NEW YORK — After finally getting his chance to visit the famous Criterion Closet full of Blu-rays and DVDs from the esteemed Criterion Collection, video game director and notable film buff Hideo Kojima was reportedly missing in action.
“He missed his flight back to Tokyo this morning, and we’re not sure where he is,” said Kojima’s personal assistant Ayako Terashima. “We’ve filed a missing person’s report with the NYPD, and have contacted his best friends Norman Reedus and Guillermo Del Toro to see if they’d heard anything from him. The only thing left behind was an inconspicuous cardboard box, so we are all really just hoping for the best.”
Jonathan B. Turell, CEO of the Criterion Collection, stressed that the issue has taken top priority at their organization.
“We take pride in these guided visits of our curated collection, and hold our handpicked guests in high regard,” stated Turrell. “We are all big fans of Mr. Kojima and his work, so suffice to say, we will do everything in our power to find him. One of our staff members noticed that a Blu-ray film prominently featuring Mads Mikkelsen on the cover was missing off the shelf this morning, so we believe that we may well be hot on his trail.”
Noises from the cardboard box were reportedly heard later on in the afternoon.
“Hello? Norman, it’s me,” said a mysterious muffled voice. “Yeah, I’m in. What? No, nobody will find me. I am engaging in tactical espionage to shroud my presence. Just park the motorcycle out front in one hour, and make sure you have room for both me, and a large sack of movies!”
At press time, actor Norman Reedus was seen disguised as a delivery boy, hauling a large person-sized sack around New York City on his back.