LOS ANGELES — Many YouTubers are letting fans in on the secrets of how to time their orgasms while taking video thumbnail photos to capture that wide-mouthed, ecstatic look of sexual ecstasy.
“Orgasming right when the shutter goes off actually takes months and months of practice,” admitted sunken-eyed PC tech reviewer Trevor Reynolds, of the TrevRev channel. “You’re not going to succeed on the first attempt, so take 45 minutes and walk that refractory period off. Come back to the studio with a new determination and give it another go. Sometimes it takes me days to get that perfect thumbnail.”
While most YouTubers opt for manual timing methods, some have attempted to incorporate technology to help assist in capturing their moment of nut for optimal audience engagement.
“We actually experimented with a mechanism where my ejaculation would trigger a button which would snap the photo, but I just couldn’t get the accuracy needed,” said Ian Johannsen, whose channel combines toy unboxing videos with retro horror movie analysis. “It didn’t work out in the end, but my team is researching alternatives. Honestly, I couldn’t do anything without my staff. They will patiently wait while I crank and crank and crank away, and we have such a close relationship that they know exactly what sounds I make before I cum. I owe it all to them.”
Psychologists confirmed O-face thumbnails are an effective way to influence users to click.
“Unfortunately, yes, the data shows that orgasm faces tend to attract more viewers, for some upsetting reason,” stated Donna Williamson, professor of psychology at U.C. Berkeley. “But I caution creators not to overdo it—orgasm faces are incredibly obnoxious and off-putting, especially to potential viewers who already jacked off today. Use this trick sparingly, or you may suffer eternal damnation in Hell.”
In related news, General Mills has reportedly been seeking artists from DeviantArt to redesign their cereal mascots to attract more buyers at the grocery store.
Want to learn about interesting things, but mostly hear comedians goofing on them? Check out our podcast Deep Dive in the Shallow End!
