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New Mom-Conducted Study Reveals Child Must Not Be Very Sick If They Can Play Nintendo

ROCHESTER, Minn. — In a collaborative new study held by the Mothers And Doctors Association, it was revealed that if a child starts playing video games after expressing symptoms of illness, then they are now completely healthy and able to return to school.

“My son Thomas was out sick from school for two days– runny nose, headache, high fever, the works,” explained Hannah Seith, mother. “But when I went into his room to check on him this morning, he was up and playing Nintendo, so we drove him right back to school immediately.”

Doctor Stephen Hanson, co-head of the Mothers And Doctors Association, elaborated on the efficacy of the study.

“‘Nintendo’ is catch-all term, really,” explained Doctor Hanson. “Any parent can choose to apply it when referring to Sega, PlayStation, Xbox, what have you. We conducted numerous double-blind tests of children exhibiting the same symptoms of illness, and left some in a room with a game console, and some without. If a child was drawn to the system and picked up a controller, we were able to conclude that they must not be sick anymore.”

We reached out to Thomas Seith, one of the children in the study, for comment.

“I really don’t feel very good, I don’t think I can do my math today…” explained Thomas. “I couldn’t sleep, so I tried to play Mario for a little bit. But my mom came in the room, and told me I had to go back to school. I hope I don’t get my friends sick…”

At press time, the Mothers And Doctors Association was hopeful that video games could one day reduce illness in children worldwide.