the end of the day when it’s her turn to clean the bathrooms.
Sure, there’s no Titans around to scare him, but this dude was always just looking for an excuse to freak out. If he doesn’t lose his mind the second the busses arrive, he’ll be in the fetal position by the third verse of the Rattlin’ Bog.
#26: Bertolt Hoover
This guy’s only asset is that he turns into the biggest titan. In a world where he can’t do that, he’s useless. Just a stupid, unfeeling doofus. If he’s not a giant monster, I don’t want him at my camp.
#25: Eren Yeager
Understanding how to stay safe around wildlife is a major part of camp counselor training. For instance, if you encounter a bear, you should stay calm and back away slowly. What you should not do is try to attack it out of a misdirected sense of revenge. Eren is gonna get some campers eaten.
#24: Ruth D. Kline
You probably expect me to make some joke about how she would lose her head, but that’s not why she’s ranked this low. She just doesn’t make an impression. When the rest of the staff are trading stories from camp in a few years, her name won’t come up even once.
Tom would forget to pack enough bug spray for the big hiking trip. Have fun fielding all the phone calls from angry parents.
#22: Connie Springer
Oh, boy. Connie is just dull. He’s going to lose track of his campers pretty much constantly. As long as you don’t put him in charge of the ropes course, you should be okay. The problem is that he’s always asking to run the ropes course and you’re going to have to keep coming up with new excuses that aren’t just calling him stupid.
#21: Mina Carolina
Always finishes her assigned cleaning quickly but thoroughly, giving her plenty of time to perform other tasks. Unfortunately, she doesn’t really know how to properly prioritize those tasks. She’ll just start doing whatever anyone tells her to do, whether they’re her supervisor or not. I know summer camp isn’t exactly the Survey Corps, but there needs to be some clear chain of command.
#20: Reiner Braun
Reiner will spend hours rambling about how he used to be a good mentor in an after-school program for at-risk youth, but now he’s a camp counselor, and there’s a fundamental difference between blah blah blah blah. It’s a summer job, Reiner. Chill. Plus, you talked about your mentoring experience in your interview. It sounded like it was exactly the same as being a camp counselor.
#19: Nac Tias
Nac is described as “somewhat tall” compared to the other recruits. Being easily visible amidst a sea of children is an underrated asset for a camp counselor. He can be a mobile landmark without being so tall that he scares the kids. “The bathrooms are over there, by the tall guy with the dark hair.” See, isn’t that helpful?
#18: Thomas Wagner
Thomas responds well to inspirational speeches, completely forgetting his paralyzing fear after listening to Eren’s rallying cry. That’s the kind of guy I want in my morning meetings. Saying cheesy clichés every morning is a lot easier when at least one person responds to it enthusiastically.
#17: Floch Forster
Honestly, Floch is a fairly solid counselor. He performs his duties well and has a strong conviction that he’s improving the lives of the kids who attend the program. He does say some weird shit at times, though. Never hang out with him outside of camp, especially if he’s the one making the plans. He will try to get you to join a cult.
He might have only joined the camp as relief staff in the middle of the summer, but he’s decent enough. Gordon basically just does what he’s told to do. His fridge will never be decorated with the highly-coveted Counselor of the Week certificate, but he’s not going to totally screw things up, either.