Everybody knows that comic books are only popular because they have so much dialogue. It’s the one thing that separates them from all other storytelling mediums. When I started pitching comics to Marvel back in 1999, my opening was always “Take a Buffy the Vampire Slayer script, and for every line of dialogue, write thirteen more lines.”
As someone who’s played lots of Zork, I can safely say that games similarly live and die on words-per-minute. And so, I was not impressed with Marvel Rivals. Every conversation is three or four lines, tops! What a crock of shit!
Look, K-Town understood me when I explained this to him. When he first brought me in to consult on the MCU, I told him, “Make sure these characters never shut the fuck up.” He got it. These clowns in the gaming industry don’t.
Okay, let’s do a little Master Class on dialogue. We’ll take a conversation from Rivals and punch it up. Take this exchange between Hulk and Jeff the Land Shark.
Hulk: What is shark thing with feet?
Jeff: MRAAAAA!
Hulk: Ha! Hulk like shark thing!
Lame! Now, here’s a punched up version:
Hulk: What is, um…you know?
Jeff: What?
Hulk: What is shark thing?
Jeff: What is shark thing?
Hulk: Yeah, what is shark thing?
Jeff: Shark thing with what?
Hulk: With what?
Jeff: Yeah, shark thing with what? There’s more than one shark thing.
Hulk: More than one?
Jeff: Yeah, more than one.
Hulk: Okay, what is shark thing with feet?
Jeff: What is shark thing with feet?
Hulk: Um, yeah.
Jeff: I’m the shark thing with feet. Do you mean me?
Hulk: Yeah.
Jeff: So you mean, what am I?
Hulk: I guess.
Jeff: You could have just asked what I am.
Hulk: Sorry.
Jeff: Well?
Hulk: Well, what?
Jeff: Well, what am I?
Hulk: I don’t know.
Jeff: No, I mean, are you going to ask what I am?
Hulk: What are you?
Jeff: Mraaaaaar!
Hulk: Mraaaaar?
Jeff: Mraaaaaar!
Hulk: Oh, mraaaar.
Jeff: Yeah, mraaaar.
Hulk: Ha!
Jeff: Ha?
Hulk: Yeah, ha!
Jeff: Ha, what?
Hulk: Ha, Hulk like shark thing!
Jeff: Who’s Hulk?
It’s that simple. NetEase, I’m just a phone call away.
