SAN FRANCISCO — In what experts are calling the biggest news for gamers since the release of the Nintendo GameCube, tech billionaire Elon Musk has announced a new slur: cisgender.
“As gamers, we love collecting things — cartridges, funko pops, original soundtracks, and more. But most of all, we love to collect new slurs,” said gamer Dora Farrell. “That’s why it’s so exciting that cis and cisgender, the words used to describe someone who isn’t trans, is a slur. It has been years since the last time we had a slur announced. I can’t wait to try it out on all the guys in the next Fortnite lobby I’m in. Fuck off, you dirty cis!”
“Honestly, I’m impressed. I thought Musk was lying when he said he was an inventor, but this is easily his greatest gift to humanity,” said another gamer, Kieran Wong. “I always felt a bit incomplete, but now that I have cis in my arsenal, I feel like Thanos dropping his final slur into his infinity gauntlet. We finally have a new gamer word!”
According to Musk, introducing new slurs into the video game ecosystem is something that he has been working on for a long time.
“The way people act around me, I’ve always felt that my mission on Earth was to leave it. That’s why I spent so much time trying to go to Mars,” Musk explained. “But now I realize that what I’m meant to do is improve the lives of gamers worldwide by creating new slurs for them to use. And that’s my genius, I believe. Words like ‘cis’ have existed for decades, but through my abilities, I am able to give them new meaning.”
I promise you this, gamers: cis is not the final slur. There will be many more,” Musk said. “I cannot explain how just yet, but all sorts of words you see in your everyday life can be repurposed. Truck, film, mournful, disaster, announcement. These are all words that one day will be used by 13-year-olds playing Call of Duty: Warzone to terrorize enemies over a broken microphone. That is my promise.”
At press time, however, gamers began criticizing Musk after he reset the number of slurs by declaring that the n-word will no longer count as one.