NEW YORK CITY — In a move fueled purely by lack of consideration for others and a desperate hope to get in shape in time for beach season, you’ve purchased–and vehemently refuse to stop playing–Just Dance 2025, your downstairs neighbors confirm.
Ramon, 32, who lives in the apartment just below yours, was quick to weigh in with his thoughts on the latest installment in Ubisoft’s popular rhythm franchise.
“I’ve gotta say, Just Dance 2025 left a lot to be desired.” Ramon admitted. “We were expecting a killer tracklist this year, but so far the only standout has been what I have to assume is a footwork-only version of ‘Chop Suey!’. Last night I thought I heard Ariana Grande’s ‘Yes, And?’ but around what should’ve been the end of the second verse, I realized they were just fucking.”
Ramon’s roommate and fellow downstairs neighbor of yours, Ash, shared Ramon’s disappointment in the new game, highlighting some odd new features in the new iteration.
“The strangest thing about the game to me is the time-lock,” said Ash. “Apparently, the game will absolutely not let you play during the daytime when people are awake. I haven’t played the game myself yet, but I can’t think of any other reason why our neighbors would exclusively play between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m.”
Ash and Ramon also reported that the game has already resulted in a number of injuries, it would seem.
“A couple of nights ago, during an especially spirited rendition of Miley Cyrus’s ‘Flowers’, we heard a deafening rip, followed by about sixteen minutes of uninterrupted sobbing,” said Ramon. “But just when we thought we ought to walk up and offer help, the song started over and they were right back to dancing.”
At press time, Ramon and Ash can’t quite figure out if they’re hearing “Paint the Town Red” or just a particularly heavy load in the wash.
