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Great Deku Tree Heard Asking Child to Walk Into His Mouth

KOKIRI FOREST — The Great Deku Tree, the political and religious leader of the Kokiri, was recently caught on a microphone asking a young boy to walk into his open mouth.

“The Great Deku Tree apologizes for any pain that his well-intentioned joke may have caused,” said Mido, the tree’s spokesperson. “He has a lively sense of humor and often teases people in this way. His request for the child to enter his mouth and destroy the evil parasite inside him was not meant to be taken seriously.”

Despite this apology, many following the story say they don’t accept the Deku Tree’s explanation.

“You don’t just wake up one day and ask a kid to march into your mouth,” said Danton Swordson, who shared that the video footage of the incident had made him sick. “That’s something he must have been holding inside for decades. Or maybe he’s been having kids fight monsters and open locked chests inside of him all this time, and this is just the first time he got caught. That would explain why he tried to bribe the kid with an emerald.”

Some experts on Kokiri culture argue that the Great Deku Tree was simply using a common forest expression that is not intended literally.

“Asking a minor to climb around inside of you might sound strange to us, but to the Kokiri, it’s well understood to be a good thing,” said Tingle, Hyrule’s foremost authority on forest culture. “Actually, it’s considered to be a blessing. Kokiri often greet each other with wide open mouths, an implied invitation to walk right in. Besides, that kid might be a minor now, but how do you know he’s not gonna fall asleep and wake up a full grown adult? Huh?”

At press time, similar reports had emerged surrounding Zora deity Lord Jabu Jabu.

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