March 24, 2022 Ten Pushups Successfully Offsets Seven Hours on Couch Ten Pushups Successfully Offsets Seven Hours on Couch MADISON, Wisc. — All consequences of a sedentary lifestyle can be averted with several half-hearted pushups, a local man reported yesterday. “It was Sunday, and…
March 2, 2022 Atari Sure Hoping No Big, Strong, Handsome Game Company Buys Them, Too Atari Sure Hoping No Big, Strong, Handsome Game Company Buys Them, Too SUNNYVALE, Calif. — Video game company Atari announced today that it will be rebuffing acquisition offers from any “tall, hunky” corporations for now, a deeply…
February 8, 2022 Weed Successfully Hidden in ‘Guitar Hero: Aerosmith’ Case for 13 Years Weed Successfully Hidden in ‘Guitar Hero: Aerosmith’ Case for 13 Years MESA, Ariz. — Hiding marijuana in a copy of Guitar Hero: Aerosmith has garnered absolutely no attention whatsoever, graphic designer Stuart Driscoll recently confirmed. “When…
January 8, 2022 Tranquil, Meditative Puzzle Game Being Real Piece of Shit Today Tranquil, Meditative Puzzle Game Being Real Piece of Shit Today CHICAGO — A series of slowly paced puzzle games have dangerously raised the blood pressure of local man Harry Foster, worried neighbors reported yesterday. “He…
November 27, 2021 San Diego Comic-Con Announces $20 Fountain Soda You Can Buy Online in Lieu of Convention San Diego Comic-Con Announces $20 Fountain Soda You Can Buy Online in Lieu of Convention SAN DIEGO — In a bid to retain engagement with their audience without an in-person event, San Diego Comic-Con has recently unveiled plans to sell…
August 28, 2021 Keeping DM’s Cat Off Table Is D&D Party’s Hardest Challenge of the Night Keeping DM’s Cat Off Table Is D&D Party’s Hardest Challenge of the Night LOS GATOS, Calif. — An adorable pet cat has consistently decimated any chance of progression in a year-long Dungeons & Dragons campaign, weary party members…
