ST. LOUIS — Popular streamer TENSionHAWK has moved forward with a bold new business strategy, creating a new donation tier to pronounce patron names correctly during on-stream shoutouts.
“When I sat down and looked at the numbers, it was an obvious move,” said TENSionHAWK. “Lots of my most dedicated fans have very complicated names. I needed a way to see which ones are worth learning how to pronounce correctly, and which ones I can butcher without any real consequences. So I’m having them pay.”
The streamer’s audience has met the news with a general positive attitude, with many indicating that most people in their lives don’t even make direct eye contact with them, so paying money to hear their name spoken by another human being was more than worth it.
“I think the new subscription tier is great!” raved fan and patron Sindheep Chahar. “I give about 10% of my paycheck to ‘Hawk and it used to sting when they pronounced my name as ‘Sing – Hoop’. They still don’t pronounce my name right, but it’s a little closer now.”
When asked why they never took the time to learn patron names in the first place, TENSionHAWK explained the exhausting legwork that goes into learning how to pronounce a new name.
“Listen, I didn’t get sponsored by RC Cola for my name pronunciation, I got sponsored for my gaming. Do you want me to stay up all night memorizing how to pronounce ‘J-E-F-F?’ Cause that’s what it would take for me to get it right every time, and that’s already my CS:GO practice time. It’s either gaming or naming, and unless I’m getting paid explicitly to do it, it’s gaming every time.”
In response to all the support from their community, TENSionHAWK announced they were expanding on the positive energy by creating yet another new tier to identify patrons by their correct gender identity.