CHICAGO – Noland Arbaugh, the first human recipient of a Neuralink brain implant, has gained the ability to communicate telepathically and his friends confirmed he’s using his new found gift to force them into multiplayer matches of Sid Meier’s Civilization 6.
Chris Higgins, a longtime friend of Arbaugh’s and an avid gamer, confirmed the telepathic harassment in a recent interview.
“It was weird at first, but Noland would only reach out once a week to play. I jumped in of course because who could pass up some good Civ 6,” Higgins said as he straightened the tin foil on his head. “But then Noland went overboard. ‘Come play Civ 6’ rang through my head morning, day, and night. I would be playing Helldivers with some other friends and Civ 6 would just creep into my brain out of nowhere.”
Another member of the friend group, Glenn Zimmerman, corroborated Higgins allegations against Arbaugh in a gut-wrenching interview.
“Please make it stop, Noland. I don’t want to play Civ 6 anymore.” Zimmerman said in tears to anyone within earshot. “I’d be happy to play other games with you. How about chess? Helldivers? Please, I’ll even suck it up and play AoE2, please just no more Civ 6. I am just a mortal man. I can only take so much punishment.”
Arbaugh, denying the allegations, creeped into my thoughts to share his side of the story.
“What you have to understand is that I’m not forcing these guys to do anything. They want to play Civ 6 with me” Arbaughs voice rang through my head. “ I only entered their minds because they don’t return my text and have all set their Discord status to Do Not Disturb. And to be honest, we don’t have to play Civ 6. I would be happy to play any other games they want to play, but all they want to play now is Civ 6. I can’t blame them though, it is my favorite game.”
At press time my urge to play Sid Meier’s Civilization 6 had driven me to purchase the game on steam.
