When normal, well-socialized humans saw Mario transform into an elephant they probably chuckled. Some may say “awww,” finding the trunk-wielding Italian cute and cuddly. But I reacted with horror, for I know the internet.
I first learned of Elephant Mario while reading a Direct recap in bed (as a true gamer, I naturally do not wake up before 2 PM). Aghast, I open up Twitter and search “Elephant Mario,” and the first result was this choice image:
Here we have a portrait of Elephant Mario with visible nips and a belly so massive he cannot possibly fit through pipes anymore. I don’t believe anyone even drew this: Elephant Mario fetish art manifested from the collective consciousness the second Nintendo announced him.
Parents, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, let your children look up Elephant Mario. They will find their childhood hero Mario put in compromised positions, and you will need to explain things you barely even understand.
You see, Elephant Mario is a gateway. Sure, this art may not be immediately apparent as a sex thing to the unindoctrinated. But little Timmy just found a fetish account, and they’re two clicks away from a bulge the size of Thomas the Tank Engine.
It’s not just Twitter, either, take a gander at these Google results. At the end of the fourth row, we have a suspiciously tubby Elephant Mario. Where’s he coming from? Good ol’ Furaffinity.
What did you just do, Nintendo? I know your company is run by dinosaurs, but somebody along the grapevine MUST have realized that people will misuse the Elephant. Elephant Mario just opened the Mario Universe to the locusts, and they will not stop at Mario. Just like Bowsette inspired female renditions of everyone Mario-adjacent, Elephant Mario will inevitably lead the way to Elephant Peach, or Elephant Toad. Hell, you might even find an Elephant Bowsette.
Gird your loins and lock your doors, because Elephant Mario art is coming the artists are cumming. Just pray Nintendo doesn’t release Tentacle Mario next.
