KYOTO, Japan — Following mass excitement for the new Zelda game, Nintendo announced today that it has completely sold out of both physical and digital copies of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.
“Thank you so much to everyone who purchased the game so far! We are working around the clock to upload more copies of the game onto the Nintendo store. Should just take a few more days now,” said President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. “We know everyone wants to get into the magical world of Hyrule and take down the evil Ganondorf, but unfortunately, these files take time to upload to the internet and make available in the store. Honestly, we simply didn’t think the game would be so popular! We figured the few thousand files we had available would be enough to last a lifetime. Thank you so much for your patience, it means a lot to us.”
Many gamers hoping to enjoy the game on release day were left sorely disappointed.
“Man, I took off work and everything,” said Alan Hodges, a local gamer and self professed Zelda superfan. “I even decided to go digital to make it more convenient and spare myself the misery of going into a GameStop in 2023, but now they’re saying they’re sold out of online copies? How does that even work? Worst part is, I don’t even get to put the cartridge in my mouth!”
Others, however, praised the company.
“Another win for Nintendo!” said Twitter user @iwanttofuckdaisy92. “It is so incredibly smart for Nintendo to create demand by lowering the supply of the game — that’s called Economics 101 and I’ve watched the first half of several YouTube video essays about it. Nintendo is so smart and literally has never made any mistake. If I find out any one of you freaks torrented the game, I will come to your house and shoot you. Sorry fanboys!”
As of press time, Nintendo announced that the next wave of digital copies of Tears of the Kingdom would retail for $85, due to high demand. They’ve also sued Alan Hodges for slander.
