EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. — Gamers across the world were surprised this week when holiday retailer Spirit Halloween took over the vacant space on the 3DS home screen formerly occupied by the eShop icon.
“I booted up my New 3DS XL and saw this weird icon where the eShop used to be,” said Jared Haney. “I was worried something was wrong with the system itself. Obviously, I hacked it a long time ago, and I thought Nintendo might have found some way of detecting jailbroken consoles. But after I gathered up the courage to tap the icon, it was just a weirdly empty, poorly-organized app full of overpriced Halloween costumes. Browsing it made me feel like I needed to take a shower.”
Lilian Daly, Spirit Halloween’s Director of Public Relations, explained that the company is no stranger to expansion.
“We’re always looking for affordable real estate,” said Daly, dressed in an inflatable T-Rex costume. “When we heard that this space was available, we moved on it right away. It’s even more attractive than an old CVS or Bon Ton. Millions of customers will now have the chance to visit our store without having to walk through a sketchy strip mall parking lot that feels like a graveyard for the victims of capitalism.”
Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa explained that the video game giant was happy to strengthen their relationship with the seasonal retailer.
“Nintendo is proud to have Spirit as our business partner,” said Furukawa. “For years, our fans have been able to find our licensed merchandise at their numerous, convenient retail locations. While we want to reaffirm that they should no longer play games on their old consoles, they are welcome and encouraged to purchase an official Bowser costume right on their 3DS. That’s right, King Bowser, as seen in the hit motion picture, The Super Mario Bros. Movie!”
At press time, Dollar Tree and Mattress Firm had reportedly entered into a bidding war over the vacant eShop space on the WiiU.