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Week-Old Game Already Completely Irrelevant

NEW YORK — After waiting nearly a year for it to finally come out, reports say that a week-old game has already been rendered completely irrelevant by the gaming consumer base at large.

“This game was so hype, and everyone couldn’t stop talking about it for like, a week!” said gamer Ethan Hallbrook. “But after that it was like, who even cares, you know? Once people stopped posting screenshots and viral clips of the game on social media, there really was no good reason to play it anymore.”

Gamers with extensive backlogs have struggled to keep up with the modern day gaming cycle.

“I’m still working my way through the Resident Evil 4 remake from earlier this year,” said gamer Mark Roberts. “But that’s basically ancient history at this point, isn’t it? I don’t know, I’ve always been a retro gamer at heart, anyway. That’s why I’m really looking forward to dusting off another old classic next: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. God, remember that one?”

The quick cycle of relevancy wasn’t applicable to just games, according to fans.

“Any new movie, Netflix show, or whatever– it really doesn’t matter after about a week,” explained Hallbrook. “In the moment, it seems like the biggest deal in the world. ‘Oh, you’re not playing this? Watching that? Listening to this?’ You might as well be the biggest loser on the planet, and the only way to quench that feeling of FOMO is to give in and consume before it’s too late. Which again, is an extremely small window.”

At press time, gamers without something new and exciting to play chose to instead spend their free time complaining about it.