LONDON — A local time traveler has transported himself back to 1949 to confirm with author George Orwell that his novel Nineteen Eighty-Four was written about people who moderate Facebook meme groups.
“I had to win this argument once and for all. I couldn’t just let myself get muted by the mods just because I posted a little bit of Sonic porn in our group,” said the time traveler. “So I started looking into quantum physics and engineering and all that shit and I went back and found that George Orwell fucker and figured out exactly what 1984 is about: it’s about these fucker mods who muted me. We literally live in 1984 — I was right!!!”
According to those familiar with the situation, Orwell, who was pulled into the present time with the time traveler after being interrogated about his novel, was mostly confused about the situation.
“Yeah, uh, this guy kidnapped me and said he wanted to take me to the setting from my book and I blacked out for a good few hours, but now I’m back and I’m mostly just really scared. Who are you?” Orwell explained. “Am I going to die? The guy said I was going to die soon. Who is Sonic? Am I to be murdered by a hedgehog?! Oh god, this world is much worse and scarier than my book!”
At press time, the time traveler sent Orwell back to his 1949, but with a copy of a manuscript written by the traveler titled Nineteen Eighty-Five, a sequel to Orwell’s novel, based on a Wikipedia description of the plot, but this time explicitly naming Facebook moderators as the villain.