Game Night: Explore a Dream of Urban Decay in ‘Repose’

When I was a kid, I had a few computer games that I’d found incomplete at garage sales. Some of them were impossible to understand without their manual, if they worked at all, but I’d still fire them up occasionally just to see what I could accomplish.

Repose is one of a handful of games I’ve played recently that reminds me of that experience, as it’s both literally and figuratively about fumbling around in the dark.

Like Dragon Ruins, Repose plays out as if it were an attempt to boil a first-person dungeon crawler down to a single core element. In DR, that element was the experience grind; in Repose, it’s finding your way through a maze of twisty rooms, all alike. It’s a simple formula that’s primarily built around trial and error, and carried by its style and visual design.

At the start of the game, you’re a new employee for a nameless company, who’s come aboard to replace someone named Aaron who abruptly disappeared. Your job is to explore the lower levels of the company’s facility and retrieve any oxygen tanks you can find.

Those tanks are exclusively found on the skeletal corpses of men in astronaut suits, which is the first warning sign. The second is that the facility is patrolled by increasingly bizarre, hostile mutants; the third is that Aaron periodically approaches you in your dreams to warn you about what’s to come; the fourth is that the facility changes dramatically with each new level, from an isolated basement to an abandoned city to what might be post-apocalyptic cyberspace. It’s possible that this is a bad gig.

In each level of Repose, you start at a bed with a fixed amount of energy, which depletes by 1 every time you take a step. Your goal is to use that finite number of available actions to explore the maze until you find something that will let you progress, such as a door switch, a keycard, or someone who knows more than you do.

The first hurdle you have to get over with Repose is that it’s self-consciously designed like a PC game from the ‘80s. It looks like it was built to run on a VAX terminal, although the animation’s too fluid for that; it has no mouse controls at all; the save system uses 8-digit passwords; and melee combat requires you to walk into enemies while holding down the Enter key. It’s a lot to get used to unless you just came out of a 45-year coma.

Past that, it’s a game about pushing yourself to go a little bit further after each consecutive, guaranteed failure. You get access to an in-game map throughout much of the facility, but it’s deliberately not as helpful as it could be. Once you have your bearings in any given level, it’s a question of exploring as far as you can before your energy runs out or something with a TV instead of a face turns you inside out. When you die, you’re immediately sent back to the closest bed to try again, while all enemies immediately respawn.

There are a few more quirks to it than that, but Repose is almost as simple as it initially appears to be. The finite pool of energy is both the only real source of tension in Repose and the most obnoxious thing about it. If you removed the energy limit, Repose would lose virtually all of its challenge, but with it, much of the game is about failing upwards.

As a result, Repose ends up feeling more like a strange platformer than anything else. Once you’ve figured out where you need to go, each stretch of the maze narrows to the successful execution of a sequence of timed inputs: forward, forward, forward, ready axe, kill monster before it shoots you, forward, left, forward, etc.

It’s an odd overall experience. If Repose wasn’t also a surreal horror story, I might not have stuck with it for as long as I did. It’s got some great visuals and interesting twists scattered across its short run time, along with a creepy lo-fi soundtrack.

The dystopian edge of the gig economy has given rise to a slow-building sub-genre in horror, with games like this and Threshold at the forefront. Repose is like “The Prisoner” for wage slaves, and even after I’d lost some patience with its gameplay, I kept going to see what would happen next.

This is absolutely one of those games that remind me why I don’t use a scoring system. Repose’s actual mechanics are simple and guaranteed to frustrate you, but its visual design and overall vibes might make it worth the trip for die-hard horror nerds. It’s in what I think of as the Velvet Underground tier of media; not everyone will enjoy Repose, but anyone who does will go on to make art that’s a lot like it.

[Repose, developed by Attila Bertold Bozó and published by Akupara Games, is now available for PC via Steam for $7.99. This column was written using a Steam code purchased by Hard Drive.]

Trans Woman Harassed on Deadlock Happy Her Voice Training is Working

BEAVERCREEK, Ohio — Local woman Skye Meadows, better known by her in-game display name TheValidValkyrie, has found gender affirmation in an unexpected place: the voice chat of early access MOBA shooter Deadlock.

“It was really weird,” said Meadows. “I was calling for support left in voice chat and one of my teammates just called me a bitch. Later in the game that same guy tried to 1v3 and asked if I was ‘too busy making sandwiches’ to help him when he died. It was annoying at first, but then I realized he was harassing me because I sound like a girl.”

Meadows has been an avid online gamer since middle school, and came out as a transgender woman in August of 2022, but didn’t immediately see the point of voice training.

“There was just a lot of other stuff on my plate. I had to buy a whole new wardrobe, learn to take care of my hair, and figure out hormones all in the space of like a month,” Meadows said. “My friends and family were all chill, so I didn’t really think much about my voice until about a year ago while I was playing Counter Strike. I’m used to getting called homophobic or racial slurs in games, so this is a nice change of pace!”

When reached for comment, Meadows’s teammate, a 15-year-old called x_MrMisogyny_x, had this to say:

“Girls are just worse at video games. It’s like, biological. When I hear a girl in my team chat, I try to make her quit, ‘cuz she’s just not supposed to be there. Gaming is for men, like me.” MrMisogyny had further comments, but was interrupted by his mother calling him downstairs for dinner.

Meadows hopes her newfound confidence in her feminine voice in online gaming will translate into real world gender recognition.

“I think this might finally get the pharmacist to call me ‘ma’am’ when I go to pick up my estrogen prescription!”

At press time, Meadows has expressed hope that she would be called female coded slurs in Valorant next

Rating Cooking Mama Recipes By How Much Sawdust You Can Hide in It

In this day and age it’s tougher than ever to make sure kids are eating enough. Mama’s everywhere are in a constant battle to fill their kids tummy’s. Between picky eaters and a whole array of food allergies it’s tough to make sure kids are getting the volume of food they need. But this cooking mama has a little secret to pack some extra volume into practically any meal, Sawdust! So for all those other busy Mama’s out there here are some great Cooking Mama recipes, specially rated based on how much sawdust you can hide in them.

Boiled Egg – 1/10

Perhaps one day Scientists will crack how to fit sawdust into a boiled egg. Until that day the rest of us wait with bated breath. For those with especially foolish children you may replace Salt and Pepper with Sawdust and see if the kid says anything.

Miso Soup – 2/10

Good for a pinch here and there but add too much and it becomes more of a porridge. For those with a little wood glue lying around, feel free to gather some sawdust and mold it into cubes. Your kids didn’t like Tofu before and they still don’t.

Grilled Mackerel – 3/10

Stuffing the fish with too much Sawdust is what killed it in the first place. Add too much post mortem and you risk it bursting into flames during grilling. That being said, if combustion can be avoided the Sawdust soaks up a decent amount of oil during cooking and keeps meat flakey and succulent.

Egg Grilled Sunny Side Up – 3/10

Lots of plate space hidden underneath the egg. Place the egg over a bed of Sawdust and they’ll be none the wiser. Once that yolk is broken and making a mess they’ll be glad the Sawdust is there to soak it all up.

Fried Rice – 3/10

Just a pile of Sawdust. Really fifty-fifty on this one they’ll either love it or hate it. If they start asking questions just tell them it’s been in the fridge for a while. If they keep pressing the point, burst into tears and ask what you did to make them hate you. That should throw them off your scent.

Stuffed Peppers – 4/10

Stuffed with what? You guessed it, Sawdust! Really play around with this one, it seems simple but there’s a world of opportunity. Sure the Sawdust is a necessity but what kind of pepper? The world is your oyster (Provided it’s an oyster made of Sawdust).

Japanese Hamburg Steak – 5/10

With all the Vegan meat alternatives currently out on the market why not add this horse to the race? This tender delicious Steak is completely Sawdust. Add a sprinkling on top for garnish and this is a dish fit for a Michelin star (back when Michelin only sold tires).

Croquette – 6/10

French cuisine is especially well suited for Sawdust adaptations, and this dish is proof. A traditional Croquette is a roll of meat, vegetables or fish covered in breadcrumbs and fried. This play on the Croquette is a roll of Sawdust covered in Sawdust and fried. Garnish with Iceberg lettuce if desired.

Spaghetti Neapolitan – 6/10

Spaghetti can be tough. Add too much Sawdust and the texture is evident, add to little and what are we doing here? If you do end up adding too much, tell your child “that’s just how they eat it in Neapolita.” and “who are we to question the ways of the noble Neapolitans?”.

Rice Cakes – 7/10

Another pile of Sawdust but this time really emphasizes the “cake” part of it. Your kids may be a little confused at first but if you take a couple of fake bites and act like it tastes really good they’ll get jealous and snatch them right out of your hands.

Fried Gyoza – 8/10

You may think that only the filling of these delectable Fried Gyoza is Sawdust but think again. For our recipe we’ll be making our own Gyoza wrapper from scratch using water and Sawdust. With a wrapper and filling of Sawdust your kids will be full after just a handful.

Rice Gratin – 9/10

A full casserole dish of Sawdust. For added flair, toss it under the broiler for a few minutes to give a golden brown crust. A home chief with a little extra cash to burn can invest in a Kitchen Torch to expedite this process and hit fat dabs after dinner.

Sandwich 10/10

It’s just the way your mother used to make it. Feel the history of generations in your hands as you compress Sawdust into two squares for bread. Proteins, Vegetables, Cheeses, and Condiments can all eventually be replaced with additional Sawdust with enough experimentation.

Instant Ramen 10/10

For those nights where you just don’t have the energy, this is a quick and easy way to get your kids to eat a styrofoam cup of Sawdust. They’ll be so surprised your face is on the cup they won’t really look at what’s inside.

Vegetable Curry – 10/10

A staple of Sawdust cuisine. Mix well seasoned Sawdust with water for your curry base, add additional Sawdust to thicken. With some chunks of Sawdust cooked until tender and a side of White Sawdust your kids will be licking those plates clean. Make in large batches and you could have Sawdust for the whole week.

Hades Game Fan Desperately Tries and Fails to Avoid Incest Ships While Writing Fanfiction

CHICAGO — Despite her best efforts, 15-year-old Katherine Vargas reportedly cannot write any Hades fanfiction without incest cropping up as part of the story.

“So I started playing Hades and saw all the gods and goddesses and was like, this is like a perfect sandbox for shippers like me, so I got writing,” said Vargas, about her first story that envisioned Ares and Athena in an enemies-to-lovers romance. “All of a sudden, it starts picking up tons of interest from incest fetish people, and I was like, ew, what?” The one-time honor student claims she was unaware that the two were siblings.

Undeterred, the potential college aspirant attempted more stories with other romantic pairings. “Apollo and Artemis! Aphrodite and Ares! Zeus and Poseidon! I became the number one incest fanfic author on AO3. How? Tell me how?!” Vargas said. “So finally I looked up their family tree. Turned out it was more like a family knotted-up ball Christmas lights. Jesus.”

James Vargas, the author’s father, 44, began to notice a clear change in his daughter’s behavior as she spent more and more time writing these stories. “I stopped seeing her for days! And when I did see her, she’d be all weird,” he said. “Like I made her favorite potato skins, and at dinner I asked if she wanted hers naked or filled up. Then she sorta just stared into my eyes for a minute, then called me a creep, and ran off. Whereas she usually likes her skins filled up.” It is reported that Katherine Vargas has deleted her account on the website Archive of Our Own (AO3).

At press time, Vargas reportedly decided to start writing fanfiction in private, beginning with a vanilla romance about the main character of Hades’s parents, Hades and Persephone, but was horrified to find that Hades is Persephone’s uncle.

Sony Announces Next Gen Remake of Game They Haven’t Released Yet

SAN MATEO, Calif. — Sony Interactive Entertainment announced earlier this week that they are currently working on a next gen remake for a game that has not yet been released. Newly appointed SIE President and CEO, Hideaki Nishino, confirmed the long rumored remake during the latest State of Play presentation.

“When I took this position I swore I would continue to grow PlayStation through IP expansion and technology innovation,” Nishino said in a The Last of Us Part II Remastered t-shirt. “The remaster of this unreleased game will introduce a new audience to the expansive world we’re still building and the lovable characters we haven’t even created yet.”

Players who plan to drop $80 on the original game, when it releases, have voiced their concerns about paying for the eventual remaster. Nishino weathered those concerns during his presentation.

“I know $80 is a lot for the original and I know $100 is even more for the remake, but true fans will pay those prices and understand that is just the costs of making and remaking art,” Nishino said before revealing the logo of [Working Title] Remastered to thunderous pre-recorded applause. “I can also reveal today, if you preorder both the original game and the remaster, you’ll receive a free sticker of your favorite, currently unannounced character. All you pay is the shipping and handling!”

Understanding that this remaster may not be for everyone, Nishino then went on to announce multiple new products in rapid succession.

“We’ve got something for everyone coming in the next calendar year,” Nishino said as he danced around the stage in excitement. “Did you like Knack and Knack II? We’re releasing a remastered bundle of both games. Big Helldivers fan? We’re rereleasing the first game on PS5. Like Xbox exclusives? We’re getting the second remake of Gears of War, so you don’t have to buy a god awful Xbox. Tired of all these remakes and want something original? Don’t worry we got you. Insomniac is working on a new Marvel game.”

At press time, pre-orders for the untitled original game and its remaster went live at all major retailers.

Wizards of the Coast Preparing to Announce New Controversy

RENTON, Wash. — Principal Magic: The Gathering designer, Gavin Verhey has revealed that Wizards of the Coast is set to announce a brand new controversy.

Verhey spoke about the upcoming controversy in one of the regular videos he makes for the popular TCG’s YouTube channel.

“Obviously keeping our fanbase engaged is a big challenge, and we find that there is no better way to get people talking about Magic than by doing something they will absolutely hate,” Verhey said. “I wish I could reveal more at this time, but I promise what we have in the works will make them nostalgic for the venture into the dungeon mechanic. I look forward to the many death threats and wishes of bodily harm I know our most passionate fans will be sending my way.”

Popular Magic YouTuber and host of Tolarian Community College, Brian Lewis AKA “The Professor” uploaded a reaction video entitled, “Quitting Magic And Becoming A Yu-Gi-Oh Channel”.

“Many Magic: The Gathering players ask, ‘When should I stop taking shit from Wizards of the Coast?’, and I am here to tell you that today is the day.” The Professor said, “If you thought Daybound and Nightbound was bad, well, this latest controversy has forced my hand–no pun intended–and from this day forward the Tolarian Community College is no more. From this moment on this channel will only make Yu-Gi-Oh content and will be rebranded as ‘Domino City Community College’. I will also be retiring my famous phrase, ‘Reading the card explains the card.’, because have you ever tried reading a Yu-Gi-Oh card? That shit is indecipherable.”

Wizards of the Coast PR released a brief and uncredited statement defending the announcement of the new controversy.

“We know you piggies will swarm like the swine you are around the trough once we put this shit up for sale. We could put a little turd in each booster pack and as long as we said 1 in 4 turds had bits of foil in it they’d sell out immediately because no piggie can resist a bucket of sweet sweet slop.”

At press time, Wizards of the Coast had announced a limited run of Rainbow Foil Turds on Secret Lair that briefly crashed the website due to customer demand.

Opinion: These Methods May Seem Extreme, but in the Long Run They Will Bring Order to California (By Caesar)

So you’re the courier who dares to speak out against the Legion.

My trusted frumentarius, Vulpes Inculta, has told me of your outrage as you witnessed the burning ruins of what was once Nipton. My legionaries brought order to a lawless city of California, and yet rather than sing praises of our triumph you shed tears for the criminals we stopped? A lesser leader would have you dragged out and detained for daring to question us, but I am no barbarian.

It pains me to admit it, but nobody ever fully shrugs off the teachings of the Followers of the Apocalypse. Deep down, Caesar really is a sweetheart, but if you tell anybody I’ll crucify you. So just for you, I will grant the boon of wisdom. Allow me to explain why the New California Republic must be destroyed.

The Legion and the NCR were both born out of the lands of savage tribals. As mighty Rome did to the Sabines so long ago, we brought our neighbors to our heel. The tribes could assimilate or die. Either way, we erased all traces of their primitive language and culture, and the Legion was stronger for it.

But even before its decay, the NCR was soft. They welcomed themselves to migrants. President Tandi herself once made negotiations with the same tribal terrorist who destroyed the great Enclave all so she could welcome a vault full of vagrant squatters. Now, though, the NCR languishes under Aaron Kimball, a leader so incompetent my men call him Somnolentus Aaron. Kimball has allowed his country to be flooded with dangerous criminals, destroying their economy.

Compare that to how I have transformed Arizona. Crime is all but nonexistent. Traders can do business in peace. Traditional values are upheld. Women know their place. Degeneracy is punished. We do not coddle the weak and infirm (except, for reasons I don’t have to explain, people with brain tumors). We trust the natural remedies of healing powder instead of injecting ourselves with dangerous stimpaks, and the scientists of the Brotherhood of Steel are nowhere to be found. Ask anyone who isn’t crucified or enslaved, and they will tell you life under the Legion’s rule is a veritable Elysium.

The NCR has suffered from burdensome leadership long enough. The people of California must be liberated from foreign invaders, and that is why I will invade them. The profligates will complain, of course. Lanius told me they have “Caesar derangement.” But history will thank me. Our mass crucifixions are a small price to pay if it prevents chaos and violence.

Now fuck off. Go kill Mr. House or something. I need to plan the military parade following our triumph at Hoover Dam.

Trump Administration Condemns Mario Kart World’s Open Border Policy

WASHINGTON — White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt spoke out against the open world design of Mario Kart World for the Nintendo Switch 2, the newest game in the long-running series.

“Frankly, if you don’t have strong borders, you don’t have a kingdom,” said Leavitt. “This game erases the cultural distinctions between Peach Stadium and Moo Moo Meadows. If you can just drive between one track and the next, then how can you say they’re even different tracks? These beautiful, unique courses just blend together to become one bland, unspectacular overworld. And, if we’re being honest, everyone here knows that a society like Boo Cinema could never build DK Spaceport. President Trump demands that Nintendo immediately eliminate the open world elements of the newest Mario Kart title.”

Some Trump supporters were surprised by the administration’s strong stance.

“This isn’t what I voted for,” said Robert O’Brien, 43, a Long Island native. “Sure, I don’t like it when you spend two whole laps driving to the next course on a wide, straight highway, then barely get to drive on the actual track. But that’s a Grand Prix problem. The various connected paths are perfect for Knockout Tour, and the open world itself is fun when you want to chill out and explore. I can’t believe how extreme Trump has been on this issue. If he keeps it up for another year or two, I might even consider insincerely threatening not to support him any more.”

Prominent Democrats attempted to use the issue to court moderate voters.

“Now, of course, I’m not in favor of open world games,” said Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz. “I think a strong, linear path is the best way to construct an interactive narrative. We should respect the traditional gaming values that built this country. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s okay to tell a company that’s been around for over a century how to conduct itself. There’s plenty of compromises we could make. We obviously can’t allow full freedom of movement, but there are other options. Nintendo is no stranger to Warp Zones or sequence breaking. I don’t think any reasonable person could be opposed to those kinds of measures.”

At press time, President Trump had deployed a detachment of 800 Koopa Troopas to, “liberate,” Crown City.

New York Times Games Adds New ‘Endorsement’ Puzzle

NEW YORK — The New York Times Games app has added a new logic puzzle based on the city’s upcoming Democratic mayoral primary election, sources confirm.

“Clue 1: You must not rank Zohran Mamdani,” reads the first—and, so far, only—puzzle. “Clue 2: We are not endorsing Andrew Cuomo. Clue 3: Really, we do not make official endorsements on local elections anymore. Clue 4: You must rank either Mamdani or Cuomo without violating any of the previous directives.”

Fans of the app were happy to see new content.

“I already use the app every day for Wordle and Spelling Bee,” said Charles Callahan, 64. “This should keep me busy for a while. It’s pretty confusing. It’s supposed to be about voting, but there’s spots for more than one name. I don’t really understand it. When I click ‘hint,’ it just tells me that sexual harassment is a personal matter and shouldn’t be something that you consider when you vote. Oh well, I guess I’ll just write ‘Cuomo,’ since I recognize his name the most. They write about him in the paper all the time. Hey! That was the right answer! The game says I’m very smart for figuring it out.”

Media analyst Spencer Kane, 33, speculated that the New York Times and other publications will increasingly deliver a variety of content in the form of puzzle games.

“This is just how our media landscape is evolving in 2025,” said Kane. “Matrices and grids have taken over film and sports discussion. Older folks who were still following legacy media have since abandoned in favor of spamming family group chats with their daily Wordle-like scores. Soon, you’ll have to guess the upcoming week’s weather just to know what the forecast is. It’s no surprise that the Times is using this to find a way to give a mealy-mouthed non-endorsement to Cuomo after they vowed never to endorse in local contests ever again. It’s basically as clever as they get.”

When reached for comment, The New York Times directed reporters to two separate public relations representatives—one who always tells the truth, and one who always lies.

J.K. Rowling Confirms Dumbledore Was Just Going Through a Phase, Actually

BIRMINGHAM, England — Controversial author J.K. Rowling courted controversy online when she tweeted that her iconic gay character Professor Dumbledore had actually just been going through a phase when he began a long and loving relationship with fellow wizard Gellert Grindelwald and had dated, and even married, a series of conventionally attractive, cisgender, heterosexual women.

“Dumbledore’s sexuality was never on the forefront of my mind, so when you just assume he had a homosexual relationship because I said he did, you can’t therefore assume he’s some kind of deviant homosexual! It’s nowhere in the text, it’s nowhere on the page, that isn’t how literature works, you filthy freaks!” the author emphatically insisted, receiving several replies featuring AI-generated images of a six-fingered Dumbledore holding the hand of a woman who appeared to be a construct of Rowling and several other prominent women in the online TERF space.

Fans were split, with die-hard fans of the series, its many spin-offs, and fan contributions being utterly unsurprised at this point. 

“At this point, it’s not really in your hands what Dumbledore is and isn’t,” responded user Potterless-And-Proud, in a now blocked post. “Most people engage more with fan projects and spin-offs that aren’t directly connected to you than they do the original books nowadays. We especially don’t care about your weird, endless retcons that you only post online for attention. She can keep stealing from lesser-known creators. It’s not like her new work has found any kind of audience at all.”

Fans of Rowling who followed her hateful advocacy rather than her written works rallied behind her.

“I’ve been saying it all along: it makes no sense for Dumbledore to be gay,” wrote one fan account that had been created five minutes previously and still did not have an avatar. “At no point is he weird or inappropriate with those children. He only puts them in danger and constantly contradicts himself and other teachers around them for their own good! Tell me where that sounds ‘GAY!’”

Rowling was seen gleefully retweeting the same 3 bots and 10 blue check followers she always does while counting her money and insisting it definitely filled the hole where creative contentment and the respect of your peers should have gone.