PEARLY GATES — Researchers from the National Institute of Health have found the declining birth rates around the world are largely due to God spending an unreasonable amount of time on the Character Creation screen.
While God was flipping between Chin 3 and Chin 14 on his newest creation, we asked him about this growing crisis.
“Hey, you play how you want to play. This is how I have fun,” He bellowed from the heavens, visibly frustrated after accidentally switching his race selection and erasing all of his previous progress.
According to reports, Yahweh seems to spend most of his time going deep into facial features, body type, and hair color, mostly physical attributes. After hours upon hours of his work in this first section he never seems to even make it to things such as class or background. Skills seem to elude the heavenly father as well, both those of the one he’s creating and his own when it comes to the task at hand.
God’s son, Jesus H. Christ has reportedly been watching his father hog the PC for millennia. He reports that God doesn’t even know what he’s doing most of the time.
“Like, he’ll get up really close to the screen and just move the Hand Depth slider up and down,” said the Lord and Savior of believers across the globe. “He’ll scream ‘I don’t see what this is even changing,’ then start a new character because apparently this one’s hands are all messed up now.”
Japan has been hit particularly hard due to God’s indecisiveness, recording a 16-year long decline in the national birth rate. Prime Minister Fumio Kishida has urged God to speed things along.
“Dude, just do the default options! ” the Prime Minister said. “It’s a first-person game anyway, I don’t understand why you’re focusing on our Blemish Intensity for twenty minutes.”
At press time, God was scrolling through Nexus Mods to find more options for adult mods to continue the personal degree to which he can fine tune each character.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 21.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 456 days straight! So here goes nothing:
REDMOND, Wash — The latest entry in the Forza Motorsport series is set to become even more realistic as Turn 10 Studios has announced a new update that will add LED headlights to cars. Not only will this increase visibility on nighttime tracks for players but it will have the added benefit of blinding other online racers.
This will be the first major update to the game since it tepidly launched in October. Turn 10 says they knew LED headlights would have to be the first new feature added post-launch.
“We strive for excellence and pride ourselves on the realism our games have. We believe players will love the true to life experience of being brutally blinded by an increasing number of cars on the road,” says Turn 10 VP of Ride Pimping Mike Honcho. “Their whole screen will turn bright white and they won’t be able to see anything until you pass them, it’s perfect.”
Players weren’t exactly thrilled at the news
“I understand it’s a driving simulator but it’s hard to see how this makes it a better game. This is gonna make my road rage come out at home and I don’t want my roommates to hear that,” said player SerenityNow557
Others didn’t think the change was that bad.
“Online wimps and wokies want big daddy Forza to protect them from the LED blinding,” player PatriotGamingz said. “Real life, and real driving simulators, are about overcoming any and all challenges. I have been exposing my eyes to high-powered LED lights for hours and hours each day in preparation.”
At press time Turn 10 says its next update will add the ability for all cars except BMWs to use turn signals.
NEW YORK — Local photographer and superhero alter-ego Peter Parker told sources close to him that he suspected he had left the stove on after his super-powered “Spider-sense” went off.
“Aw, man. This is the downside of having god-like powers,” said Parker. “Everyone thinks it’s all fun and games, but it can be really annoying, too. You see, my extra-sensory perception alerts me whenever something is wrong, whether it’s a villain about to attack me, a building that is in imminent danger of collapsing, or when I’m not sure if I took my ADHD medication in the morning. Sometimes it’ll go off like crazy when I’m standing in the shower and can’t remember if I shampooed yet or not.”
Some of those closest to Parker said they were sick of hearing his complaints.
“I keep telling him that it’s not a superpower,” said Mary Jane Watson, Parker’s long-time girlfriend. “Everyone gets that feeling sometimes. It’s just normal, human forgetfulness with a touch of paranoia. Sometimes I feel like he weaponizes it. Like when the check comes after a dinner date and he makes a big show of his ‘Spidey-sense’ telling him that he forgot his wallet. No, you didn’t, Peter. You’re just broke.”
Despite these dismissive comments, some government officials say they are wary of Parker’s ability.
“Every day, billions of people go about their lives, unaware of how much danger they’re in from metahumans like Parker,” said Colonel Nick Fury, commander of S.H.I.E.L.D. “Sure, you might not be scared of him having the nagging feeling that he left his car keys in his apartment. But what if instead of Parker, it’s Doctor Doom? And what if instead of car keys, it’s the access codes to the Latverian nuclear arsenal? Guess what? He just blew up the Eastern seaboard because he remembered to go back and grab those codes before the Avengers could stop him. And believe me, Doom has been trying to figure out how to imitate this ability. It’s only a matter of time.”
At press time, Parker was seen throwing another dead plant in the garbage after forgetting to water it for five straight weeks.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 20.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective that generally refers to something of considerable size, extent, or quantity.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“G”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 456 days straight! So here goes nothing:
The famed Max Rebo Band announced via social media today the group will finally reunite for a headlining set at Coachella music festival this April.
According to the announcement the band is getting back together for one show only after years apart following the tragedy at Jabba’s Palace (4ABY).
“I know our fans will be happy to hear we’re finally back together again,” said the Ortolan himself, Max Rebo. “After some pretty traumatic events it’s been really hard. Once you see multiple men fall into a sarlaac pit doomed to be digested for a thousand years it’s hard to think about music.”
Rebo went on to talk about his hesitancy to do another big gig and fear of a similar situation happening again. This hasn’t been the only hangup however, as the band almost didn’t agree to perform at this year’s Coachella due to personal disagreements with the event’s owner.
“I didn’t want to support that bigoted bastard that runs the festival!” said gay icon Droopy McCool. “I didn’t feel comfortable performing for someone who doesn’t respect the LGBTQ community, but when I heard how much they were paying us I couldn’t say no. You wouldn’t believe rent prices on Coruscant these days.”
According to reports The Max Rebo Band is set to take the stage on the same night as 90’s legendary ska group, No Doubt. But due to well-known tension between the two groups they will be taking place on opposite main stages to eliminate the risk of interaction, sources confirmed.
After Rebo and No Doubt lead singer Gwen Stefani’s well publicized broken engagement, she left the group and refused to play the infamous Jabba’s palace gig.
Stefani was unavailable for comment however has recently confirmed that the song “Don’t Speak” is in fact about her relationship with Max Rebo.
VICTORIA, BC – At sixteen minutes into his latest video, YouTuber Ryan James begins the dreaded ambiguous pointing around the top of the screen to get you to watch a video he has done about this same topic previously, not knowing what to call the button, or not even where the button is.
“If you want to know more about the treehouse we built in 2021, click over here,” said James, blindly flailing around the top third of the video frame, “I think… yea, I think over here?”
A long time phenomena since the feature was introduced in 2020, James is just the latest YouTuber to succumb to not knowing where the button is, what it’s name is, or how it works.
“It’s just called a fucking info card,” YouTube released in a statement, “We label the feature in the app, we tell people where the button is, but they just won’t fucking LISTEN.”
Despite YouTube’s direct message, there is still confusion about how to refer to the feature when speaking like a normal human being.
“I can’t call it a recommended video, that’s it’s own thing,” says Alvin Mills, a 23-year-old up-and-coming YouTuber. “It’s not a related video either, that’s what they call a Recommended Video that a company paid to be recommended, I just want my annotations back!”
Despite the feature being years old, and always being in the exact same spot the entire time, internet marketing researchers estimate YouTubers will collectively decide on how to refer to it by 2030, three years after researchers estimate YouTube will make the feature obsolete.
WASHINGTON, DC – A shockwave rippled across Capitol Hill today as the White House announced a federal buyback program for Shure SM7B microphones, the preferred microphone by deranged podcasters in mass-cringe events that have been sharply increasing in recent years.
“Today, Americans across the country can sleep better knowing that their families, their children, and themselves are safer from random acts of podcasting,” Joe Biden said in a conference on Friday. “While this is an incredible first step on getting podcasts off of the street, we know more work is needed to keep our citizens safe from men having a quarter-life crisis and deciding the world needs to hear them and their equally unfunny friends.”
Negative reactions to this news come overwhelmingly from podcasters and their families, claiming that it is their first amendment right for four lifelong best friends to sit around for an hour every week “roasting” the worst movies ever released.
“It was the microphone Thriller was recorded on,” declared Kyle Webb, a 28-year-old podcaster from Milwaukee, “I can’t believe that our oppressive government would find any issue with a legal citizen recording 30 minutes of comparing the hottest women of history every Tuesday morning. My podcast has been climbing the charts, and now Biden and the crooks in DC are stomping on my dream of reaching 10 active monthly listeners.”
While the Shure SM7B is by far the most popular microphone for podcasting, there are alternatives that many fear will just fill in the gaps.
“Today is step one in a long battle to keep Americans safe from men with no notable life experience or unique perspective broadcasting their ‘takes,’’” VP Harris said in a statement, “We expect a long battle ahead of us in the Upper House, but we trust that Senators around the country will do the right thing for their state’s citizens.”
At press time several podcasters announced their intentions to return to their stand up comedy roots, which they have performed approximately 10 times in their life but still somehow consider their identity.
REDMOND, Wash. — Xbox announced at a recent Developer_Direct that they were planning to capitalize on the extreme success of Game Pass and add literally anything and everything they could get their fucking hands on to the platform.
“We’re planning on aggressively expanding Game Pass even more in the coming months,” said Phil Spencer, head of the Xbox brand. “We’re talking movies, TV shows, books, those little comics you get with Bazooka gum. I don’t give a shit what it is, as long as the consumer ties all of their digital media to Xbox so they can’t go anywhere else.”
Some subscribers have expressed concern over the growing number of games on the service.
“I love Game Pass, but honestly the huge amount of choices just stresses me out. There are more games on there than I could ever play, and even though I’ve never even considered half of them I don’t want to cancel my subscription, just in case I want to play Hi-Fi Rush eventually.” said Taylor Montgomery, a Game Pass subscriber for the past three years. “I usually end up just getting high and replaying Powerwash Simulator, and that’s cost me about $612 so far.”
Several indie developers are sharing their experiences with Microsoft’s aggressive push for new games to release on Game Pass.
“I’d been in a rut creatively for a little while, until I finally had an idea of what to do next,” said Lyle Finnegan, a solo game developer. “Before I had even moved, someone from Xbox crashed through my window and offered me $200k to put it on Game Pass. I tried saying no and they upped it to $250k, I tried saying no again and they pointed a gun at my chest and said $300k. So look out for my next project on Game Pass day one!”
As of press time, there are currently eighteen million five hundred six thousand three hundred seventy-five games on Game Pass, with eight more being added next month.
Genshin Impact is a gacha grindfest, and if you want to ease things up with some free stuff, we’ve got the guide with all the Genshin Impact codes you can actively redeem.
While the list of Genshin Impact codes is ever-rotating, there are also a handful of somewhat evergreen codes that have been active for a long time, and can be reliably used no matter what. Regardless, you should redeem codes as soon as possible, as there are no guarantees with regards to their expiry date.
Tip: You can use the Easy Claim Links below to redeem the code directly on Hoyoverse.com in your browser without having to type it in manually, or copy/paste it.
Livestream codes are not just extremely time-limited, but are also available in very limited numbers, and can only be redeemed once per account, as opposed to once per character, so redeem them as soon as possible.
BQ8AZHUH2CZ
100 Primogems
10 Mystic Enhancement Ores
Livestream 4.4 code. Expires January 20, 2024 04:00 UTC.
If a code doesn’t work for you despite never having used it before, simply contact Genshin Impact’s Customer Service for help.
How To Redeem Codes In Genshin Impact In A Browser
Your character needs to be leveled to at least Adventure Rank 10 in order to redeem codes. Next, go to the redemption page on the official website for Genshin Impact and login to your account with the email address and password you used previously to sign up. Be sure you’re logging-in to the correct account, if you have multiple accounts. Input your character’s name, select server region, and proceed with the Redeem button. A prompt will appear if the redemption is successful.
Successful redemptions cannot be revoked, so be attentive.
How To Redeem Codes In Genshin Impact In-Game
When in-game, go to Settings, then Account, and select Redeem now using the code. Successful redemptions will appear right away in your in-game mail.
Redemption codes are one-time only, per character, which effectively means you can still use it again on another character. Codes are also reusable on a completely different account linked to a separate email address.
How To Check Redeemed Items In Genshin Impact
Once in-game, simply open up your Mail by selecting the letter icon in the main menu, and use the Claim buttons to get your rewards. Bear in mind that in-game mail has an expiry date as well, so complete the claims process as soon as possible.
Forgot Genshin Impact User ID Or Linked Email Address
Click the cogwheel in the main menu for Settings, and then Account at the bottom. Under the User Center you’ll find your User ID as well as your email address.
If you’ve used the universal registration/login system that is in place, you could also login using the associated IDs of either Google, Apple, Facebook, or X (formerly Twitter). Be sure to allow the website to use cookies if the browser prompt pops up.
