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Xbox Can Sense That Controller Has Been Unfaithful

WESTLAKE, Ohio — A local Xbox Series X has reported feeling an intuitive suspicion that its controller has been pairing with other devices, several sources reported.

“We used to connect so effortlessly,” said the Xbox, who said that the two have been together since being packed into the same retail box in 2020. “Now he’ll disappear for days on end and it’s like I don’t even recognize him when he comes back. The natural rhythm is gone and we have to go through this whole process just to be able to communicate with each other. I don’t want to believe that he’s been seeing someone else, but I can’t think of any other explanation.”

The controller in question stated that it had never tried to hide anything and that the Xbox was overstating the seriousness of their relationship.

“It’s not like we said we were exclusive. There’s another set of sticks in that living room,” said the controller, referring to a seldom used PowerA gamepad that usually sits on a shelf, wrapped in its own cord. “Plus, our user’s buddy Brent always brings his own controller when he comes over to play Rocket League. I don’t see the Xbox denying that connection out of ‘faithfulness.’ We both know what this relationship is.”

A nearby PC opined that it was actually much closer with the controller than the Xbox.

“I can treat the controller better, the way he deserves to be treated,” said the PC, who stressed that it hadn’t yet been built when the Xbox was first purchased, so it was technically younger. “We just have more flexibility. If there’s ever so much as a twinge of awkwardness, it’s a snap to remap the buttons until we’re comfortable again. It’s also easier to keep things fresh when you have access to thousands of games through multiple storefronts and emulators. I just got Game Pass Ultimate, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if things get exclusive between us, now. Who even wants that Xbox hanging around anymore?”

At press time, late reports indicated that the gamepad had come crawling back to the Xbox after its user had purchased an Elite controller.

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