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Millions of Games May Go Unbeaten After Nation’s Older Brothers Vote to Authorize Strike

LOS ANGELES — Contract negotiations between older and younger siblings reached a fever pitch after the League of Fraternal Elders voted to authorize a strike, threatening the completion of video games across the country.

“Our demands are reasonable,” said Zack Taylor, a 14-year-old LOFE representative. “We just want our contributions to be acknowledged. For decades, younger brothers have been taking undue credit for their gaming performances. Even back in the arcade era, an older sibling might sub in to ace a Galaga challenging stage, but he couldn’t expect to see his initials on the high score table. We also want to protect our livelihood by receiving a guarantee that our valuable services will not be replaced by AI tools. This is about ensuring our future. No one is going to pinch this LOFE.”

Zack’s mother saw the situation from a different perspective.

“I just think Zack and the boys are getting a little greedy,” said Susan Taylor, mother to Zack and his younger brother Thomas. “I don’t want to discourage him from taking initiative, but they’ve already got a pretty good deal. Sure, they don’t get official credit for beating a game, but all of Tommy’s friends know that he didn’t beat Thunderblight Ganon by himself. I mean, I had trouble with that boss fight, and I’ve been playing the series for thirty years. Plus, Tommy has never ratted on Zack for those magazines he hides in the cabinet of their shared bathroom. I think that’s enough compensation.”

Industry insiders have been anxious to see the situation resolved.

“I think we’re at a very precarious moment,” said an anonymous executive at a prominent game developer. “When the Nintendo Hotline went down, we got by because we had GameFAQS. No one is writing those guides any more. Have you tried googling the solution to a specific puzzle or boss fight in a game these days? It’s all junk! Half of it is written by AI, and the other half is stolen from the AI sites. If the big brothers strike, this market could collapse.”

At press time, negotiations had broken down after a dispute over whether or not Minecraft was “for babies.”