NEW YORK, NY – Bystanders say they were very upset after seeing police officer Bruce Johnson play Duck Hunt and repeatedly shoot the dog.
“He’s not even aiming for the ducks,” complained one exasperated onlooker. “You get three shots per round and he used every one on that dog.”
Friends and colleagues say Johnson spends almost all his free time playing the game. When asked for comment, the veteran police officer simply shrugged. “Everybody needs a hobby,” he smiled. “Mine is shooting that dog.”
Unfortunately, not all the people in his life are so nonchalant. One person directly affected by the situation is Officer Johnson’s wife, Priscilla.
“Monday night, he’s shooting the dog. Tuesday night, he’s shooting the dog. Wednesday night, he’s shooting the dog. Thursday? Maybe he’ll take a break, put on GTA, murder a few prostitutes, then it’s right back to shooting that dog,” she complained. “Honesty, this is why I’m thinking about having an affair.”
But Johnson’s wife is not alone in her suffering. Reportedly, this behavior is quite common in the law enforcement community – and Nintendo’s aware of it.
“We believe 27% of the Duck Hunt games sold were purchased by police officers who wanted to shoot the dog,” explained Nintendo’s Shigeru Miyamoto. “We aren’t exactly sure why this is, but I have a theory. If you look carefully, you’ll notice the dog frequently laughs at the player. And the two things the police hate most are dogs and being laughed at.”
At press time Johnson was loading up another game after scoring negative 500 points last round.
