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Guy Who Doesn’t Have $70 Right Now Elated To Hear About Bad Reviews of Starfield

ARLINGTON, VA —  A local man without $70 felt happier than he has in years hearing that the recently-released full priced game Starfield is getting bad reviews.

Roderick Pierce, who just finished paying off his library fines, claims that all of the negative press for the Bethesda-developed game is making him exceedingly happy.

“I can’t remember the last time I felt this good,” said Pierce with a wide grin on his face. “It’s so relieving to find out that I don’t have to follow the latest trends just to keep up with the hobby I love. Instead I can sit back and read about how IGN said Todd Howard’s latest disappointment was ‘a bumpy ride’ there are ‘no actual maps’, and worst of all ‘you can’t go anywhere without fast-traveling’. That all sounds so miserable, and yet…” [Note: at this point Pierce couldn’t stop giggling.]

According to people who know Pierce, his uplifted mood has made him more fun to hang out with even if he keeps bringing up Starfield reviews.

“He’s been a lot easier to get along with recently,” confirmed Pierce’s friend Joe Parrish, “but I thought it was because he got that new dispensary job. We were hanging out last night after his shift and he got a notification on his phone. He takes a look and got this goofy look on his face. I ask him what’s going on, and he showed me a review from PC Gamer where they say they were left ‘feeling unimpressed’ with Starfield.

“Apparently he has a feed set up that just notifies him whenever something bad is said about that dumb game. It’s ridiculous; I don’t care what GameSkinny had to say about the outdated leveling system, even if you do. Sure it’s a little annoying, especially since some places say good things about the game, but I haven’t seen him this happy in a while so I’ll let him have his little selection bias.”

As of press time, Pierce was eagerly awaiting Starfield’s release on Game Pass to play it for free and complain about how bad the game is anyway.

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