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Review Bombing? This Bad Game Is Getting Bad Reviews

Another shameful display by gamers today as they collectively review bombed Cat’s Cradle 3, a terrible game.

“I just don’t understand it,” said lead Cat’s Cradle 3 developer Tom Pontius. “All we want to do is develop and release underbaked and uninteresting games, and then gamers jump on us out of nowhere with negative reviews just because our game sucks. What gives these gamers the right to provide negative feedback if our product is incomplete? The worst part is our game isn’t woke at all, so we can’t even blame it on those types of gamers.”

Despite committing heinous crimes against game developers, one review bombing terrorist came out of the shadows to give their side of the story.

“I just don’t like the game,” explained insatiable gamer troglodyte Jenna Luzio. “I paid sixty bucks for this thing and it ends up running horribly on my PC. Then I have to walk everywhere because fast travel is only included as DLC. I don’t want to pay more money to play the game I already paid for! So I left a scathing review, hopefully no one else buys this game and makes the same mistake I did, [because I am part of an insidious conspiracy working against game companies to ruin their sales by review bombing].”

Review bombing is not a new thing, masses coming together to inappropriately slander a subpar piece of media has existed since time immemorial.

“Shakespeare once wrote an atrocious play,” explained historian of criticism Pat Quince. “Instead of doing the polite thing, and pretending it was great, the evil patrons of the Globe review bombed the play by telling their friends it was bad. Seeing this pattern continue over time and still be an institutional ill of our society is very distressing to me. It reminds me of how gamers in the 80s review bombed the ET video game and forced them to bury it in a landfill. I don’t see why consumers have to say when they don’t like a product, it’s frankly disrespectful and immature.”

At press time another innocent developer tragically fell prey to the review bombing gamer mob after releasing a AAA title with recycled assets and outdated gameplay.

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