NEW YORK — A surprise update to 2018’s Red Dead Redemption 2 will add 4K textures to characters as well as make the room the game is being played in stink of horse excrement, sources have confirmed.
“We’ve finally done it,” said Rob Nelson, one of the critically acclaimed game’s producers. “We’ve fully realized our vision of America’s grimey past, to the extent that your roommates are gonna wonder what stinks in your bedroom when you play it. Red Dead 2 is now the first game that you can immerse all of your senses in, between the gorgeous graphics and sound, the HD rumble on your controller, and now the way your computer will stink like shit. All you need is a glass of strong whiskey to sip on to complete the experience.”
“Or mud would work if you don’t have any whiskey,” he added. “You could put some mud in your mouth.”
Fans were skeptical about the necessity of the open world game’s most realistic update yet.
“I’ve been playing Red Dead Redemption 2 for years,” said Andy Stewart, a local gamer. “It’s one of the best video games of all time, I really believe that. And frankly, it’s perfect to me. I don’t need any updates. I can’t really tell the difference between the 4K textures or whatever it’s supposed to be. And I don’t really love that my Steam Deck smells like an outhouse when I play the game now. I didn’t need for it to do all of that.”
As of press time, Rockstar confirmed that the labor required of the shit-smelling update would cause an indefinite delay of Grand Theft Auto 6.
