LOS ANGELES — Rapper and rightwing candidate for president Kanye West said today on Alex Jones’ talk show InfoWars that he cannot fully criticize Nazi leader Adolf Hitler due to the dictator having created video game character Kirby.
“I love all people. I love the Jews, but I love Hitler too. How can you say Hitler’s fully evil when he created Kirby? That little pink guy who sucks stuff up, he’s so cute. And Hitler came up with that whole idea. So I love Hitler, I love Kirby, and I even love King Dedede. I’m tired of pretending like I can’t say that,” Kanye explained, puffing up his cheeks behind a black mask to show what Kirby looks like. “The Jewish mafia, you know, they don’t want me to go to Dream Land. They’re trying to hold me down. The Jews don’t want me to be able suck up all my enemies and gain their powers and abilities. But I think Hitler’s great.”
Jones, known for being extremely conservative and saying outlandish things, surprisingly pushed back against West’s claims.
“Well I can’t agree with you there,” said Jones, laughing almost maniacally. “I think the Jewish mafia is holding you down, that’s for sure. But Kirby is a thug and he did a lot of bad things. Just because you don’t like the Jews doesn’t mean you have to praise Kirby now. No, no. I won’t say I like Kirby. He’s an absolute menace and I think he should locked up, if not executed, for the amount of times he has sucked up one of his opponents and then walked off a battlefield to both of their deaths. And that has nothing to do with the Jews.”
At press time, fact checkers at Snopes were reportedly working overtime to produce a massive document definitively proving that Adolf Hitler was not the inventor of Kirby.