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343 Releases Video of Halo Players Calling People Gay on Voice Chat in Honor of Pride Month

REDMOND, Wash. — 343 has released a heartwarming video to social media in honor of LGBTQ+ pride showcasing thousands audio clips from Halo fans calling their opponents gay.

“You’re such a fucking homo, you can’t aim for shit, fucking get at me 1v1 customs, bitch,” begins one audio clip, superimposed over an image of a rainbow Master Chief, before transitioning into another. “You are a fucking gay hacker.”

Microsoft executives were quick to praise the video for furthering the LGBTQ+ movement and making substantive change.

“We’re really proud of what the 343 team has put out in honor of Pride Month,” said Phil Spencer. “But we’re not just all talk here. We also made sure to make a hefty donation to the executive who came up with the idea and told subordinates to put together the video.”

“I think that it just goes to show how positive a force our fans are,” Spencer added. “They even included some words and phrases that I hadn’t even heard of before! It’s really incredible. I’m no expert in these things, but I think the LGBTQ+ community could perhaps add a letter for people who have sex with other people’s mothers.”

Despite positive intentions, many fans were upset about the video.

“This is such bullshit!!!!! I can no longer support Halo now that they have become political!!!” said xXsnIp3rboI03Xx in a comment on Instagram. “I cannot believe that 343 would TWIST my WORDS like this!!!!!!!

At press time, 343 released a statement to clear up confusion that, despite the image of a rainbow Master Chief, John 117 is still canonically heterosexual and in love with his AI Cortana. “Anything you see online with the Chief and Arbiter is strictly fan art,” the statement said.

Want to learn about interesting things, but mostly hear comedians goofing on them? Check out our podcast Deep Dive in the Shallow End!

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