Jacob Colliver, Author at Hard Drive

Tragic: Man Reading Wikipedia Article on Movie He’s Watching Got One Sentence Too Far Ahead

November 10, 2023

CHICAGO — A man reading the Wikipedia summary to a film literally unfolding before his eyes experienced the horror of…

Dangling 3-Way RCA Splitter Probably Fine if You Don’t Touch It

November 10, 2023

CLEVELAND — A precariously-dangling RCA splitter has somehow stood the test of time and will probably continue to do so,…

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Live-Action ‘Akira’ Movie Dismissed As Old Tale Told To Scare Misbehaving Children

November 9, 2023

HOLLYWOOD – Decades-old rumors of a potential live-action Akira remake have once again been dismissed as a frightening myth told…

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Wizard Burns the Fuck Out of Hand Shooting Fireball

July 3, 2023

SMORGBOTH’S CASTLE — Cassium, a local Wizard casting Fireball for the first time earlier today was surprised to learn that…

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Sexual Tension Between Claw Machine and Minecraft Plushie Almost Unbearable

April 21, 2023

WICHITA, Kan. — Patrons of a local arcade bar have noted the erotic intensity between a claw machine and the…

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Entire Digimon Universe Disappears After Lapsed Domain Payment

January 5, 2023

SILICON VALLEY, Cali. — The Digital World and its lovable, all-powerful inhabitants ceased to exist early this morning due to…

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Vintage Xbox Magazine Rendered Unusable by 796 MB Update

August 9, 2022

REDMOND, Wash. — Due to a miscalculation in the otherwise seamless rollout of Microsoft’s industry-leading backwards compatibility and cross-platform game…

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Aging Gamer Doesn’t Realize Clicking Thumbsticks Are Actually Just His Thumbs

July 28, 2022

CLEVELAND — A forum poster seeking solutions for his new controller’s loudly-clicking thumbsticks is blissfully unaware that the sound he’s…

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New ‘Magic the Gathering’ Red Card Lets You Just Punch Your Opponent

July 28, 2022

RENTON, Wash. — The latest expansion to Magic: The Gathering has come under fire for including a red card that…

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35-Year-Old’s Skill Tree All Fucked Up

July 5, 2022

MILWAUKEE — Local man Chris Darin confirmed his skill tree was “all fucked up” after spending 35 years worth of…

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