HYRULE — Scientists have released an unsettling new study into Koroks, confirming that being found by a great Hero is the only way the wooden creatures can achieve orgasm.
“We wish we had better news for you here today, but as scientists, we have a duty to report the unvarnished truth as we have learned it,” said Duloh, leader of the research team, during a somber press conference to reveal their findings. “We’re not going to sugarcoat it, folks: those little freaks have been busting this whole time.”
Researchers claimed they made the shocking discovery by mistake, while studying the ‘poof’ that happens when Koroks are found in their hiding places.
“It started out totally innocent. We just wanted to know how Koroks can appear from a cloud of dust like that. Turns out it’s not dust at all. It’s … well, you can read the report if you want to know. I sure wish I had known when I took the sample,” said Erah, the project intern, staring off into the distance. “Maybe it’s better I didn’t know.”
The report describes in detail what happens when a Korok is discovered by a Hero who holds the fate of Hyrule in his hands.
“The state of the hidden Korok is one of agony. The tension builds, sometimes for years, until they are desperate for the relief of being found in their clever hiding spot. What follows is a complex mating ritual — the cloud of spore-like particles, the display of colorful leaves as proof of their sexual maturity, the unique click-clacking sound that occurs at the absolute climax,” reads the report in part. “Twigs are their dicks.”
At press time, the scientists were tip-toeing silently out of the conference room, hoping not to accidentally uncover any Koroks.
