Manor Lords Update Patch Notes June 11

 

UPDATED June 11

 

 

Patch 0.7.975 June 11

Bugfixes for the main branch
Hi everyone,
Here's a changelog with the latest fixes. The new patch is available on the main branch, so if you participated in the pre_release, remember to set betas to "none".

 

Version 0.7.972->0.7.975

 

Gameplay & balance:

  • Food cart & Firewood cart will now keep importing until it reaches their storage limits
  • Made livestock order imports slightly faster by reducing the livestock merchant's travel distance
  • [Experimental] Added 4 more handcarts to the lv2 storehouse [Side note: Considering handcart resources or handcart upgrades costing wooden parts in the future - opinions welcome]

 

Minor changes:

  • Improved loading times
  • Added a concurrent sound limit to hoe & sow sound effects (they clogged the audio buffer when too many people were farming in the same spot)
  • Added the localization key & icon missing for item_143 (Honeycomb)
  • Chimney smoke won't generate very far from the camera where it was barely visible
  • [Experimental optimization] Animal random pathing calls reduced very far from the camera where they can't be observed
  • [Experimental] Bumped up pathfinding priority of farming tasks
  • Blood cover should now disappear from clothes on disbanding
  • Further farming optimizations

 

Crashfixes:

  • Fixed a weird crash caused by a character somehow triggering import of a non tradable item (Timber)
  • Fixed a crash related to a barter building being invalid

 

Bugfixes:

  • Fixed workers stuck in the transport task (for instance at the malthouse) because the task targetRotation didn't account for ground slope adjustment
  • Fixed livestock being stuck at following task if the livestock trader gets unassigned mid journey
  • Fixed the pause toggle not being visible on the fields
  • Fixed characters sometimes loading with a weird rotation
  • Fixed free traders clogging pathfinding and making a lot of villagers and/or traders freeze because they were waiting in pathfinding queue
  • Fixed character sometimes ghosting through walls to their ungarrison location
  • Fixed Food Cart showing as "abandoned"
  • Fixed people not consuming food from the Food Cart
  • Fixed the "pause" toggle not working on the Firewood Cart and Food Cart
  • Fixed Dyers setting up Food stalls (because they had Food stored at their workplace)
  • Fixed trading post workers not respecting the export trade rule in case where the goods are already transported to the trading post for export but the player changes their mind
  • Fixed the interior box being visible during the construction process of a townhouse (variation G)
  • Fixed the building card border scale animation
  • Further fixes for broken character rotations
  • Fixed livestock import not working if the target surplus has never been set and the player is using orders
  • Fixed livestock imports ignoring other region trade rules
  • Fixed custom livestock orders importing form on-map regions
  • Fixed livestock order merchants trying to import horses that trade route merchants were riding on
  • Fixed pasture/stable space not updating when exporting animals
  • Fixed resources mined in surface and deep mine not registering as produce, leading to storehouse workers ignoring them sometimes
  • Fixed recruits stuck in a loop of moving armaments between burgage plots

 

Cosmetics:

  • Field material adjustments to reduce tiling artifacts

 

The next step

For the first month after release I tried to be careful not to make any risky changes, my goal was to stabilize the main branch (get rid of the most common, annoying issues). I'll keep reading the feedback too see if that build is stable enough to last us a bit longer, I'd be a nice time to go into the "dev cave" and do some more fun experiments & changes to push the game forward and finally add some new features.
Thanks for playing!
Greg Styczeń
Lead dev

 

 

Patch 0.7.972 is now available on the main branch May 31

Lots of bugfixes, balance & quality of life improvements
Hi everyone,
The first official Manor Lords patch (0.7.972) is ready. If you have participated in the beta, remember to turn "betas" to "none" to access it.
Saves: We recommend you begin a new save to enjoy all the fixes and changes.
Mods: Please remove any mods you have before beginning a new save to ensure you can play without interference from an outdated mod.

 

Patch Overview

Here's an overview of some fixes and additions that were worked on during the beta testing:
  • The rate of Hildebolt's claims
  • The famous "None" people spawning in huge numbers and refusing to do any work
  • The clogged Trading Posts
  • The game being stuck at the summary screen after a victory / game over
  • Very weak archer damage
  • Inefficient sawpits, which also triggered "generic storage full" problem banners
  • Barter and trading got a lot of fixes, with on-foot traders now being able to carry 5 items per trip & a new Trading Post setting to only allow trade between the player controlled Regions
  • Overly high ale consumption
  • Problems with optimizations in large cities
  • Marketplace efficiency
  • Problems with farming, like crops erasing in the winter, inaccurate overlays & inefficient harvests
  • Too harsh oversupply/undersupply systems
  • People and/or livestock staying homeless even though there is living space in the settlement
  • Ability to add militia staying the same regardless of the order the player hires mercenaries and retinues
  • Sheepbreeding development branch spawning sheep too frequently
  • King's tax added
  • A toggle to allow market stall setup for certain families
  • Extra construction reserve UI, for instance reserving planks at the joiner's shop
  • Combat animation variety

 



Easier Inter-Region Trade

To make trading between Regions easier, I made sure that the players can use Trading Posts to trade between their own regions without using Barter / Pack Stations.

 


Mourning

Whenever a person dies, there is a 30 day mourning period that blocks growth. You can now preview this in the Building Panel of the Burgage Plot or by pressing TAB.

 


Corpses

Carried corpses now have a visual representation.

 


Armor Variations

New upgraded retinue armor variations & new militia helmet were added.

 


King’s Tax (Annual Royal Tax)

I reimplemented a mechanic called "Annual Royal Tax" or "King's Tax" (I'm still deciding on the naming). No tax for the first 5 years, 1 Treasury per citizen after 5 years, 2 Treasury per citizen after 10 years, 3 Treasury per citizen after 15 years. In theory, it should slightly punish bad workplace optimization and make it more difficult to hoard huge amounts of cash.

 


Granary

The Large Granary building got a rework. The doors now properly animate.

 


New patron saint

A new unit patron was added - St. Maurice

 


Market stall toggle

I added an "Allow market stall setup" toggle to prevent the workers/inhabitants of certain buildings from setting up market stalls.

 


Construction Reserve

You can now also set a construction reserve for buildings using planks for crafting, like the Joiner's shop.

 


Lady of the Manor’s character model



 

Full Changelog 0.7.972

 

Major Changes

 

The King’s Tax (or Annual Royal Tax, name undecided):

The tax is collected annually from all players (main player and AI) and goes to the liege. It is calculated per population, serving as a counterbalance for players hoarding huge wealth despite non-optimized economies.
Currently, players can incur debt without consequence. In the future, failure to pay will result in losing the king's favor and eventually facing the king's army as enemies.

 

Global/Local Trade Switch for Trading Posts:

Players can now switch trade to "local only" in the trading post for each type of good, allowing them to exchange goods between their own regions while ignoring free merchants. Two trading posts (one in each region) are still required to make this function work. Employed traders will prioritize traveling to the location with the best prices to commence trade, potentially including regions owned by other Lords. The transport distance factor is reduced to make it more predictable for players where traders will go (to the place with the best price). Regional wealth is still required to exchange goods between regions with a trading post to maintain regions as independent economic units, simulating a more realistic economy.

 

Gameplay & Balance

 

Resource Management & Agricultural Adjustments

  • Food Consumption: People now pick a random food resource instead of eating food in a specific order.
  • Crop Fertility: Fertility is no longer drained after crop growth reaches 100%, making early harvest micromanagement less necessary. Yield may still increase over 100% growth if max yield is not reached.
  • Yield Cap: will now never increase past 100% growth to avoid confusion about exceeding 100%. Even when fertility reaches 0%, there will still be a small possible yield.
  • Harvesting Efficiency: When harvesting, crops are directly added to the field inventory instead of the villager inventory to reduce bottlenecks from harvesting walk times, especially for large fields.
  • Oxen Prioritization: Prioritized oxen plowing over transporting resources to the granary and warehouse to reduce oxen walking back and forth from the plowed field every time new resources are available for transport.
  • Plowing Shed: Plowing shed now adds 2 livestock worker slots.
  • Food Distribution: Food-producing residential plots no longer stock up on their produce before sharing with the marketplace.
  • Sawpit Log Storage: Increased sawpit log storage space to 5.

 

Economic & Trade Developments

  • Baron Region Claims: Lowered the rate of the Baron claiming regions and adjusted it to better reflect game settings.
  • Worker Camp Upgrade: Removed the worker camp upgrade intended for colony regions; it will be re-added when properly implemented.
  • Trade Route Establishment: When establishing a trade route, merchants no longer all spawn at the nearest trade point but are distributed to circle between various trade points.
  • Archer Damage: Archer damage increased from 4 to 13.
  • Trade Logistics Development: The "Trade Logistics" development branch now lowers the cost of new trade routes by 50% instead of clamping it at 25.
  • Trade Route Costs: Increased the base cost of opening a trade route from 12 to 20 (before the good value multiplier). Reverted the cost of opening new trade routes to linear scaling.
  • Market Oversupply: When the market is oversupplied, players can still export goods at a lower price. The price multiplier for oversupplied goods is now 0.75x for oversupplied and 0.5x for critically oversupplied.
  • Market Oversupply Rate: The rate at which the market becomes oversupplied no longer depends on the value of goods, ensuring equal rates for all good types.
  • Better Deals Development: The "Better Deals" development branch reduces the foreign import tariff by 50% instead of removing it completely.
  • Global Market Supply: Tuned global market supply to rebalance itself faster, aiming for a closer to one-year cycle if not trading.

 

Quality of Life & Infrastructure

  • Ale Consumption: Reduced ale consumption by 75% (approximately 1/3 per family per month).
  • Building Placement: Made building placement steepness limits harsher to prevent trading posts and churches from looking awkward on sharp slopes.
  • Soldier Approval Factor: Soldiers no longer trigger the "unburied bodies" approval factor when corpses are in their proximity.
  • Hitching Post: Hitching post is free again to reduce the chances of players getting stuck without an ox, hitching post, or the ability to order an ox.
  • Sheep Breeding: Capped sheep breeding to a maximum of 1 new lamb every 10 days.
  • Water Fetching: Villagers are now only allowed to fetch water from the well nearest to their home, except in case of a fire.
  • Maximum Yield per Plant: Increased the maximum yield per plant from 2 to 4 (Hunting Grounds policy still reduces it by half).
  • Plant Yield Rate: Plant yield rate reduced by half to encourage early harvest only in emergency mode.
  • Militia Squad Limit: The militia squad limit is now 6, regardless of whether the player has a retinue or mercenaries. This will be connected to a rank system in the future.
  • Fertility Regeneration: Doubled the fertility regeneration rate effect on fallow fields and from fertilization.
  • Plant Growth Rate: Adjusted crop growth to match crop rotation (to hit 100% at harvest as often as it can on auto).
  • Tree Growth Rate: Slowed down tree growth rate by around 30% to enhance forest management impact.
  • Trading Post Workers: Increased the carrying capacity of on-foot trading post workers from 1 to 5.
  • Royal Tax Calculation: Royal tax is calculated as follows: No tax for the first 5 years, 1 Treasury per citizen after 5 years, 2 Treasury per citizen after 10 years, 3 Treasury per citizen after 15 years.
  • Granary and Storehouse Worker Slots: Adjusted Granary and Storehouse Worker Slots: unified to 3 families for level 1 and 6 families for level 2.

 


 

Minor Fixes

 

Trade and Market Adjustments

  • Mindfulness System: Applied the "mindfulness" system to free merchants to reduce clumps and traffic jams.
  • Trade Location: Moved the location of trades further off the map to ensure space for all trade wagons, even if the trading post is placed on the map edge.
  • Trader Transactions: Allowed traders to make transactions without entering the shed if the trading post is clogged, as long as they are within the general building bounds.
  • Marketplace Logistics: Improved marketplace logistics efficiency and optimization.
  • Market Supply Reset: Reset market supply on loading old saves (from builds 0.7.954-0.7.956) due to mismatched global market supply stock values.
  • Market Stall Workers: Capped the number of workers supplying a single market stall to 2 to reduce market clogs with the increased market supply frequency. The number of stalls is now reduced back to the number of families divided by 5, with a minimum of 1 to ensure functionality in towns with fewer than 5 families.
  • Market Supply Optimization: Further optimized market supply functions for smoother late-game town performance.
  • Trading Post Thumbnail: Added the missing trading post building thumbnail.
  • Trading Post Price Range: Trading posts now display a price range for imports, indicating whether they can buy from other regions or foreign trade sources.

 

Optimization and Performance

  • Default AA: Changed default AA under DX11 to TAA.
  • Spatialization Update: Added a spatialization update call for recruits teleported home when rallied to ensure proper collision calculations.
  • Follow Mode Optimization: Updated "is close to camera" value in follow mode to prevent optimization of animations or sound effects for characters near the camera.
  • Firefighting Behavior: Made firefighting villagers ignore anti-clogging behavior at narrow pathfinding points.
  • Pathfinding Updates: Minor unit in-town pathfinding updates.
  • Destructible System: Swapped the old UE4 destructible system for a new UE5-friendly chaos-based debris system currently used for chopped firewood cutter logs.
  • AA/Upscaler Selection: Tweaked default AA/upscaler selection during first-time launch for specific GPUs (e.g., RTX properly defaulting to DLSS).
  • Pathfinding Thread: Added another pathfinding thread for handling multiple end-game cities.
  • Harvest Prediction Optimization: Optimized harvest prediction and fertility changes to reduce stutter.
  • Log Display: Limited the log display to store only the last 100 entries to improve UI optimization.
  • Idle Task Optimization: Optimized the function for finding friends to do idle tasks like conversations.
  • Door Opening Animations: Optimized door opening animations.

 

User Interface and Accessibility

  • Mourning Period UI: The residential panel now has a "mourning period left" UI element that displays the number of days of mourning until the burgage plot can bring in more family members.
  • Mourning Icon: Added mourning icon to the building floater.
  • Save Restrictions: Disabled the ability to quick save during the game over/victory cinematic. Disabled manual save after being defeated and added a tooltip explaining why saves are disabled. Disabled quick save and autosave if the game was lost.
  • King's Tax Rate Multiplier: Added king's tax rate multiplier to the game setup settings.
  • Victory Camera: After continuing the game after a victory, the camera returns to the player's main region instead of levitating over the map edge.
  • Currency Icon: Unified the currency icon in the mercenary company panel to clarify payment with the treasury, not regional wealth.
  • Accommodation for Homeless: Added an accommodation call for homeless people after a fire, ensuring they are quickly re-assigned to available burgage plots.
  • Family List UI: Aligned "workplace/reassign" buttons vertically in the family list due to most families having more than one member.
  • Font Fix: Fixed old fonts being used in the family entry widgets.
  • Fertility Overlay: Made fertility overlay colors and colorblind symbols more accurate with the percentages displayed in the field's building panel.
  • Building Panel UI: Tweaked building panel header buttons/toggles to improve readability and distinguish buttons from toggles.
  • Market Stalls: Set "Allow market stalls" to ON by default for all workplaces and artisan workshops to aid new players in setting up stalls without confusion.
  • Popup Queue: To avoid popups like "royal tax increase" from interrupting visit mode, they are now queued and triggered after the player returns from visit mode, after around 1-2 seconds.
  • Transaction Popup: When trading between regions, the transaction popup will now display over both trade buildings, depending on which is closer to the camera.
  • Region Borders: Region borders will show under the cursor even if the camera is low, clarifying where region territory ends.
  • Region Calculation for UI: Tuned how "current region" is calculated for the UI to make it more comfortable to build on the edge between two player-owned regions.

 


 

Crash Fixes

  • Fixed a crash when doing a sequence of livestock import, export, and import because "home" wasn't cleared properly during export, and the same animal was reimported.
  • Fixed a rare crash if a handcart fails to spawn, likely if the trading post was built so that part of it crosses the map edge.
  • Fixed crash on startup if OpenXr SDK is installed.
  • Fixed a crash when deleting a building if there are pathfinding obstacles being verified (for instance, soon after loading a game).
  • Fixed the player being able to reassign a family to another Region, which could crash the game.

 


 

Bug Fixes

 

Gameplay Mechanics

  • Fixed victory status not resetting after starting a new game, leading to a game over screen not appearing if the player lost/won multiple games without turning the game off.
  • Fixed crops dying in the winter instead of actually increasing yield by absorbing nutrients from the snow as intended for winter crops.
  • Fixed oxen sometimes "ghost plowing" a field when they are waiting for their guide.
  • Fixed plow and ox sometimes misaligned on 12x game speed.
  • Fixed farm workers not accounting for oxen plowing the farms in some situations, leading to a lot of unnecessary collisions on the field.
  • Fixed crop rotation unplowing the fields.
  • Fixed disbanded mercenary group becoming immediately available again after save/load cycle.
  • Fixed the trading post export transactions not moving regional wealth between the regions correctly if owned by the same lord.
  • Fixed paused taverns fulfilling the entertainment requirement.
  • Fixed attempt for never-ending fires if a fire was triggered after the building was already on fire.
  • Fixed livestock sometimes being unaccommodated after order even though there is stable or pasture space due to being transferred to the region twice (once when buying and once when livestock merchant brings it to the building).
  • Fixed livestock traders traded between on-map regions, possibly sometimes paying twice because the ownership changing function was called both on pickup of livestock and on dropoff.
  • Fixed the game getting stuck on the game summary screen infinitely after winning or losing the game.
  • Fixed "none" people populating the town after a raid sometimes who just stand around waiting forever and possibly crash the game while reloading.
  • Fixed the employed traders going to trade points even though the trade route for the traded good is not opened yet.
  • Fixed the farm workers moving to transport tasks early even though there is still plenty of crops to harvest.
  • Fixed predicted yield not showing correctly in the field building panel.
  • Fixed people not resetting rotation after dismounting.
  • Fixed farming oxen not respecting work area limits.
  • Fixed bandit camps respawning on loading because "lastBanditCampSpawnedDay" didn't save properly.
  • Fixed villagers not setting up market stalls to sell their home produce like vegetables if they are unassigned.
  • Fixed granary workers stealing ale from the tavern.
  • Fixed livestock exports getting interrupted by sheep herd behavior.
  • Fixed livestock trader job not triggering an import task when buying livestock from another region.

 

Visual and Interface Fixes

  • Fixed the blurry desktop icon.
  • Fixed the save/load menu header not translating after changing the language.
  • Fixed the front lighting not being visible in the retinue editor if bounced light approximation is turned to low or off.
  • Fixed floating feedback text spawning during the cinematic mode.
  • Fixed autosave triggering during the cinematic mode.
  • Fixed the gilded aventail hounskull helmet appearing blurry in the retinue editor.
  • Fixed the forest mask not drawing.
  • Fixed the wrong yarn basket carrying animation.
  • Fixed the wrong apple basket carry animation.

 

Economic and Resource Management

  • Fixed "storage full" triggering for wrong buildings sometimes (for example, sawpit having 1/1 logs).
  • Fixed attempt for oxen bringing too many logs to the sawpit and crossing the storage limit.
  • Fixed free merchants sometimes got stuck if a trading post was built so close to the edge that a portion of it was outside of any region bounds.
  • Fixed horse wagon rotations getting a bit too wonky on slopes.
  • Fixed a bug where a unit could no longer move due to being forever stuck in "waiting for pathfinding to finish" if another unit with a lower squadID got completely destroyed.
  • Fixed traders not importing from on-map regions even though the price is better than buying from trade points.
  • Fixed farm workers & farm oxen stealing planks from fields which are getting "fenced up."
  • Fixed "homeless" problem banner not disappearing after upgrading homeless camp to a worker camp.
  • Fixed animals not getting removed from stable space / pasture space after death.
  • Fixed animal corpses not disappearing over time.
  • Fixed a dirty fix for families moving into homes but not registering correctly and not displaying in the UI, leading to a "secret" family living in one of the burgage plots. The reason is still unknown and being investigated.
  • Fixed wealth getting transferred when doing barter.
  • Fixed bartering traders always return 1 item regardless of the barter value and carrying capacity.
  • Fixed bartering traders packing too much stuff in their origin region when barter value is more than 1x.
  • Fixed trading post exports not proceeding with transactions once the trader reaches the destination.
  • Fixed multiple markets sometimes distributing multiple instances of the same good type to a plot, for instance, a single plot would "eat" 2 leather, leaving houses on the outskirts forever undersupplied.
  • Fixed crop rotation to fallow causing farmers to harvest itemID_0, which was invisible in the UI and stopped supply dumps from being cleared because they were never considered as fully empty.
  • Fixed farmers getting stuck in pickup-putdown handcart loop when multiple farms are used.
  • Fixed unnecessary harvest data recalculations triggering in the winters.
  • Fixed a bug with trading between regions where during selling items the wrong region would pay for the transaction.
  • Fixed free merchants not applying the foreign import tariff when selling their goods to trading posts if another region was exporting the traded good for a lower price.
  • Fixed trade wagons sometimes traveling with empty inventory.
  • Fixed traders doing "major trades" even without an established trade route.
  • Fixed workers ignoring storage filter settings.
  • Fixed the "current year" always incrementing in January, regardless of the month the game was started in, also leading to the tax being calculated inconsistently [fix for new saves only].
  • Fixed market supply percentages not displaying correctly because it still accounted for uninhabited homes.
  • Fixed a bug with workers not setting up market stalls if there are less than 5 families in the settlement.
  • Fixed squad icons disappearing/flickering when disbanding certain squads.
  • Fixed export price showing even though trade is locked because there's no trade route established and no interregional trade available.
  • Fixed foreign market supply incrementing instead of decrementing when off-map trade was being done by trading post workers.
  • Fixed disband/remove squad sometimes affecting wrong squads if multiple squads are selected when pressing "disband" or "remove".
  • Fixed "Not enough funds for import" warning displaying even though there is enough.
  • Fixed apiaries leaving invisible items in supply dumps after demolition.

 


 

Cosmetics Updates and Fixes

 

New Additions and Visual Upgrades

  • Added a new patron saint banner graphics: St Maurice.
  • Added a carried dead body visualization.
  • New upgraded retinue helmet variation: Pointy bascinet.
  • New upgraded retinue body variation: Coat of plates.
  • New upgraded retinue helmet variation: Hounskull bascinet with a gilded cover.
  • New militia helmet variation - banded bascinet with a mail aventail.
  • Reworked LV2 granary model with proper animated doors.
  • Added new 6 "short" attack animations to reduce animation repetitiveness during combat.
  • Added new "inch forward" battle locomotion animations which should greatly reduce the weird "wiggling" effect when groups push each other.
  • Lady visit mode: If you pick the green lady portrait, the visit mode character should now be female.

 

Animation and Model Adjustments

  • Combat animation clean up.
  • Made debris piles align to ground slope.
  • Fixed the throw torch animation ending abruptly.
  • Increased location precision for animals standing in the stables.
  • Fixed the praying animation.
  • Adjusted the two-handed weapon default idle pose to give it a more natural stance.
  • Improved the precision for snapping terraforming meshes (like mines or sawpits) to ground.
  • Made leaf clumps smaller and disabled the parallax mapping since it caused distortions and wasn't very visible anyway.
  • Tuned field dirt UV wiggle to make those huge vegetable gardens players were making less wavy.

 

Fixes and Adjustments

  • Fixed the armor clipping through the leg of the upgraded retinue puffy sleeve upon body variation.
  • Fixed some mail armor variants clipping with helmets on T3 militia units (militia mail will get their own unique variations soon).
  • Fixed the wrong door orientation for LV2 cottage variation B (with a planked gable).
  • Fixed the TAB building floater residential data not showing in 0.7.969.
  • Fixed a potential bug when a family assigned to a smithy is unassigned while a family member is rallied, and the function that unequips their smithing aprons may, by mistake, unequip their body armor or/and helmet.
  • Fixed player army UI not getting updated after squad array changes because of non-player commanded units getting removed.
  • Fixed recruit distribution sometimes assigning new militia recruits to an invalid unit

 



 

Thank you for all of your continued feedback and reports through the beta patches.
I hope you enjoy the update! Please share your thoughts and feedback on Manor Lords in a Steam review if you have a moment. It helps a lot!
Thank you for playing!
Greg Styczeń,
Lead developer, Slavic Magic

 

If you’d like to keep up to date with the latest news and announcements:

 

Steam Discussions | X | Facebook | Instagram | Discord | Reddit

 

Those are the patch notes through June 11 for Manor Lords.

Richter Scale Shattering Earthquake Caused by Gamer Deepening Voice After Discord Call Joined by Girl

WORLDWIDE NEWS – States of emergency have been declared as various cities around the globe have been hit by Richter Scale-shattering earthquakes after a voice call on Discord channel ‘Da Pisscord’, populated almost exclusively by men, was joined by a single girl.

“We believe that once the young men realized that a girl had joined the Discord call, they attempted to sound more masculine by deepening their voices,” said Dr. Albert Heidelberg, Professor of Geophysics at Stanford University and renowned expert on seismology. “As they kept talking lower and lower in an attempt to outdo each other, they eventually brought their voices to such a low register that it triggered tremendous seismic activity. Hundreds are presumed dead.”

Earthquakes have occurred in many major cities, such as Los Angeles, London, and every other hometown of Discord members on the call, reportedly causing billions of dollars worth of infrastructure damage and leaving many people without power or shelter. Military and emergency response crews have been mobilized in an attempt to manage the developing crises.

“That was them talking?” asked Jenny McDouglas, also known by her Discord alias ‘bubblegumzyns,’ the girl who joined the Discord call on that fateful day. “I thought they were doing some weird kind of Mongolian throat singing or something. I got on the call to see if anyone wanted to play Rainbow Six Siege. Next thing I know my apartment started to shake and all my pictures started falling off my walls.”

Experts have advised all male users of Discord to please talk within their normal vocal register whenever a girl joins their Discord call. Experts added that artificially deepening your voice is not only a threat to public safety, it also does absolutely nothing to increase your chances of getting laid.

“The earth cannot handle the weight of all the pathetically fake deep voices of so many horny gamers,” said Dr. Heidelberg.

“I don’t know what they’re talking about,” said Stephen Armstrong, known on Discord as ‘PepperoniBrony’, in a ridiculously low register as the room trembled. “This is my actual voice. I’ve sounded like this since I hit puberty. Guess I just have more testosterone than most other guys. Did you guys talk to bubblegumzyns? Was she cute?”

Before Stephen could provide further comment, National Guardsmen entered the room and restrained Stephen, covering his mouth with duct tape to prevent further catastrophes.

Garth Ennis Disavows The Boys TV Show for Being Well Written, Coherent

GLASGOW – Controversy in the comic book world today as writer of The Boys comic, Garth Ennis, disavowed the television adaptation for being well written and coherent.

“They’ve abandoned my original vision of a horrid edgefest,” explained the very badass and subversive writer. “I write dialogue like a twelve-year-old who just learned the F-word. Sure they curse a lot, but they aren’t using it as a crutch, like me. Also, where’s all the rape? There’s literally no way to indicate that someone is a villain, or even a morally ambiguous hero, without having them commit heinous sexual assaults. Instead they’re obsessed with writing ‘characters’ who have ‘motivations’. That’s not what The Boys is about. The Boys is about vapid, surface level parodies of superheroes that make you feel terrible and empty for having read about them.”

The creator of The Boys television adaptation was distressed to hear the original author’s criticisms.

“I thought my show was plenty edgy,” said great planner of only five seasons Eric Kripke. “We had a guy go into another guy’s dick and jerk him off from the inside, but apparently that’s not good enough. I guess in the next season we’ll have to have scenes of Homelander snorting drugs mixed with Queen Maeve’s vaginal mucus, or Hughie masturbating into a soup that Kimiko then eats. Billy Butcher is going to be wearing a cock ring the entire season so he’s always ready to commit morally gray sexual assaults.”

Ennis is one of many victims of adaptations not following the original author’s intent.

“Many authors will find adaptations not nearly as edgy or transphobic as they had intended,” related literature professor Tom Oleman. “I remember that the Ender’s Game adaptation featured very little Mormon propaganda. There was some, but not enough. It’s very difficult for these authors when they see the products that they worked hard on get substantially improved by better writers.”

At press time, Garth Ennis was trying to sell an adaptation of Crossed, but even more poorly written.

TNA Against All Odds 2024 Card: Every Match revealed

TNA Against All Odds 2024 is set to take place on Friday, June 14th, but what is the card for this Pay Per View event?

Several title matches have already been confirmed for the show, including the main event between Moose and Matt Hardy for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.

TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace will also be putting her title on the line against a mystery opponent in an open challenge, which could end up being a WWE NXT Superstar.

TNA Against All Odds Matches

Here are all of the matches currently confirmed for TNA Against All Odds 2024:

  • Tag Team Match: Mike Santana & Steve Maclin vs The Rascalz (Trey Miguel & Zachary Wentz)
  • TNA Knockouts World Title Match: Jordynne Grace (c) vs. ??? (Open Challenge)
  • TNA World Tag Team Title Match: The System (Brian Myers & Eddie Edwards) (w/Alisha Edwards) (c) vs Nic Nemeth & Ryan Nemeth
  • TNA X-Division Title Match: Mustafa Ali (c) vs Trent Seven
  • TNA World Title Match: Moose (c) vs Matt Hardy
  • Sami Callihan vs. Jonathan Gresham (Countdown to TNA Against All Odds)

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig

Court Awards Custody to Whichever Episode of Bluey on at Moment

San Francisco – A divorce court in California has reportedly awarded custody of Mikey Pritchett not to either of his divorcing parents, but to whatever episode of Bluey is on at that moment. 

“It was definitely a shock,” said divorce lawyer Colby Bryant. “Sometimes custody will go to a grandparent or other guardian, but I’ve never seen an Australian TV show be given full custody of a child before. Sesame Street has guardianship of a bunch of kids but they’re usually the orphans they buy and turn into muppets. In the end, the ruling will almost certainly set a precedent for future cases, though hopefully we never see custody go to that bald bitch Caillou.”

The judge in the Pritchett case gave custody to whichever episode of Bluey was airing at that moment, a move celebrated by child psychologists. 

Bluey addresses a wide range of topics,” said Dr. Rose Alpaca, a lecturer on child development at UC Berkeley and fan of watching Bluey even when her children aren’t home. “There are episodes about sharing, self-confidence, and standing up for yourself, which are good for a child. There are also episodes about PTSD, infertility, and our powerlessness in the face of death, which usually leave parents in a puddle of tears while their child dances around to the episode’s end credits song. All we’ve found with kids who have been co-parented by Peppa Pig is that they start oinking and fat shaming their fathers.”

Lizzie Pritchett, Mikey’s mother, has appealed the decision in the hopes of getting at least joint custody with whichever Bluey episode is airing at that moment.

“I feel bad for how messy the divorce has gotten,” said Lizzie, who was basically raised by Mr Rogers and Fraggle Rock. “I never expected the judge to say that whichever episode of Bluey was airing at that moment would be a better guardian for Mikey than his parents. Then I watched the Sleepytime episode and I got it. That stuff is hard to compete with which is why I’m only appealing for joint custody. If I try for full custody and they play that shit in front of the judge, I’m screwed. My lawyers have even warned me that whichever episode of Bluey is currently airing at that moment might be given a conservatorship over me if I’m not careful.” 

As of press time Luke Pritchett, Mikey’s father, welcomed the decision as he had already made peace with never being as good a father as Bandit Heeler.

We Visited a Pennsylvania State Penitentiary to Meet the One Woman Who Attended ECW One Night Stand 2005

ECW’s One Night Stand reunion show is one of the most memorable wrestling events in recent decades. 2500 of the outlaw promotion’s legendary rabid fans, almost exclusively young-to-middle-aged men, filled the Hammerstein Ballroom to watch chaotic matches involving steel chairs, cheese graters, and flaming tables one more time. One of those rabid fans shouting profane chants at Eric Bischoff and catching splashes of beer and blood from The Sandman and Tommy Dreamer was Barbara “Barf” Laitenin, who broke the mold as the only woman to attend. We visited Laitenin in her current residence at the Cambridge Springs State Correctional Institution to hear her perspective on the historic pay-per-view.

Hard Drive: Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with us, Barbara!

No one’s called me “Barbara” since I was a kid. Call me “Barf.”

HD: Ok, Barf, what was the energy like that night? It must have been electric.

It was off the fuckin’ chain, dude! I was as hyped as the time I saw Terry Funk brand Cactus Jack and got grounded when I tried to do it to my little brother. Rad shit, man.

HD: What was your favorite match?

I’m not gonna lie; I butt-chugged some beer in the parking lot and butt-snorted some coke in the bathroom so my memory of it is hazy, but it’s gotta be the last one when everyone came out.

HD: You were in the minority being the only female attendee there. Did you ever feel out of place as a wrestling fan among that crowd?

Are you calling me a pussy? I ain’t a pussy! Watch me chew this phone cord in half!

HD: No, no, no—we know you’re tough, Barf. But did you ever feel like you had to prove yourself among your wrestling friends more than others?

You know, those crazy bastards are my people, but I will say, whenever my guy friends jumped through tables at parties, they were never impressed when I joined in until I started setting the tables on fire first. One of the times I did it, I accidentally burned my buddy’s house down.

HD: Is that how you ended up in here?

Nah, just probation on that one. This time around was when I tried to rob a gas station. I had a whole escape plan and everything, but I got nervous in the middle of it, so I psyched myself up by bashing my own head with a beer like the Sandman and accidentally knocked myself out. Woke up in a Philly PD cruiser.

HD: Do you think some parts of the show haven’t aged the best? The crowd chanted some pretty disparaging things about Lita and Dawn Marie.

Dawn Marie! That crack whore! Why? What did they say about her?

HD: Uh, never mind. Any other thoughts about the show you want to add?

Yeah! Fuck JBL!

WWE NXT Battleground 2024 Results: Everything you need to know

WWE NXT Battleground 2024 took place tonight from the UFC APEX in Las Vegas, Nevada, but what happened on the show?

A number of big-time Championship matches were confirmed for the card ahead of the event, including the main event between Trick Williams and former AEW star Ethan Page.

TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace also challenged for the NXT Women’s Championship against Roxanne Perez in the biggest cross-promotional match in WWE for years.

WWE NXT Battleground Results

Here are all of the results from NXT Battleground 2024:

  • WWE NXT Women’s North American Title Six Way Ladder Match: Kelani Jordan b. Michin, Fallon Henley, Lash Legend, Sol Ruca and Jaida Parker – Kelani Jordan would end up climbing the ladder and retrieving the belt, making her the first-ever NXT North American Women’s Champion!
  • WWE NXT Tag Team Title Match: Axiom & Nathan Frazer (c) b. The OC (Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows) – Frazer managed to get the win for his team after hitting a Phoenix Splash on Anderson for the 1, 2, 3.
  • NXT Underground Match: Lola Vice b. Shayna Baszler – Vice would take the win after hitting a spinning backfist to Baszler and then following up with hammer fists on the floor, causing the referee to call for the bell.
  • WWE NXT North American Title Triple Threat Match: Oba Femi (c) b. Joe Coffey and Wes Lee – Oba Femi took the win to retain his title after hitting two Pop-Up Powerbombs on both Coffey and Wes Lee. The man is a walking wrecking ball it’s awesome.
  • WWE NXT Women’s Title Match: Roxanne Perez (c) b. Jordynne Grace – Following distractions from Tatum Paxley and Dana Brooke (!?), Perez took the win with the Pop Rox.
  • WWE NXT Title Match: Trick Williams (c) b. Ethan Page – Williams was able to hit the Quick Shot running knee to retain his title over Page.

Fans in the United States can watch all of the action from the UFC APEX back on demand via NBC’s Peacock streaming service.

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig

WWE News: Former AEW star has first match at NXT Battleground

WWE News: Former AEW star Ethan Page had his first match at NXT Battleground tonight, but was he victorious against Trick Williams?

‘All Ego’ was in the main event against the NXT Champion Williams, with his coveted title on the line. 

WWE News: Ethan Page vs Trick Williams Result

Williams was able to hit the Quick Shot running knee to retain his title over Page.

WWE NXT Battleground Matches

Here are all of the matches set to take place tonight:

  • WWE NXT Women’s North American Title Six Way Ladder Match: Michin vs Fallon Henley vs Lash Legend vs Sol Ruca vs Jaida Parker vs Kelani Jordan
  • NXT Underground Match: Shayna Baszler vs Lola Vice
  • WWE NXT North American Title Triple Threat Match: Oba Femi (c) vs Joe Coffey vs Wes Lee
  • WWE NXT Tag Team Title Match: Axiom & Nathan Frazer (c) vs The OC (Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows)
  • WWE NXT Women’s Title Match: Roxanne Perez (c) vs Jordynne Grace
  • WWE NXT Title Match: Trick Williams (c) vs Ethan Page

Fans in the United States can watch all of the action from the UFC APEX back on demand via NBC’s Peacock streaming service.

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig

Former WWE Superstar appears at NXT Battleground

A former WWE Superstar appeared at the NXT Battleground 2024 Premium Live Event tonight from the UFC APEX in Las Vegas.

TNA star Ash By Elegance, formerly Dana Brooke in WWE, appeared during the NXT Women’s Championship match.

Dana Brooke appears at WWE NXT Battleground 2024

Tatum Paxley appeared from the crowd and grabbed the TNA Knockouts Championship, distracting Jordynne Grace who went to the entranceway to confront her when Ash By Elegance appeared to try and grab the title from Paxley.

This seems to confirm that we’ll be getting Paxley at the upcoming TNA Against All Odds PPV event, but it could be a triple-threat match for the TNA Knockouts belt between Tatum, Jordynne and Ash By Elegance.

WWE NXT Battleground Matches

Here are all of the matches set to take place tonight:

  • WWE NXT Women’s North American Title Six Way Ladder Match: Michin vs Fallon Henley vs Lash Legend vs Sol Ruca vs Jaida Parker vs Kelani Jordan
  • NXT Underground Match: Shayna Baszler vs Lola Vice
  • WWE NXT North American Title Triple Threat Match: Oba Femi (c) vs Joe Coffey vs Wes Lee
  • WWE NXT Tag Team Title Match: Axiom & Nathan Frazer (c) vs The OC (Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows)
  • WWE NXT Women’s Title Match: Roxanne Perez (c) vs Jordynne Grace
  • WWE NXT Title Match: Trick Williams (c) vs Ethan Page

Fans in the United States can watch all of the action from the UFC APEX back on demand via NBC’s Peacock streaming service.

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig

WWE News: TNA Champion challenges for NXT Title at Battleground PLE

WWE News: Roxanne Perez defended her WWE NXT Women’s Championship against TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace at NXT Battleground tonight.

It was an unprecedented sight, seeing a title holder from a different promotion challenging for an active WWE Championship at a Premium Live Event.

WWE News: Did Jordynne Grace beat Roxanne Perez at WWE NXT Battleground?

After a FANTASTIC match, Perez hit the Pop Rocks to defend her title. 

WWE NXT Battleground Matches

Here are all of the matches set to take place tonight:

  • WWE NXT Women’s North American Title Six Way Ladder Match: Michin vs Fallon Henley vs Lash Legend vs Sol Ruca vs Jaida Parker vs Kelani Jordan
  • NXT Underground Match: Shayna Baszler vs Lola Vice
  • WWE NXT North American Title Triple Threat Match: Oba Femi (c) vs Joe Coffey vs Wes Lee
  • WWE NXT Tag Team Title Match: Axiom & Nathan Frazer (c) vs The OC (Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows)
  • WWE NXT Women’s Title Match: Roxanne Perez (c) vs Jordynne Grace
  • WWE NXT Title Match: Trick Williams (c) vs Ethan Page

Fans in the United States can watch all of the action from the UFC APEX back on demand via NBC’s Peacock streaming service.

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig