HOUSTON — Late boxer and entrepreneur George Foreman’s casket will be tilted to allow rendered fat to drain out of the bottom and into a separate tray, sources confirm.
“This is an option we offer to our more health-conscious decedents,” said Barry Carroll, funeral home director. “The patented fat-burning technology allows our patrons to experience a leaner afterlife without losing any of that heavenly flavor. You simply close the lid, and the casket does all the work. It couldn’t be any simpler.”
Employees at Carroll’s funeral home noted that there were downsides to the unique casket.
“Oh God, cleaning that thing is a nightmare,” said Tracy Leary, who has worked at Carroll Funeral Home for six years. “Some of the older models let you take the lining off of the top and bottom of the coffin, which makes it a little easier. Still, it never really fits into the sink, no matter how you twist it. It’s also non-stick, so you’re not supposed to use the rough side of the sponge, but the soft side doesn’t do anything. To be honest, I usually tell myself that I’m going to clean it the next morning, and by the time I would’ve gotten around to it, they’ve already buried the stiff. It’s a win-win.”
Christina Holmes, a funeral industry analyst, criticized the Foreman casket.
“None of the supposed benefits of this method of interment have been proven,” said Holmes. “I don’t know where this myth started that fat is unhealthy for you after you die, but from a scientific standpoint, it doesn’t seem like there’s any truth to it. By removing an inordinate amount of fat, you’re really just making an extra-dry corpse, not a healthy corpse. That doesn’t sound like paradise to me.”
At press time, patrons at Foreman’s funeral were seen arguing about whether or not the service should take longer after the “warm-up” light on his coffin came back on.
