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Tears of the Kingdom DLC to Include Jewish Temple

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today that an upcoming update to The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom will include a Jewish Temple.

“With Wind, Fire, Water, Lightning, and Spirit, we felt it was finally time to include a Jewish Temple,” said Tears of the Kingdom director Hidemaro Fujibayashi. “We’re very excited for fans to explore this region of the map, now home to the young Hylian adventurer Rifka, who acts as the Sage of Judaism. She has a really awesome power that Link can call upon called ‘shout’ that is inspired by both Skyrim and Susie from Curb Your Enthusiasm. I think fans are really going to have a good time exploring this whole new New York City style city in the kingdom of Hyrule!”

Longtime fans of the series had conflicting reactions to the news.

“I guess I was hoping for like a new biome or something. Instead we just got this weird town where we can’t use Zonai tech from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday,” said SidonLuvr99. “I guess Jews in Japan are as mythical a creature as dragons and rock people.”

“This is awesome!!!” said Zelduhhhh111. “I feel like a lot of people here are just complaining for the sake of complaining and basically will never be happy no matter what, and hopefully that’s just them getting into the Jewish spirit. Personally, I think this is a dope addition to the game. How can you have temples in your franchise for decades and never include a Jewish one? It’s gonna be so sick!!”

As of press time, Nintendo has neither confirmed nor denied the addition of any other type of religious temple for the upcoming DLC.