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Marvel Confirms Chris Pratt Will Appear in Your Home

LOS ANGELES — Marvel Studios teased upcoming news for the next phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, with Kevin Feige officially confirming that Chris Pratt, the MCU’s Starlord, will in fact appear in your home.

“As we get closer and closer to the next phase of Marvel, I can finally tell everyone this,” Feige began in a press junket. “Chris Pratt has officially signed on to appear in your home. Fans were spreading rumors about his involvement in your childhood bedroom, and I’m glad I can put those rumors to rest. It’s tough managing the schedules of these huge stars, but between wrapping on Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 and meetings for upcoming Avengers, we’re pleased to say we found the time to squeeze a Starlord cameo into the palace where you falsely believe you are safe.”

Feige went on to explain why Chris was chosen for this lucrative new property

“We were so pleased with the character of Starlord and his growth, so it was a no-brainer to give him a solo project,” Feige said. “While we pitched him his own television show or spin-off movie, he came in with the fascinating idea of going to your apartment, forcing entry and waiting until you fall asleep and doing wacky Starlord things like rifling through your belongings and destroying all sentimental objects, or watching you sleep and seeing if he can score a sniff of you without you waking up.”

Pratt expressed his positive feelings about the upcoming Marvel endeavor.

“It’s so much fun, I’m so excited to be attached to this project,” a blank-faced Pratt told reporters. “I’m sorry, I’d love to tell you more, but your family is about to get home from work and school and I need to nestle into my hiding place before that happens.”

At press time, leakers noted that Dave Bautista was hinted to appear in the project when several people reporterted the wrestler appeared in their bed in the morning without warning.