KYOTO — Many video game fans have been wondering about the latest news on Metroid Prime 4, a game first announced in 2017, to which executives at Nintendo have responded “na-na-na, na-na, I can’t hear you,” according to frustrated sources.
“NA-NA-NA-NA I CAN’T HEAR YOU,” shouted Doug Bowser during a press junket, twirling his index fingers around in his ears. “Perhaps you would be interested in one of our other recently announced titles such as Fire Emblem Engage, Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, or Harvest Mo- I mean, Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life. Unless we decide not to think about those either at some point. In which case: NA-NA-NA-NA-NA. I’M PLAYING A GAME CALLED ONLY I CHOOSE WHAT TO TALK ABOUT, YOU LOSE!”
Members of Retro Studios, the Texas-based video game developer who co-developed Metroid Prime and Donkey Kong Country Returns, appeared confused and disturbed by the controversy.
“Several higher-ups from Nintendo of Japan have been in and out of our office on a regular basis,” stated Michael Kelbaugh, president and CEO of Retro Studios. “Initially, the fourth game was set to be developed in-house over at Nintendo. But one day we got a call from Mr. Miyamoto, who said something along the lines of ‘please take this burden away from us. The amount of despair it has brought us and our families can no longer be tolerated.’ And he just hung up. I mean it’s not like we’re constantly busy with multiple projects, so we said sure, we’ll re-do your entire game for you.”
Luckily, one person from Nintendo was able to shed a little more light on the situation.
“The number 4 can be read the same as the word for ‘death’ in Japanese. Superstitions play a large role in Japanese culture, and that includes business and development,” said Yoshiaki Koizumi, head of Nintendo’s entertainment and planning division. “We tried our best, we really did. We know that a lot of people have been looking forward to this release for some time, but please understand the game is haunted. That is all I can say at this time. My fingers are in my ears. I cannot hear you. Na-na-na-na. Thank you for understanding.”
At press time, an indie developer was trying to put his fingers in his ears and say “na-na-na I can’t hear you,” after receiving a cease and desist for his game Pokémon Sex Island, to no avail.
