Wordle Today 1071 May 25 2024

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Michelle Pereira

Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today May 25.

We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.

Still May 24 at your location? Try our Wordle answer page for that day instead!

Wordle Hint Today 1071 May 25, 2024

Here’s a hint with the meaning of today’s Wordle answer

Someone or something of enormous strength, size, or influence, in industry, for example.

Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter

The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

“N”

Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter

The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

“A”

Wordle Hint Today Third Letter

The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:

“T”

Wordle Hint Today Second Letter

The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:

“I”

Wordle Hint Today First Letter

The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:

“T”

Today’s Wordle Answer

And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.

Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.

That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 842 days straight! So here goes nothing:

3…

2…

1…

The Wordle answer today is “TITAN”

Previous Wordle Answers With Their Definitions

Wordle #1070 For May 24, 2024

“GLIDE“

A verb that means to move in a smooth, continuous manner, often with little apparent effort or resistance..

Wordle #1069 For May 23, 2024

“SWISH“

A verb that means to move quickly through the air, making a soft, sweeping sound.

Wordle #1068 For May 22, 2024

“EXALT“

A verb that means to raise someone or something to a higher rank or position, often implying great honor, praise, or glorification.

Wordle #1067 For May 21, 2024

“DINGO“

A wild dog and apex predator native to Australia.

Wordle #1066 For May 20, 2024

“NICER“

An adjective that describes something or someone as being more pleasant, kind, or agreeable compared to another.

Wordle #1065 For May 19, 2024

“HITCH“

A verb that means to attach or tether something, often using a knot or similar fastening method.

Wordle #1064 For May 18, 2024

“BRINY“

An adjective that describes something that is salty or related to the sea. It often refers to the taste or smell of seawater.

Wordle #1063 For May 17, 2024

“TUTOR“

A person who provides individualized instruction or assistance to one or more students on a particular subject or skill.

Wordle #1062 For May 16, 2024

“STALL“

A verb that means to intentionally slow down or avoid making a decision or taking action.

Wordle #1061 For May 15, 2024

“PINCH“

A verb that means to grasp or compress something between the fingers or a tool, often causing discomfort or pain.

WWE King and Queen of the Ring 2024 Results: Becky Lynch vs Liv Morgan

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Jake Skudder

WWE King and Queen of the Ring 2024 is now underway, but who won in the match between Becky Lynch and Liv Morgan?

Morgan injured Rhea Ripley a few months ago, forcing her to vacate her Women’s World Championship and a Battle Royal on RAW to determine a new Champion.

Becky would end up winning that match and going straight into a feud with Liv Morgan, which culminated in this match tonight.

Did Becky Lynch beat Liv Morgan?

The finish to their KQOTR match saw Dominik Mysterio throw a chair in the ring to Becky Lynch with the referee distracted, which Morgan used to hit Becky with a DDT and then the ObLIVion to become the NEW WWE Women’s World Championship!

WWE King and Queen of the Ring: Why are WWE events in Saudi Arabia controversial?

WWE has an ongoing business relationship with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which is worth in the tens of millions for the company to produce shows multiple times a year in the region.

Saudi Arabia has been accused of ‘sportswashing’ by several notable names. Sportswashing is a phrase used to describe the practice of nations, corporations, or governments using sports/entertainment to improve global reputations.

If you’re looking for more information on the alleged violations of human rights in Saudi Arabia, then click through to this resource from Amnesty International.

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

WWE King and Queen of the Ring 2024 Results: Women’s Tag Team Championship Match

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Jake Skudder

The Countdown to WWE King and Queen of the Ring 2024 is on, but who won the Women’s Tag Team Championship much during the pre-show?

Bianca Belair and Jade Cargill defended their belts against the team of Candice LeRae and Indi Hartwell in the only match to take place on the Countdown event.

Bianca Belair and Jade Cargill victorious at WWE King and Queen of the Ring 2024

The finish came when Cargill and Belair hit their combination German Suplex to get the pinfall to retain their titles.

WWE King and Queen of the Ring: Why are WWE events in Saudi Arabia controversial?

WWE has an ongoing business relationship with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which is worth in the tens of millions for the company to produce shows multiple times a year in the region.

If you’re looking for more information on the alleged violations of human rights in Saudi Arabia, then click through to this resource from Amnesty International.

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

Real Life State of Florida Projected to be Underwater by the Time GTA VI is Finally Released on PC

Posted on May 25, 2024 by BS Mitchell

THE ARCTIC – Shortly after Take Two Interactive CEO Strauss Zelnick announced that Grand Theft Auto VI is slated for a fall 2025 release window, the glaciological community announced grim news of their own. The West Antarctica Thwaites Glacier is rapidly experiencing “vigorous ice melt.” Over time, it could raise global sea levels over two feet. This would be catastrophic for coastal communities like those in Florida, the inspiration for the setting of the next GTA.

This didn’t stop Rockstar Games’ parent company from taking their time to measure the next installment’s release window. In a recent earnings call, the company saw fit to acknowledge these concerning climate developments, alongside Grand Theft Auto VI’s development.

“Even the wealthiest of our shareholders feel that quiet, intangible dread on the inside,” Opined a Take Two spokesperson. “The lingering fear that the light at the end of the tunnel could be a speeding train. Or that time itself might be pulling us further down the abyssal depths of the tide, the oceans plunging us deeper in our own collective hubris. But doesn’t that just make the need for AAA open world distractions all the more prescient?”

Take Two’s PR went on to confirm that their PC port of the next Grand Theft Auto game “may or may not” be out before 2050, the point in time when coastlines across the Sunshine State could face unprecedented flooding. Despite this bleak reality, they still assured fans that the scale of their new Vice City map is big enough to “make up for miles of lost shoreline. Even if we’ll have less Florida, you’ll still have more Leonida on your RTX!”

Nevertheless, last week’s earnings call inevitably sparked fervent speculation from YouTube’s rumor mill. Videos with titles like “GTA 6 – DYING PLANET MECHANICS CONFIRMED?” from channels with names like Mr. GTA SEO. “Will Jason and Lucia run from the fuzz and floods?” Asked the vlogger. “Will every car you drive contribute to the carbon footprint contaminating our air? Will this game be so realistic that the map will realistically shrink over time?”

Maybe not, but Strauss Zelnick ended the earnings call, downplaying the looming threat of the “doomsday glacier” while definitively confirming that Grand Theft Auto 6 “and 7” will both be out “before the sun explodes.”

When asked for comment about his state’s sea level rise, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis reportedly asked “what rise?” before attempting to sue the entire pressroom.

Fortnite Teammate Missing and Feared Dead, Last Seen Chasing a Crown

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Nick Coffman

CLASSY COURTS— A local Fortnite squad is asking for the public’s help to try and find their missing teammate, Jay Adams a.k.a. $pacePunch3r. Adam’s reportedly separated from his squad early in the match to grab a crown dropped by a downed enemy.

“He’s usually not gone this long,” said Noah Ellis, Adam’s longtime squadmate. “He’s always running off to grab crowns alone. We tell him to wait for the rest of us, but he’s like a toddler when they see something shiny. He just can’t help himself. I just wish he was here now. It’s a lot easier to take on a full enemy squad when you have a full squad. Come back, Jay!”

Adams was last seen chasing crowns south of Classy Courts. A visual glitch on the mini-map has kept Adam’s squadmates from locating him. Some of those squadmates are now fearing the worst.

“Oh, he’s dead,” said John Zimmer, another longtime squadmate of Adam’s. “I’ve been watching for his name to pop up on the screen. I haven’t seen it yet, but all signs point to his demise. If he wasn’t dead he would have come right back and snatched every legendary and mythic gun like he always does. I used to hate when he did that, but now that he isn’t here I miss it.”

Attempts to contact Adams via voicechat have yielded no results, signifying either that his mic is broken or that he is no longer in the party chat. One of Adam’s squadmates holds out hope that he is still alive and well somewhere on the map.

“Jay is ok. He’ll come back just in time for the new season, I know it,” said Sean Tondeur-Jas, another of Adams’ squadmates said close to tears. “It’s Mad Max themed. I don’t get it, but Jay loves that old eighties stuff. He’s always running around as that Terminator guy and quoting these super old movies. He used to say, “I’ll be back,” all the time. I want to believe he will in fact be back.

There is a 10,000 V-Buck reward for anyone with information to the location or whereabouts of Adams. Anyone with information is asked to contact Adams’ squadmates in the comments below.

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Release Date And Time

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Michelle Pereira

Open world smash hit Elden Ring is finally releasing its long hyped DLC, Shadow of the Erdtree, and the official gameplay reveal trailer has lots to unpack.

UPDATED May 25

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Official Gameplay Reveal Trailer

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Release Date

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree is expected to release on June 21, 2024. It is not a standalone DLC, and will require the base game in order to play. Two distinct special editions combining both the base game and the DLC are releasing on the same day.

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Platform Availability

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree is available on all the same platforms as the base game:

Steam PC
PlayStation 4
PlayStation 5
Xbox One
Xbox Series X|S

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Pre-Order Edition Buying Guide

There are five editions of ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree for pre-order:

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree

This is the standard standalone expansion for $40. The pre-order edition includes a Ring of Miquella Bonus Gesture.

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Edition Premium Bundle

For an additional $10, players can purchase the premium edition that bundles ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree with the Digital Artbook & Soundtrack, as well as the pre-order Ring of Miquella Bonus Gesture.

Veracity of Elden Ring DLC Gameplay Trailer Questioned as It Didn’t Show Me Shooting Bosses From as Far Away as Possible

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Edition

This confusingly titled version is actually a bundle of both the base game and the DLC and includes the pre-order Ring of Miquella Bonus Gesture for $80. If you were to buy the Standard Edition of the base game at its current price of $60, plus the standard edition of the DLC at $40, this bundle would save you $20. When ordering make careful note of the word ‘Edition’ tacked on at the end to distinguish it from the standard DLC only version.

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Deluxe Edition

At $100 the Deluxe Edition is the ultimate premium bundle of both titles, and includes the Elden Ring base game, the Shadow of the Erdtree expansion, and the Digital Artbook & Soundtrack for each. Also includes the pre-order Ring of Miquella Bonus Gesture.

ELDEN RING Shadow of the Erdtree Collector’s Edition

This pricey $250 edition gets you a voucher code for the DLC, but not the base game, as well as:

Messmer the Impaler Statue standing 46cm/18″ tall
40 page Hard-Cover Artbook
Digital Soundtrack
Ring of Miquella Bonus Gesture for pre-orders

The Collector’s Edition is exclusively available for pre-order on the Bandai Namco Entertainment store, and is only available for Steam PC, Xbox Series X, and PlayStation 5.

Game Night: Shoot Up a Theme Park in ‘Crow Country’

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Thomas Wilde

My goal with this column is to discuss interesting indie games that, in the flooded state of the market, might otherwise have flown under the radar. It was in that spirit that I picked up Crow Country, a ‘90s-style survival horror game with graphics that recall the original PlayStation.

I was wrong. At time of writing, Crow Country is a solid indie hit, with an 84 on Metacritic and an Overwhelmingly Positive rating on Steam. The job was done before I started. People know about this game. I’m going to write about it anyway.

Primarily, it’s because this game shouldn’t work. Crow Country (CC) looks like a John Carpenter movie made from Duplo. At first glance, I thought it’d be a parody. Instead, CC is a short, tightly-plotted horror game that saves its best scare for its last half-hour.

In 1990, a Georgia businessman named Edward Crow has gone missing. The investigation leads Mara Forest to Crow’s theme park, Crow Country, which is supposed to be abandoned. Instead, it’s full of strange machines, urban explorers, and hostile mutants, which attack Mara on sight.

I’ve seen people compare Crow Country to Resident Evil, and I can see why. It’s got some of the same energy as old-school RE, where it’ll break up the action with an occasional surreal puzzle. Some of CC’s weirder moments are explained as repurposed park attractions, like an escape room that’s been turned into an actual death trap, but others simply exist without further comment.

However, I’d argue that CC has more in common with the original Silent Hill. Both games are significantly more interested in horror than survival, and load you down with so many useful resources that it’s difficult to die. CC is about as challenging as it’ll ever be in its first hour, when all you’ve got is Mara’s 9mm popgun. Once you get a chance to expand your arsenal, you’ll tear through the rest of the game. (For now, anyway. The developers’ road map does mention they’re working on a hard mode.)

More importantly, CC leans on some of the same visual tricks that Silent Hill used back in 1999. A lot of ‘90s games tried to use early 3D graphics before there was any way to make them look good. As a result, there are a lot of action games on the platform that all fade into a sort of depressing Monet blur.

The typical workaround was to use pre-rendered backgrounds, but Silent Hill actually used the hardware’s shortcomings to its advantage. Now the low draw distance is actually creepy fog, and the blurry, indistinct walls around you are a surprisingly evocative recreation of slow decay. If every game on this hardware ends up looking like it’s set in a water-damaged industrial zone, why not do it on purpose?

With Crow Country, its bleak color palette and blurry textures work to create a genuine sense of desolation. Everything in the park is slowly rotting, aside from a few stray machines that work better than they should. When you’re outside, it feels like you’re inside an old, smoke-damaged photograph. If you tried to create the same visual impact with a photorealistic approach, it’d take twice as long to work half as well.

The character models are the only potential sticking point, and I got used to them faster than I thought I would. In fact, the mutants are a genuine highlight. If there’s a single theme at work in CC’s monster design, it’s distortion. All of them have too much of something and not enough of another; they’re warped, like broken toys.

One thing that CC doesn’t do well, on the other hand, is conveying interactivity. Back in the day, designers would make a point of highlighting useful objects by making them stand out from the backgrounds, as with the Resident Evil “item glint.” Modern games do the same thing with context-sensitive button prompts.

CC doesn’t take either approach. You just have to walk around hitting the X/Square button on anything that looks vaguely remarkable. It’d be nice if there was an option to make items in your vicinity slightly brighter than everything around them.

I’d also argue that there’s a distinct point at which CC’s puzzles go from clever to obtuse. Many of them present just enough of a challenge to force you to break out a notebook, but a couple of them run off of pure adventure-game moon logic.

One forces you to get out your phone to look up ‘90s trivia, while another makes little sense unless you’ve found a half-hidden document on the far side of the park; a third is actually just a resource sink. It feels like the developers ran out of time and had to ship the game with a couple of placeholder challenges instead of actual puzzles.

Both aspects would be more annoying if the game was any longer, but a blind run through CC might take you 6 hours. I’d like to emphasize the word “blind” there, too; CC has marketed itself on having one big plot twist that has to do with Mara, but it’s not the only one in the game. You really want to go into any horror game as cold as you can, but it’s particularly important here.

In fact, my entire opinion on CC shifted after I’d seen its ending. Before that point, I would’ve complained that CC’s biggest problem is that it’s more creepy than anything else. It’s got a couple of effective jump scares, but little genuine tension. The last 15 minutes suddenly pulls it all together, which elevates Crow Country from a slightly above-average Halloween indie to a genuine must-see. If you’re going to play it at all, you’ve got to finish it.

Take my opinion with a grain of salt, as I’ve been a fan of this genre for a long time. That being said, Crow Country is one of the few indie survival horror games that feels like it genuinely understood the assignment. It’s not simply recreating the developer’s favorite ‘90s game with the serial numbers filed off, or using horror as an excuse to be pointlessly surreal. Its inspirations are just a starting point. If Crow Country’s Playmobil-style character design puts you off, I get it, but don’t let that keep you from checking out what’s likely to be one of the best horror games this year.

RimWorld Update Patch Notes May 24

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Michelle Pereira

UPDATED May 24

Update 1.5.4104 released May 24

Hey everyone! We're back with a small update containing some changes, improvements and fixes for RimWorld and its expansions. This update should be compatible with all savegames and mods.

We do these updates with the help of players from the RimWorld community! If you're interested in helping us test, or you have a bug to report, please join us on the official RimWorld development Discord.

Bye for now!
- Tia

Changelog

Adjusted render node worker to support multiple graphics per node without dirtying/reaching the render tree.

Thoughts for each genetic chemical dependency are tracked independently instead of lumped together into a single confusing thought.

Remove deathless regeneration coma on resurrection.

Tweak some Anomaly incident occurrence rates so that they're less prevalent in ambient mode.

Clarify the label for "anomaly disabled" mode.

Added labelNoParenthesis rule symbol to pawns and things.

```
Updated Spanish LanguageWorker.
```

Ghouls can now be ordered to rest in medical beds.

Pawns will now satisfy genetic chemical dependencies when in caravans if their drug policy allows it.

Harbinger trees now consume corpses part by part even if they have no nutrition.

Adjusted distance ranges on some sounds.

Replaced gender-specific words with symbols in schematic texts.

Don't store virtual relationship records which can never imply another relationship.

Changed fade shadows to not multiply together.

Remove healer mech serums from animal operation options.

Fixes

Fix: Minor grammar irregularity with addiction counsel.

```
Fix: MechbandDish description typo.
```

Fix: StaggerDurationFactor stat does not work without Biotech.

```
Fix: Arresting beggars auto-fails.
```

Fix: Genetic chemical dependency thought not properly nullified by mind numb serum.

Fix: Remote repairer hediff can be duplicated.

Fix: Autobongs making non-organic entities high.

Fix: Creepjoiners have entity faction when enslaved

Fix: Increased carried thing layer to resolve some apparel issues.

Fix: Beam verbs and incinerator hitting cells without line of sight.

Fix: Headgear not always rendering correctly when crawling.

Fix: Preferred xenotypes not working correctly between prisoners and slaves.

Fix: Incorrect label argument used in activity suppression tooltip.

Fix: Various specific save/load errors with awoken corpses and hypnotized pawns.

Fix: No “missing bed” feedback for “take to bed” warden order.

```
Fix: Mech booster is rotatable.
```

Fix: Apparel without CompColorable causes errors in styling station.

Fix: High Mechtech can be selected in research without building a multi-analyzer.

Fix: Message spam when capturing an enemy during a psychic ritual siege.

Fix: Left behind pawns dying counts towards "colonists killed" stat if they die.

Fix: Becoming a shambler incorrectly taints utility items.

Fix: Feedback for sky-lantern participants who can't reach any wood, added better ritual feedback functions.

Fix: Unnecessary loading warning appearing for transport pods without colonists.

Fix: Creepjoiner letters not using gendered kind labels.

```
Fix: Suspending lovin' causing errors.
```

Fix: Ritual dialog tooltip slightly cutoff.

Fix: Refugees can send leaving messages multiple times.

Fix: Misleading extra warnings if complexes were previously activated before entering

Fix: Some circumstances where temp factions wouldn't be properly hostile to anomaly entities or insects.

Fix: Unable to place non downed pawns in a cryptosleep pod.

Fix: Error when entity dies during bioferrite extraction.

Fix: Error on inspect pane for ghouls without hunger needs.

Fix: Herd animals trained to attack won't target shamblers.

Fix: Psychic ritual failing when invoker gets psychic shock.

Fix: Farskip not working on colony ghouls.

Fix: Several scenarios where collapsed roofs can destroy pit gates.

Fix: Hediff and mutant abilities not saving cooldown.

Fix: Fleshmass stomach not preventing gut worms letter.

Fix: Colony mechs and ghouls can't be selected in split caravan dialog.

Fix: Modded violent work types disabling ghoul melee skill.

Fix: HediffDef aptitudes displaying as active without Anomaly installed.

Fix: Recluse thoughts not nullified properly by mind numb serum.

Fix: Inhumanized not nullifying childbirth related memories.

Fix: Biofuel refinery accepts dye as organic matter, but it doesn't have any nutritional value.

```
Fix: Sunlamp light radius inaccurate.
```

Fix: Error using "Damage until down" method on pawn with shield belt.

Fix: More consistent handling of ActivitySuppressionToggleTooltipDesc and ActivitySuppressionTooltipDisabled translation keys.

Fix: High activity alerts display HP percent.

Fix: Activation inspect pane string has hardcoded "s".

Fix: Inconsistent text 'Start' vs 'Begin' bestowing ceremony.

Fix: Newborn babies can generate with parents' PawnKindDefs startingHediffs.

Fixed some scenarios where skyfallers would drop through mountain roofs.

Fixed some situational issues with creepjoiners leaving after being ghoulified.

Fix: Genes and traits that increase skills on growth moment stack.

Fix: Schematic generation error if only remaining projects are excluded.

Fix: Activity suppression and studying not respecting allowed areas when selecting an interaction cell.

Fix: Some undesired behavior with creepjoiner letters.

Fix: Include common book symbols in book doer rule pack grammar requests.

Fix: Relaxing socially not respecting standard seat reservations.

Fix: Lay down driver sometimes causing errors on load.

Fix: Having "give psylink" debug action on debug palette without royalty active causes errors.

```
Fix: Deadlife shamblers opening doors.
```

Fix: Unable to place non downed pawns in a cryptosleep pod.

Fix: Error when entity dies during bioferrite extraction.

Fix: Errors for ghouls without hunger needs.

Fix: Sun/Edge shadows not always drawing if off-screen to the right.

Fix: Tending pawns get medicine after using initial stack even if they have more.

Fix: Security doors count as 2 doors for prisoners, reducing their prison break mtb by 50%. Added informative text explaining that having only security doors in a prison multiplies escape mtb by 110%.

Fix: Error when turning pawn with ideoligion role into a ghoul.

Fix: Harbinger tree provocation not working on ambient horror mode.

Fix: Pawns leaving allowed area to rope animals.

Fix: Luciferium addiction doesn't cause a medical emergency alert when a pawn is deathless.

Fix: "BlockedByRoof" translation key in Royalty instead of Core.

Fix: Scaria isn't removed on shambler resurrection.

Fix: Colony mutants in buildings don't show on the colonist bar.

Fix: Auto activate monolith scenario part doesn't have edit interface.

Fix: Some music sequences ending harshly instead of fading out.

Fix: Luciferium addiction remains on turned mutants.

Fix: Turret packs can replace other turrets when throw misses.

Those are the patch notes on May 24 for RimWorld.

Pro Smash Player Refuses $1 Million Sponsorship From Old Spice for ‘Ideological Reasons’

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Patrick OConnell

AKRON, Ohio. — Professional Super Smash Bros. player and current Akron Melee Summit Champion Darnell Storholt shocked the community this week after he turned down a one-million-dollar sponsorship from Old Spice due to what he described as ideological differences with the brand.

Storholt, known in the community as B1gSn1ff, baffled fans and commentators when he and the swarm of flies that perpetually circle him walked off the stage in protest.

“I play Melee because I love the game,” said Storholt from as close as we could get without gagging. “The second corporations stick their noses in that, you have to play by their rules. Everyone has to make a living, I get that, so I don’t mean any disrespect to the players who do accept these sponsorships, but I try to be selective about who I take money from and I refuse to be bought by any company that I cannot endorse ethically.”

Storholt has historically been a vocal critic of Old Spice and the personal hygiene industry in general on his Twitch channel.

“The fact is that humans didn’t need deodorant until the soap industry started brainwashing us through aggressive 20th-century marketing campaigns that we stank. Nobody had a problem with natural odor until a culture of shame was created and suddenly it was a social faux pas to not buy this totally unnecessary product which, I’d like to add, is proven to be carcinogenic but all the research and class action lawsuits regarding that have been actively suppressed by the corrupt fake news media.”

Storholt also claims that he’s been harassed over his beliefs but that has only made him more righteous in his cause.

“People don’t like the truths that I’m telling. They’ve tried to silence me many times. Just this week I got Swatted with the cops saying someone reported smelling a dead body in my apartment but the more they try to keep me quiet the louder I will get,” Storholt screamed to be heard over the hissing of the vultures circling overhead.

At press time, a seagull had begun building a nest on Storholt’s head and reportedly died due to the stench.

This Cannes Film Ended Hours Ago and All I Want to Do Is Stop Clapping and Sit Down

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Nick Coffman

If you are reading this, you need to get out of here and get help. I am currently at the Cannes Film Festival and trapped in this standing ovation for a film I can’t even remember the name of. My hands won’t stop clapping and I can’t sit down. I am only able to write this to you, thanks to the fancy new Neuralink I got implanted into my brain (I can afford Cannes so of course I can afford a Neuralink).

Oh no, the film’s director is crying and taking another bow. The smug fuck is using his hands to blow kisses at us. Great, now he’s going on about his rough childhood in Hidden Hills. He’s thanking his legendary producer grandmother and his filmmaker parents for being there every step of the way. If I could do anything but clap, I’d strangle this man. And now he’s going on about the long road it took to get here. What was the road, pal? You ride all the way up the Bd du Midi Louise Moreau (that’s a French road for my uncultured readers, but never mind that, go get help)!

Please, this is no laughing matter. I just met another member of the press who has been trapped here in a standing ovation since 2006. He says his name is Paul, I’m not one hundred percent sure though. I can only hear bits and pieces between thunderous applause. Paul saw Pan’s Labyrinth and has now been stuck in an 18-year-long standing ovation. He had a newborn when he came to Cannes. He just wants to stop clapping so he can hug his now-adult daughter and strangle Guillermo Del Toro.

A blister has formed on my hand. Please help, I can’t stop clapping my blister. This is more painful than watching Megalopolis and Horizon: An American Saga – Chapter 1 back-to-back. I was able to escape those ovations. Why was I so foolish to tempt the fates and see another film? What is all this dogshit? Movies are a business, but why are we in the middle of a literal arms race dictated by standing ovation length? If I could do anything but clap right now, I’d start giving these film nerds a wedgie, starting with that Iger schmuck.

Please, if you are reading this, these people have families and we all just want to go home. I can’t do this anymore. There’s only one way out. Must short circuit my Neuralink by bashing my head into the nearest wall. Here goes nothing. Fadsfadlkjfdskfgjh That hurt. Aldkjaf;alskdfjsaghao c0me oN. Rlnfgw;wwewkrtb Chris PraTt’s a good acTor. Qjwkhfjvnwkwqerg Garfield is PuRE cINeMa. A;ldkfjasd;flk Neuralink Offline.