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Tesla Employees Enjoy Moment of Peace While Elon Distracted With New Toy

AUSTIN, Texas — Exhausted workers at Tesla, Inc. have been enjoying some quiet time to themselves while their little rascal Elon Musk is busy playing with his new toy, Twitter.

“Don’t get me wrong, we love our baby boy more than anything in the world. He’s precocious, energetic, and some of the stuff he says is downright adorable,” said engineer Harriet Garland, who normally spends several hours a day occupying Musk so he doesn’t hurt himself on the machinery. “But it’s nice to have a chance to get some actual engineering done while he’s busy playing with that nifty Twitter thing. Look at him. He’s fascinated.”

Other employees are using the time to knock out some chores at the Tesla headquarters, including cleaning the break room.

“We can probably take this opportunity to throw a few of these out while he’s not looking,” said Tesla office manager Frank Jones, removing several of Musk’s crayon drawings of cars from the refrigerator. “Last time he caught us taking one of his ‘cool car ideas’ off the fridge, he threw a huge tantrum. I had to hold him for a few hours and tell him what a smart boy he was until he calmed down. He’s a handful, that’s for sure.” 

While everyone at the company is grateful to have him occupied, some feel it’s unsustainable to need a new toy every time Musk gets antsy.

“Honestly, we thought The Boring Company would keep him occupied for longer than it did,” said assembly line worker Teresa Landry. “We had visions of him digging holes to his heart’s content, but he was back in the office within a week, running around with a paper plate like a steering wheel and saying ‘zoom zoom.’ Kind of a waste, if you ask me.”

At press time, employees were passing around one of Musk’s recent Tweets, just to make sure he’s safe and having a good time.

“That’s our boy,” one of them said, tears forming in their eyes. “He looks so happy.”