Do you have a father you respect even though you’ve never made him smile? Despite everything you’ve done in your life is to impress this man, it’s never worked? Video game creator Keita Takahashi has perfectly gamified this experience into his lovable creation, Katamari Damacy.
In the game Katamari Damacy, you have a father who is the King of All Cosmos. Not unlike how your dad means the universe to you. The King of All Cosmos is an aloof drunk who destroys everything and expects you to fix things back the way they were. You must collect objects to impress him, not unlike trying to figure out the perfect gift for your dads birthday. With the objects you literally birth worlds, just like how your art does that metaphorically. The King of All Cosmos will look at your planet like your dad looking at your art and asking why you aren’t working for Disney yet.
When you want to impress your dad, nothing else matters. You will find yourself so focused with this drive that you won’t care about all the people you crush on the way to his approval. Sure, they’ll scream, but you won’t care. You’ll destroy the whole world if you have to. All that matters is showing your dad all you’ve accomplished just for him to go “Huh, looks like you’re done. Maybe go bigger next time?”
In the end, he might, MIGHT, show gratitude, but in a way where he doesn’t even bother to smile so you wonder if it’s sarcastic. Usually the most excitement you will get out of him is if he sees a dog. Much like how your dad mostly speaks in a series of grunts, The King of All Cosmos will speak to you in a series of record scratch noises.
Lets face it, impressing your dad is a Sisyphean struggle that is not good for your mental health. Its time to replace pushing that boulder with pushing a Katamari ball. Much like how it is safer to fight bad guys in video games as opposed to real life, the same goes with attempting to impress your stone faced dad. If you want to have daddy issues, why not be a man who looks as if Prince got his head stuck in a kaleidoscope tube?
To quote the game itself, “Oh how this blue planet spins so very peacefully, but how the sadness. It never seems to go away.”
Katamari Damacy might be for you if…
- Your dad has ever gifted you with a chef’s hat, a ducky, or anything else that shows he clearly doesn’t know you very well
- You’ve ever worked really hard on something and your dad throws it out the minute there’s no room for it
- You don’t care who gets caught in your ball of issues
- Your dad speaks in isms nobody understands
Katamari Damacy might not be for you if…
- Your dad shows unconditional love
- The occasional approval is too unrealistic
- You have a whole set of different issues with your cousins
- The bulge coming out of the King of All Cosmos’s yoga pants is too Freudian
Katamari Damacy REROLL, and enhanced remake, is available on Steam, Nintendo Switch, and Playstation 4.