GENT, BELGIUM – Larian Studios announced today that a new 50GB patch is available for their smash hit Baldur’s Gate 3 — adding only a single feature, but one that players have reportedly been begging for: an extremely detailed dick vein.
“Today’s update is absolutely huge, and we can’t wait to get it into the hands of our players,” a representative for Larian said. “Our amazing team of designers has spent the last 6 weeks intensely studying scientific diagrams, real male models, and King Size Snickers bars. We’re excited to announce that today’s new release contains the most detailed dick vein in any RPG, ever.”
The rep continued, “This thing is stunning: big, blue and perfectly shaded for viewing from every angle. We’re talking 50 full GB of gorgeous lifelike detail, down to the last centimeter. It’s ready for every closeup and cutscene, with no clipping at all.”
The patch notes for the massive update were surprisingly succinct.
“Added an incredibly detailed dick vein for Penises B, D, and E. No additional crash fixes or dialogue updates at this time, as the update would have been too big for release and players definitely would have had to delete the game and redownload it, instead of just maybe having to do that if they didn’t have enough free space.”
Players were thrilled to get started playing with the new addition.
“I’m so glad they’re finally getting this added, even though I had to delete the game and wipe my entire hard drive for enough space to download it,” said Skyler Eckert, an avid fan of Baldur’s Gate 3. “I’ve been sending bug reports three times a day for the last two months! The game was practically unplayable without it. How am I supposed to feel fully immersed in my sex scenes with Minthara when my Tav’s dick is as shiny and smooth as some baby’s ass?”
At press time, Eckert was seen parading his character around camp in the nude.
