LOS ANGELES — Following a recent round of employee layoffs, Riot Games CEO Dylan Jadeja assured fans that all of their favorite titles and the company’s general output would be unaffected.
“The simple fact is, none of the people we’ve let go play an important part in what we do,” Jadeja explained. “We’re talking things like HR reps, community managers, artists, programmers. Who needs ‘em? Without all these extra employees bringing us down Riot’s titles will be better than ever before. And they’ll be made faster too.”
According to sources close to the CEO it was after that sentence he then turned to his computer monitor and said, “Computer, make me a video game.” Reports indicate Jadeja repeated this command multiple times, unsure what might be causing the delay.
“There’s not even a mic on his computer,” said receptionist Kristin Straight, one of Riot’s remaining employees. “I don’t get it. I always thought Dylan was a great boss before this. He always seemed so effective at delegating … which, now that I say it, I guess means he just told people what to do all the time.”
Despite criticism of his recent decisions, both externally and within the company, Jadeja insists the future is bright. “Even the best changes have some short-term difficulties while everyone adjusts,” Jadeja said, while staring at his static monitor. “Once it’s working, though, you’ll see what we can do. Now, Computer, make sure the video game has good graphics, too. And lots of cool weapon skins to buy! And maybe a good story. Make it now, Computer. Thank you.”
Following a few moments of silence, he pushed his face to the monitor and yelled “WHERE IS THE VIDEO GAME I ASKED FOR?”
“At first I thought he wanted to replace everyone he fired with AI. I mean, maybe he does, I honestly don’t know anymore,” continued Straight. “I tried showing him some AI art sites to get him to stop, and he said ‘I don’t want to make pictures, I want to make video games!’” She turned around to look at her boss’s office, where he was threatening to give the computer a pay cut. “I don’t think he knows what people actually do to get games made.”
At press time, Jadeja had begun shouting his bank account number out loud after an email claiming to be from “The Computer” said it required this information to make a video game.
PITTSBURGH — Attendees at the USAW National Championships bore witness to Shaun Peterson’s historic lift today. For the first time in the organization’s history, victory was achieved by none other than a gamer, sources have confirmed.
“Wait, that guy wasn’t a professional bodybuilder?” asked James Gains, a spectator at the event. “I’d never have guessed he had such an inactive hobby. I guess you really can outlift an Olympic athlete if you put in the constant effort to achieve your dreams. I’d love to try doing whatever workout routine he’s been on.”
Following this monumental feat, Peterson joined several reporters on a Discord call to discuss his self-guided training regimen.
“For years I would actively avoid the gym. I would seal myself up in my room for days at a time. I would only use my Wii Balance Board as a tray for my snacks. But last week, I accidentally shut down my desktop, and caught my reflection in the monitor,” Peterson said. “I immediately realized that this wasn’t the life I wanted. So I made a commitment: I would blend myself a single protein shake with years-old protein powder. All of a sudden, my arms began to swell rapidly, bursting through my shirt.”
Peterson said he had no idea so much mass could exist on his arms, and was having a hard time adjusting. He continued to tell reporters about the rest of the regimen that lead him to victory at the competition.
“My transformation still had a long way to go — 15 minutes longer, to be exact. I put my shoes on and went for a walk around the neighborhood. The next time I saw my reflection, I gazed upon the image I always imagined I looked like. That’s when I knew I had to compete in weightlifting at a national level.”
Peterson’s doctor, Helen Wong, also had the opportunity to express her concerns over Peterson’s lifestyle to reporters.
“It’s an improvement, no doubt,” Wong explained, “but I’m worried there must have been some radioactive substance in this powder. I believe Shaun has a very short time remaining and his family and friends should begin to make plans. Regardless, I hope he keeps up with weightlifting.”
As of press time, Peterson was seen throwing away an invitation to the US Olympic Weightlifting team before darting into his garage with roughly a week’s worth of snacks. Reports indicate the sounds of crunching pork rinds and League of Legends can also be heard nearby Peterson’s house.
As of press time sources close to Peterson say he is using his trophy as a controller caddy.
After half a year of heartbreak following a messy split from his girlfriend, James Moore, 38, reports he’s healed enough emotionally to pursue a video-game romance with a Japanese high schooler.
“I was devastated when Jen left,” Moore said. “I mean, I’d just bought this beautiful yukata for her to wear when we went to see the fireworks together. But now that I’ve had some time to get settled with my feelings I can see that there are plenty of other fish in the digital sea.”
Despite some nerves around diving back into the dating games, Christopher emphasized his excitement at all of the new romantic possibilities available to him – both as a newly single man, and as the 17-year-old protagonist of a JRPG or visual novel.
“I just love meeting new people. There’s something so special about a first date: the nervous jitters, the shy glances, the looming threat of an eldritch god destroying the world or an animatronic bear making you all kill each other. I’ve missed it. Jenny never understood,” lamented Moore, plucking an errant gray hair from his beard.
Friends close to Moore expressed that they were happy to see him moving on with his life, but hope he won’t rush into a video-game relationship prematurely.
“I just don’t want to see James [Moore] get hurt again,” said longtime friend Greg Henson, 36. “These cute anime girls aren’t always what they seem to be. The other day he started hitting on that fortune teller from Persona 5, and I had to rush over and warn him that she’s like, 29 or something. A woman that age going after a boy his character’s age is just predatory and wrong, that’s why James [Moore] needs to be with a girl who’s 18 or 19 at the oldest.”
When reached for comment, Moore’s ex-girlfriend Jennifer said she wishes him the best, and is willing to testify at any future criminal hearing.
Have you and your partner not spoken in days, despite living in the same house? Do you long to rekindle the love you once had, if there was ever anything there at all? This Valentines Day, perhaps try these carefully curated co-op games that will, at the very least, take your mind off the pain.
#11 — It Takes 2
Play as an antagonistic, divorcing couple forced to work together in this innovative puzzle/adventure game. If you’re worried that may be too on the nose, just laugh together at the main characters’ dysfunction and temporarily feel superior. At least you and the person you share a bed with aren’t enemies; you’re just strangers.
#10 — Awkward
This underrated 2018 game will handle the conversation for you! Answer the prompts to personal questions and maybe, dear God, maybe, it will snowball into an actual conversation. Though the game advertises itself as intense and unique, most players find the questions palatable and mundane. Just like the myth of love.
#9 — Portal 2
Let Glados’ deadpan barbs fill the silence for you in this classic 2011 co-op game. Atlas and P-Body only communicate with each other in beeps and gestures, maybe you two could give that a shot?
#8 — Bread and Fred
This well-loved 2023 game is set in a chilly arctic landscape, just like the ice that sits uncomfortably between you two. Work together to climb peak after peak, never quite achieving satisfaction. Maybe you’ll finish the game, or maybe there is no happily ever after in games or in life.
#7 — Golf With Your Friends
Fitting, because the person sitting as far away from you as possible on your couch is more like a very nearby neighbor than your lover. Golf may be the world’s least interesting sport, but nothing could be more boring than the life you’ve made together.
#6 — Snipperclips
Cut out pieces of each other in order to progress, just like how you’ve carved out chunks of each other’s personalities over the years until neither of you can remember who you actually are. You changed yourself for companionship, and what was it worth in the end?
#5 — Minecraft
Sometimes, there’s no beating the classics. Listen to the soothing music while you build separate houses and live out your mutual fantasy of finally separating.
#4 — Goof Troop
Return to a simpler time with this 1993 capcom game. Remember the 90s? Remember when you were young and believed in romance? Remember when anything was possible? God, why can’t we go back?
#3 — Having Affairs
Not all games are played on consoles—some are played with the lives and hearts of those around you. Mutual infidelity makes the silence over your morning coffee tense and salacious, not just cold and awkward. Each sideways glance and bite of scrambled eggs is now loaded with sexy subtext.
#2 — Pong
Why the hell not? It’s just passing a pixel back and forth, like how you’re both constantly passing the buck, hoping the other will instigate the break up first. Nostalgia points because your parents probably played the same game when their love died.
#1 — Having Children
You’ll definitely have things to talk about now. If the silence in your shared home unnerves you, fill that silence and every second of every day with the largest responsibility any two people can share: cultivating human lives. You’ve already done such a bang up job with your own. At least you won’t have to worry about finding games to play together anymore, as you won’t have time for that.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 14.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A sharp, hooked claw of a bird of prey or a predatory animal, particularly one used for seizing and grasping prey.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“O”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 641 days straight! So here goes nothing:
A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.
Wordle #967 For February 11, 2024
“NEVER“
An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.
Wordle #966 For February 10, 2024
“FRIED“
An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.
Wordle #965 For February 9, 2024
“STIFF“
An adjective that means inflexible, or not easily bent.
Wordle #964 For February 8, 2024
“PLACE“
A specific point or area in space, indicating where something is situated or located.
Wordle #963 For February 7, 2024
“AFTER“
A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.
Wordle #962 For February 6, 2024
“WHICH“
A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.
Wordle #961 For February 5, 2024
“REPEL“
A verb that means to push away or drive back forcefully, or to cause strong dislike or aversion.
Wordle #960 For February 4, 2024
“VERGE“
A point at which something is about to happen or undergo a change.
Wordle #959 For February 3, 2024
“MICRO“
A prefix meaning small used in scientific, technical, and everyday language to denote something tiny in size or on a miniature scale.
Wordle #958 For February 2, 2024
“CLEFT“
An adjective that describes something that is split or divided, often into two parts.
Wordle #957 For February 1, 2024
“ALIVE“
An adjective that is characterized by the presence of vital signs, such as respiration, heartbeat, and consciousness.
Wordle #956 For January 31, 2024
“BULKY“
An adjective used to describe something that is large, heavy, and takes up a lot of space.
Wordle #955 For January 30, 2024
“EXPEL“
A verb that means to force someone to leave a place, group, or organization, typically as a result of a decision or directive.
Wordle #954 For January 29, 2024
“LEGGY“
An informal term that is often used to describe a person or thing that has long, slender lower limbs.
Wordle #953 For January 28, 2024
“EMBER“
A small, glowing piece of burning wood or coal, typically remaining after a fire has burned down or a piece of fuel has partially burned.
Wordle #952 For January 27, 2024
“SNAKE“
A creature that slithers and sheds the entirety of its skin.
Wordle #951 For January 26, 2024
“ALOOF“
An adjective that describes someone who is emotionally or physically distant, reserved, or indifferent in their social interactions.
Wordle #950 For January 25, 2024
“BLOCK“
A verb that means to obstruct, or to hinder progress.
An object that obstructs or hinders progress.
Wordle #949 For January 24, 2024
“RELIC“
An object or a part of an object that has survived from an earlier time, often with historical or cultural significance.
Wordle #948 For January 23, 2024
“STILL“
An adverb that means motionless or without movement.
An adjective that means remaining in place or unchanging.
Wordle #947 For January 22, 2024
“TWEAK“
A verb that means to make slight changes or adjustments in order to improve or fine-tune something.
A noun that means a small adjustment or modification made in order to improve or fine-tune something.
Wordle #946 For January 21, 2024
“NORTH“
A cardinal direction; a key point on the compass.
Wordle #945 For January 20, 2024
“LARGE“
An adjective that generally refers to something of considerable size, extent, or quantity.
Wordle #944 For January 19, 2024
“THING“
A broad and versatile term that is used to refer to an object, concept, or entity.
Wordle #943 For January 18, 2024
“STOLE“
A verb that means to take someone else’s property without permission or unlawfully. Past tense.
Wordle #942 For January 17, 2024
“COURT“
A governmental body or institution with the authority to adjudicate legal disputes, administer justice, and apply the law.
Wordle #941 For January 16, 2024
“BLOND“
An adjective used to describe someone with fair or light-colored hair, often with a shade ranging from light yellow to golden.
Wordle #940 For January 15, 2024
“LUNCH“
A noun that refers to a midday meal, typically eaten around noon.
Wordle #939 For January 14, 2024
“DOING“
A verb that indicates the act of performing or executing an action or task; present participle form.
Wordle #938 For January 13, 2024
“HEARD“
A verb that indicates that a person perceived or became aware of sound through their ears; past tense.
Wordle #937 For January 12, 2024
“ROUTE“
A noun that refers to a path or course taken to reach a particular destination.
A verb that means to send or direct something along a particular path or course.
Wordle #936 For January 11, 2024
“BRIEF“
An adjective that means lasting for a short duration, being concise, or not taking a long time.
A noun that means a concise written or oral statement that summarizes the main points or arguments of a case, document, or presentation.
Wordle #935 For January 10, 2024
“THREW“
The action of propelling something through the air with force, usually by hand; past tense.
Wordle #934 For January 9, 2024
“LINER“
A cosmetic applied around the eyes to enhance their appearance.
Wordle #933 For January 8, 2024
“FINAL“
An adjective that refers to the last, concluding, or ultimate stage of a process, event, or sequence.
Wordle #932 For January 7, 2024
“STONY“
An adjective that describes something that is hard, firm, or has the appearance or qualities of stone.
Wordle #931 For January 6, 2024
“CABLE“
A thick insulated wire, often consisting of multiple conductors, used for transmitting electrical power or signals.
Wordle #930 For January 5, 2024
“LUNGE“
A sudden forward movement used for attack or strategic positioning.
Wordle #929 For January 4, 2024
“SCANT“
An adjective that describes something that is limited, insufficient, or barely enough in quantity, degree, or extent.
Wordle #928 For January 3, 2024
“TWIRL“
The action of rotating or spinning something around its axis or in a circular motion.
Wordle #927 For January 2, 2024
“AGING“
The process of getting older, typically associated with the passage of time.
Wordle #926 For January 1, 2024
“MURAL“
A large-scale artwork or painting that is created directly on a wall, ceiling, or other permanent surface.
Wordle #925 For December 31, 2023
“SALTY“
A taste sensation associated with the presence of salt.
In the game’s eighth season, Overwatch 2added a new tank hero, Mauga, to its lineup. Now, in season 9, the character is available to unlock for all players. Before, the character had to be unlocked by grinding the game’s battle pass or with the purchase of Overwatch Coins. Now, however, the character is able to be unlocked through a much easier method. Here’s how to unlock Mauga, the new tank in Overwatch 2.
How to Unlock Mauga in Overwatch 2: Hero Challenges
Wins for Mauga: Complete 50 games queued as All Roles or Tank in Quick Play, Competitive Play, or No Limits. Wins grant double progress.
Practice Cardiac Overdrive: Heal 75 damage to you or your allies during Cardiac Overdrive in the Practice Range.
Practice Volatile Chaingun: Deal 100 critical (headshot) damage to ignited bots using Volatile Chaingun in the Practice Range.
Practice Berserker: Gain 150 temporary health from Berserker by dealing critical (headshot) damage in the Practice Range.
Practice Incendiary Chaingun: Ignite 2 bots with Incendiary Chaingun in the Practice Range.
Practice Cage Fight: Trap 2 bots in Cage Fight in the Practice Range.
Practice Overrun: Knockdown a bot by landing directly on them with Overrun in the Practice Range.
The “Practice X” challenges are incredibly quick and self-explanatory to complete, but you’ll have to invest a few play sessions to complete the “Wins for Mauga” challenge. Keep in mind that even if you aren’t a big tank player, you can try the flexible “All Roles” queue to keep things varied and fresh.
Before taking on these challenges, however, navigate to the main menu and select “Challenges.” Navigate to the “Hero” tab and select Mauga. Once on this screen, press the button to activate challenges. Be sure to do this before completing the challenges, or your progress won’t be tracked.
Alternatively, you can also buy Mauga or his starter pack in the shop. Considering how easy the challenges are, though, we would highly recommend simply completing those instead.
That’s all you need to know about how to unlock Mauga in Overwatch 2! Season 9 changes quite a lot in Overwatch 2, so it’s a good time to jump back in if you’ve been on the sidelines for a while. If you haven’t played lately, you can check out our guide on how to unlock Ramattra, another tank introduced in OW2.
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Negotiations around Cody Rhodes’ apparent return to the top of this year’s WrestleMania card turned hostile today, when would-be main-event hijacker Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson threatened to re-take the main event and future Manias for each day that a sequel to 2021 box office disappointment Jungle Cruise has not entered pre-production, reports confirmed.
“I’ll do it! I swear to Black Adam I will!” a manic Johnson shouted through a megaphone from the roof of Lincoln Financial Field. “If Jungle Cruise 2 hasn’t been announced for a tentative summer 2026 release within 24 hours, then this year’s WrestleMania ends with The Rock pinning Roman Reigns with the People’s Elbow to become WWE Universal Champion. We’ll have another press conference and I’ll figure it out. And for every extra day it takes for this highly anticipated sequel to be confirmed, that’s one more year of The Rock successfully defending that belt exclusively in the main event of WrestleMania.”
Reports from the scene confirm that the would-be hijacker had already attempted to kill one year’s worth of WWE storytelling before a rather impressive heel turn, and his threats are being taken very seriously. Those threats are quite simply to put a stranglehold on the WWE until a follow-up to the 62% Rotten Tomatoes scored Johnson vehicle is made official.
Sources close to Johnson say “Cody Crybabies” was just the beginning and that he would take no prisoners on the mic if he didn’t get his way.
“Emily Blunt better be attached to return too, or so help me god Cody Rhodes is going to come out and raise my hand after I win that title,” Johnson said. “You think I’m playing around? Ask CM Punk what happened in 2012 and 2013 when nobody would make that Hercules movie I wanted. Don’t test me.”
When reached for comment, authorities said it was looking less and less likely that the situation could be resolved without the tragic death of several younger WWE wrestlers’ pushes.
“We got him to temporarily agree to giving up the main event but now he’s insisting that Jungle Cruise 2 get a $300 million budget and be shot in 3D. The first one didn’t even make $300 million total,” the negotiator said, sweating nervously. “If we can’t calm him down soon with another terrible guest verse on a rap song, then Gunther and Sami Zayn might never be world champions. But we’ll do everything in our power to prevent that from happening… or not happening, I guess.”
At press time, WWE officials were praying that Johnson’s main event siege would continue to make headlines until all current lawsuits for sexual assault and human trafficking were settled.
CAIRO – A thorough analysis of the past and present state of the Yu-Gi-Oh meta this weekend revealed the game’s legendary Egyptian God cards were noticeably absent from the competitive scene, an omission that could be chalked up to them probably being too powerful, assumed the Egyptian Gods.
“I have known power, and with time I shall know it again,” said Obelisk the Tormentor, voice booming with arcane thunder and wings beating the air into a furious maelstrom of a thousand last breaths. “When it comes to the world’s third most popular children’s card game, only the cruelest, mightiest monsters can prevail. Divine Arsenal AA-ZEUS. Accesscode Talker. That chick on the horse. All find their seats of power in the nightmare cathedrals and entombed cities whence I dwell, and when they fall, as all do, under the ranks of newer power crept legions, I shall welcome them into the embrace of my lamenting grasp.”
“I mourn only that my strength is bottomless,” continued the Tormentor, “and I shall not see the hallowed fields of battle as I did in Ancient Egypt. Duelists simply cannot fathom a monster like Obelisk: a three-tribute, 4000 ATK beater that offs itself if special summoned and can’t attack the same turn it uses its effect. With such power, I outmatch even the legendary Blue-Eyes White Dragon— for whom I would presumably never be sacrificed.”
Not every Egyptian God shared Obelisk’s confidence, however, with others expressing doubt over how well their divine status has been translated from ancient legend.
“Look, it’s a tough scene out there,” said Slifer the Sky Dragon, who admitted he occasionally inhales the exhaust fumes of commercial jets just to feel something. “Lots of monsters are vying for meta status. They come out on the field looking all smug with their quick effects and negates and legs cropped out of their art. Meanwhile when I hit the field, I don’t know man, it doesn’t feel like the dawn of true power. It feels like I’m gonna get popped by something with three hyphens in its name and its level on the wrong side of the card. But there I go complaining about the state of the game again. Gods forbid a dragon has opinions.”
“Obelisk can talk, at least he has protection,” continued Slifer. “I have two mouths and don’t talk half as much shit. Yeah, Torm’s untargetable. Absolutely unheard of in my day, by the way. It’s still not enough. Duelists these days, they have answers to everything. Non-targeting removal. Traps that ‘bounce’ and ‘spin’, like my livelihood is a damn party. And for monsters unaffected by card effects, they have something called ‘turtle’. Game’s downright unplayable. Not that you need any of that for me, mind you, I’m usually swinging with 2000 ATK/DEF max. Is a legendary Egyptian God not even worth an Imperm?”
“It’s not all as bad as my colleague makes it sound,” added the Winged Dragon of Ra. “Slifer forgets, our original incarnations commanded such strength they had to be shackled under those words of power: ‘This card cannot be used in a Duel’. Perhaps it is better that these pale imitations, Gods in image only, are so stupid awful they need a full hand of support to be less useful than one Fallen Paradise is for Sacred Beasts and half as good as Ra – Sphere Mode in any deck.”
“I do feel for Obelisk though,” continued the Winged Dragon, who has not heard its ancient Hieratic chant read for many years and questioned whether it was indeed still visible under the light of Ra. “He forgets things more and more, it’s so sad. The other day he asked me when I thought we’d be play legal. Before that I saw him checking a 2014 ban list to see if we’d ‘been hit’. I didn’t have the heart to tell him you could run each of us at three. I still don’t.”
Though skeptical when questioned about the relevancy of the God cards in Yu-Gi-Oh’s future metas, players were quick to affirm their nostalgia for the iconic trio.
“I love the Egyptian God cards,” said pro-duelist Duncan Wheeler. “Their art is among the best and most evocative in the whole card pool, and just seeing those names makes me so sentimental. Especially up against the original red, yellow, and blue backs.”
“Put it this way. They’ll always belong in my heart,” offered Wheeler. “Just keep them the hell away from my deck.”
At press time, police had reportedly been called to conduct a wellness check on Slifer after he was recognized by a fan who mistook him for Uria, Lord of Searing Flames, not for the first time that week.
A BASEMENT — A local Dungeons & Dragons player reportedly has spent several hours isolated in their basement focused on picking out the correct dice to match their new character, which was made in 25 minutes as a joke.
“Look I understand some may say I’m overthinking this, but all I’m doing is making sure I can enjoy this game as much as possible,” said Timothy Gaines, longtime D&D player. ”Just because my character ‘Sbeve’ was largely made from hitting randomize on D&D Beyond doesn’t mean I shouldn’t put some thought into how I play him. Besides, I’ve spent so much money on dice it’d be wasteful to not spend so much time making sure it fits.”
While Gaines refused to disclose exactly how much they spent on dice, a local game store owner does recall them as a frequent customer.
“Typically they walk in here whenever they get some bonus, start a new game, or we get new dice in stock. I’m not sure how they always know about that last one but hey, so long as they keep spending their money here I’m not gonna question it,” said the owner of the store. “Besides, ain’t like I’m gonna throw them out. I got a kid going to college soon, and they are bankrolling that.”
Local game master Greg Greenwood noted this behavior was pretty typical not just for the player in question but for all at their table.
“I see it pretty much in all my players. Hardly any start a game with a dice combination that they’ve used before. Occasionally I get an oddball who has different dice for every session, but typically these hoarders aren’t too far gone and stick with one set a character,” Greenwood said. “I just wish some would put more thought into their characters rather than dice. I’m fine with simple, silly, goofy characters. However, when your party is all spell casters about as strong as a wet piece of paper, it makes combat a wee bit annoying for me to set up.”
At press time, Gaines was forced to create a new character after Sbeve died failing a constitution save while eating a piece of bread found on the ground.
Growing up, I learned about life from all viewpoints. My mom, a social activist, taught me the meaning of respect by getting into public screaming matches with strangers on other people’s behalf. My dad, a degenerate gamer, taught me patience by waiting for steam sales, then promptly blowing his entire paycheck on a bunch of indie garbage. My perspective is what some might call enlightened.
However, I was presented with a challenge recently — a true test of my morals. I went on Steam this morning and found out an indie developer who has posted some truly heinous things online is having a “75% off ALL games from this publisher” sale. It honestly seems like the proceeds may go to a militia or something but… what a great deal.
What if my perfect game is in there waiting for me to buy it and never even install it? My whole body is itching to dump my entire 401k into this and buy so many games I get carpal tunnel just trying to scroll through them all. Unfortunately, the more games I buy, the more flannel Kevlar vests I’m probably funding. Will I see them on the news one day? Does it matter if I get the right price?
What would my mom say? I think she’d say, “Buy blue no matter who” but Dad would say “A man must separate price from artist.” OK, so my mom and dad clearly aren’t on the same, but she has a point. I don’t think I can take advantage of this extremely rare, incredible, once in a lifetime opportunity of a sale… right?
But what if dad is right? It wouldn’t be honest of me to only consider one side, right? Right? Hm. I think my dad would say something like, “You never know if this sale could be your last sale. You can fight the the good fight another day, son. Bad guys will stick around, unfortunately. But you know what won’t stick around? Chode Simulator and all its DLC (downloadable chode) packs for twenty five cents on the dollar.”
Update: OK, so I won’t tell you what I decided to do because I’m entitled to my privacy, but if you want to watch me play Chode Simulator I’ll be live streaming tonight at 7 P.M. ET.
