Press "Enter" to skip to content

Phoenix Wright Ruins Another Wedding

LOS ANGELES — Veteran defense attorney Phoenix Wright has ruined yet another wedding by yelling “OBJECTION!” after the judge said to “speak now or forever hold your peace,” according to those familiar with the situation.

“It is so deeply annoying to watch Phoenix grill every bride and groom about their love lives while they’re standing on the altar. Why are people even inviting him anymore?! Does he sneak in?” said Wright’s rival, prosecutor Miles Edgeworth. “He is a terrific defense attorney, but I don’t think he realizes that he can turn it off. He doesn’t need to be defending those who have not asked for his defense — his friends currently in the middle of their own wedding. Look, I can’t say I’m too different, but everything with this guy is theatrical. In the courtroom and out.”

Despite complaints from friends and family, Wright has defended his decision to “get to the bottom” of every relationship.

“When you get married, you become a union in the eyes of the law. Well the law is where I come in,” Wright recently explained to a crowd of angry wedding guests. “It’s only natural for living creatures to fight to protect their own marriages. But what makes us human is that we fight for others. But who do you fight for? How hard must you fight…? That’s why I need to know exactly what you, Cheryl, meant in your texts to your friend Dan when you said ‘heyyyyyy’ with six ‘y’s.’ What are you hiding?”

At press time, those close to Wright revealed that Dahlia Hawthorne “cheated on him just a whole bunch back in the day.”

Like this article? Check out our merch store! 


Hello adventurer! Please collect five USD skins a month and head to our Patreon.
Become a patron at Patreon!