PELICAN TOWN — A phenomenon seeing a rise in short-term, noncommittal relationships has hit Stardew Valley, and residents are left with mixed opinions and broken hearts, forlorn sources confirmed.
“Personally, I think they’re great,” JojaMart employee Shane expressed. “I think it’s unsustainable to limit yourself to just one person. Sometimes you want to hit the community center with one guy, then go to the movies with another. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that; it’s liberating in a sense. I like getting to experience new things with new people; it’s so interesting to see how everyone reacts to being given a rock!”
Other residents have expressed frustration and heartbreak at the situationships, deriding them as unsustainable and harmful to one’s self-worth.
“Shane said that?” Alex, bartender at the Stardrop Saloon, lamented in disbelief. “Well I’m happy he was able to move on that easily! Some of us are still picking up the pieces of our shattered heart, left only with the lingering memory of what once was. Desire is messy and chaotic, but loyalty should triumph over everything. We can’t just jump from one person to the next and expect that to fill some emotional void. Did the rocks he gave me mean NOTHING?”
This recent surge in ephemeral flings has already had effects on the residents of Pelican Town, with many seeking therapy to work through their feelings of having their relationships end before they have even been defined.
“People started getting into these short-term couplings and all of a sudden I’m busier than ever,” Penny—Pelican Town’s resident therapist—explained while trying to hide her glee. “So many of my clients have suffered from the sudden fallout of these so-called ‘situationships.’ These couples only talk to each other once a day, and show affection by giving each other two gifts a week… and they do this to everyone! I have yet to see a single client whose partner has reached out more than once. It’s sad to see, but I have to admit, my practice has never been better!”
At press time, Penny has been forced to fire a couples’ therapist from her practice as a result of nobody in town defining their relationship.
