GOLDENROD CITY — A local resident has been driven to near madness as she fruitlessly attempted to engage in a discussion about any topic other than Pokémon, sources confirmed before directing the conversation back towards Pokémon.
“For Arceus’ sake, can’t we talk about poetry, or politics, or even the goddamned weather?” said Lara Berry, as she walked a few feet inside her home before stopping to turn ninety degrees. “Everything is Pokémon! There’s a guy in this city whose job is rating the nicknames of Pokémon. You can’t get away from it! I went to the Game Corner to try to distract myself, but all the games were Pokémon-themed. I thought a nice workout might take my mind off of things, but the local gym is really just a place where people battle Pokémon. I tried to listen to some music to calm down, but the only device that gets the radio is called the Pokégear. Why does that need to be about Pokémon? Why can’t we call it a, I don’t know, ‘Zune’ or something? Okay, that’s a bad pitch, but it still doesn’t need to be about Pokémon.”
Some of Lara’s friends have grown frustrated with what they see as her attempts to dominate conversations.
“Lara is in my book club, but I don’t know how much longer we can tolerate it,” said Tammy Branch, a resident of nearby Azalea Town. “For the past eight months, she has relentlessly nominated books that the group has absolutely no interest in. Silly things with names like, ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ or, ‘The Catcher in the Rye.’ Then she gets all mad when we decide to read ‘Status Conditions and Catching Pokémon’ for the twelfth time instead of her bizarre suggestions. I mean, that’s real literature! She almost tricked us into reading something called, ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,’ but we realized just in time that there’s no Pokémon named ‘Cuckoo.’”
Lara’s boss expressed concern that her refusal to talk about Pokémon has started to affect her job performance.
“Lara does great work, but she can’t seem to get along with anyone these days,” said Bridgette Powers, chief of medicine at the Goldenrod City Pokémon Center. “She even begged me to implement a ‘No Pokémon Talk’ rule for our office last year. How did she expect that to work? Our work literally revolves around treating injured Pokémon. Besides, we tried that rule for the holiday party and it lasted all of five seconds before someone brought up their new Totodile, and it was the most dull five seconds of my life. We share this world with some of the most fascinating and wonderful creatures you could possibly imagine. Why would I ever want to discuss anything else?”
At press time, Lara was seen becoming briefly excited to discuss the concept of friendship with a stranger who had burst into her home before realizing that he was asking her to evaluate the bond he had with his Pokémon.
