GUILDFORD, U.K. — Famed game director Peter Molyneux, completely unprompted, confirmed to members of the press that Milo, the artificial boy featured in an experimental Kinect demo from 2009, tragically passed away five years ago surrounded by loved ones.
“My beautiful boy has been gone for five years,” said Molyneux, fighting back tears. “All his polygons have stopped being rendered. All of his technologically groundbreaking thoughts and feelings are gone. I remember what it was like birthing him, the horrible pains it entailed trying to cram a real boy into a Kinect. The long nights spent miming a breastfeeding motion via the Kinect. All that work means nothing now, as he has withered away, trapped in that wondrous world I created for him. We should have never programmed him to have hunger.”
Microsoft employee Jessica Hardman details the traumatic experience of stumbling upon Milo’s remains.
“I was working late one night and decided to wander down into the basement,” Hardman began, “Hidden deep in the recesses of that basement I found a dusty Kinect set still hooked up. I turned on the TV and was met with the decomposing skeleton of Milo just sorta laying on the ground. It seemed like he had been there a while, the bones had been picked clean. Of course, we all grew apart from Milo after his game was cancelled all those years ago, but I guess we all kind of forgot that we needed to keep taking care of him just like a real boy. It was truly a sad day in the office when I relayed the news and everyone remembered he had been down in storage.”
Fans around the world offered their condolences in an outpouring of support.
“Goodbye, Milo. I’m sorry we never got to hang out and talk about what it was like to be 11 years old, or whatever Molyneux expected the end result of your weird project to be,” said one Twitter user. “I hope you get reincarnated as a bird in another Xbox game or however that works.”
After years of privately grieving, Molyneux has decided to look on the bright side of things. He says he’s launched a Kickstarter to bring Milo back to life as an HD remake to try to give him a second chance at happiness.
