There probably aren’t many things you remember from the 1995 animated Disney flick A Goofy Movie, but there’s one part you can still picture crystal-clear from this whimsical tale of father-son hijinks: the pizza scene.
You know what I’m talking about. The five-second clip where Max’s friend P.J. picks up a slice of za so deliciously ooey-gooey that the melty cheese drips down his gloved cartoon paw. I bet you can still visualize him grabbing that stringy goodness and plopping it right back on top of the pizza as he prepares to take a decadent bite.
You’re salivating at the very thought of it, aren’t you?
Tragically, you’ll never, ever taste this perfect pie.
But don’t let this undeniably depressing knowledge get you too down! Here are some ways to cope and take your mind off the imaginary manna that satiated that lucky supporting character (but never you):
Buy yourself a slice of your favorite pizza.
Obviously, if you can’t experience the ultimate animated indulgence for real, you should experience the next best thing. Buy a thin crust slice of pepperoni pizza from your favorite local joint, extra cheese, and dig in while it’s piping hot. If you film yourself doing it and then put a cartoon filter on, it’s like you’re almost tasting A Goofy Movie pizza! Almost.
Go on a silly whirlwind of an adventure with the father figure in your life.
While the unctuous pizza is 100% the most memorable part of the film, A Goofy Movie also had thematic elements and plot completely unrelated to cartoon mozzarella. For one, Max and his dad totally bonded as they road-tripped to Los Angeles (or wherever the hell they went). It seemed to have helped them forget about that scrumptious snack that you can’t seem to get out of your mind after 27+ years, so maybe it could help you, too?
You can’t.
Most likely, you will not be able to cope with the tragic knowledge that you’ll never taste the pizza from A Goofy Movie. That’s life, buddy. Sorry you had to find out here. There’s support groups you can join, therapy you can practice, and mind-altering drugs you can take, but nothing will ever quite feel as good as that pizza must taste. Your life will never quite be the same now that you’ve seen the cartoon. Whoops!
Rewatch the fateful pizza scene over and over and over.
If you’ve tried the three steps above and still can’t stop thinking about the void left in your soul by the nostalgic noms you’ll never taste, this one should do the trick. Basically, you just give in and watch the pizza scene on repeat for three days straight without sleeping. This will either 1) make that pizza and your mortal existence lose all meaning to you or 2) cause you to snap and end up in a facility that does not allow you access to A Goofy Movie. If you’re desperate, it might be worth a shot.
